Fighting For a Second Chance
by KiahTrickster
Summary: After the occupation Terra Novans begin to put their lives back together and move on, a second chance in this new world and for some a second chance at something else. Repost.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: This is written for fun not profit, all characters belong to respective creators and producers._

This is a repost of a story I wrote a year ago. It is the same other than minor edits ( mostly spelling and grammar). I will be continuing this series and some other stories for Terra Nova.

 **Prologue**

The alcohol had done little to numb her pain, but she knew it wouldn't matter now. Some things just had to be done, and this was one of them. Taylor needed Shannon to mount the resistance and she knew exactly how he could do it; she could only hope Jim Shannon would deliver the message. As for her, well Alicia Washington didn't have enough fight in her to be of any use to her commanding officer in the field.

She had done her best and faced life with everything she had; now she had to make sure the Shannon family had time to escape. And as the explosion lit the night sky she took off running with everything she had. They were on her in moments, she used everything she had to push through some of them, keeping the attention of the Phoenix soldiers on her. When two caught her arms and jerked her to a halt she knew it was over.

Ever since she was a girl she had known this day would come, she had hoped it might be when she had left something behind. Yet she had been close before, but as they threw her to the ground in front of Lucas Taylor she knew this wasn't one of those times.

Forced to her knees Alicia stared up at him, he hadn't broken her and he wouldn't. Yet he was the son of a man she had a great amount of respect for, once he had been a sweet inquisitive boy; she saw none of that now. His father had meant a lot to her for a long time; and she would never be able to show Nathaniel Taylor just how much.

Soldiers watched, waited to see what the man would do now. She should feel fear, or hate or something but long ago someone who also meant great deal had told her to find the good in everyone. That was something the military had not allowed her much of, something she had spent little time trying to do. She had one last chance.

"You have three seconds to tell me where my father is." His voice was cold and the sonic pistol was aimed at her head; he would fire. He already knew she would not break.

Looking into the eyes of a sick man she pushed to her feet. Seeking some measure of good, and there was; the only feature that tied him to his father. His father was a good man, and that was who Alicia thought of as she spoke softly. "You have your father's eyes."

A muscle in his jaw twitched and it was the end. Alicia Washington watched him pull the trigger as if time slowed down. Her body fell and pain exploded into agony racing through her veins; she hit the ground.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

One image was ingrained in his brain for the rest of his days, Nathaniel Taylor had seen plenty of carnage in his life. He had lost plenty as well but never would he forget the sight of his own son gunning down his second in command. Even knowing her chances she had the grit to remind him of something that had allowed them to come home.

Yet coming home was bittersweet, two days ago they had returned to Terra Nova, three days since Washington had been executed and more than a week since the colony had been surrendered; with twenty six casualties. Now the colony was alone with no connection to 2149, in a time stream not connected to the wasted world they left behind; alone except for the enemy army heading for the badlands. It was still sinking in for all of them.

Still there was hope, in only two days the colony was rallying, young and old working together to rebuild; to fight for their home. He was struggling as he worked through the reports of the soldiers he had left behind, and coordinated the inventory of the supplies, and repairs to their perimeter defenses.

Nathaniel didn't like the picture coming together, he still had more reports to gather; he hoped there would be something in them. None would forget the devastation done by the Phoenix Army. With no connection to 2149 their enemy had fled to the badlands with the Sixers in hopes of finding another portal to the future. Thanks to Lieutenant Washington they finally had the upper hand, there was no fixed connection left in 2149; it would be a lot of work to open another if it was even possible.

What she had done would never be forgotten, but what led up to it troubled him, he had known Washington for more than fifteen years. The fact she spent the entire occupation in a bar licking her wounds did not sit well with him. He couldn't understand her actions but she hadn't deserved to die, not yet and not by his son's hand.

Yet having seen too much of what his son valued he had made some decisions he wished never to have been faced with. Since his return he had asked everyone he could think of what had been done with her body. Having encountered his son face to face he feared the worst. Lieutenant Alicia Washington had only been thirty four and her actions had allowed their resistance to succeed at the price of her life. He didn't know if they would ever lay her to rest.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to push back the pounding in his head. Never in his life had he felt so alone, there was a great deal riding on the decisions they made in the near future. This was the first time he had to make those without having Washington to bounce the ideas off of. She often saw a different view than he did, but she understood rank and file; his decisions were final.

There was no one who knew more about security, strategic combat, logistics and planning than Washington; she'd come through more combat than any who served under him. She had gone through it with him. Yet he hated to appoint a new second in command; even if his choice was clear.

At a knock on the door he gave permission for entrance; frowning when only one person stepped through the door. Elisabeth Shannon approached the desk, her expression unreadable. He had learned a great deal about his sheriff's wife; for a small woman she was not one to be pushed around.

"What can I do for you Doctor Shannon?" He looked at the time off handedly and realized it was early evening; he had lost himself in the reports.

"There is something you need to know." The woman's tone told him nothing, but her demeanor worried him; she seemed cold, "Come with me."

"Why?" The woman was not likely to waste his time but given the circumstances he wanted an explanation.

Clearly she expected him to follow as she turned and walked away without another word. Jaw set Nathaniel followed her, the entire Shannon family had proved valuable and loyal assets to the colony. It surprised him that she led him straight to Boylan's bar, rounded the bar itself and took the stairs below. Downstairs two men hovered by the door to a room he didn't know existed; both Shannon and Boylan looked guilty.

Fixing both men with a glare he examined the room, realizing there was an alcove beyond where they stood. Elisabeth disappeared into it and moving forward he realized there was a cot in the corner. Silently he approached the cot greeted by a foul smell, as if immune the doctor knelt beside it and as he looked over her shoulder his mouth went dry. "Wash?"

"She is alive Commander. Boylan's kept her safe here." The doctor spoke softly, her tone reassuring as she pressed her fingers to Washington's wrist.

He turned on the two men. "How is this possible? I watched her die."

"Drunk men don't guard their weapons as they should, and favors go both ways." Boylan's expression showed pride at having something over his head; something they both knew mattered very much.

"Why isn't she in the infirmary?" He looked back at his second in command, it had been many years since he thought of her as anything but capable; except now she looked vulnerable, broken and delicate.

"It wasn't an option at the time and with our lovely guests hanging around it was all I could do to keep her hidden." Boylan ignored the glare Nathaniel fixed him with. "I informed the Doc this afternoon; and now you know."

"Commander, she is alive and while her condition isn't good it is stable. She is safer in hiding than in the open." The doctor spoke as he glared at both men, they allowed the small woman to face him with this news. "I'd like to move her tonight, where I can care for her more easily."

"Hold up." Boylan interjected, clearly feeling he had some say; as of this moment Nathaniel was taking that away. "I know you lot are on a guilt trip here but our new mascot needs time to recover, I doubt she'll get that in…"

"She is a soldier not a mascot." Nathaniel Taylor snarled, she was alive and she would stay that way; she wasn't a quitter. "She is a soldier and always will be."

"No." A quieter tone stopped the brewing fight as all eyes turned to the doctor. "Alicia Washington is a woman who needs time and support to recover. She does not need to be anything but herself, she has followed orders, taken her share and done her best for all of us in this colony. Starting now that goes the other way, we can look after her."

Elisabeth Shannon eyed her patient and then the three of them with a stern expression. Nathaniel grimaced, he knew the doctor wouldn't take his input well but she needed to understand something. "Look doc, I know you consider her the same as any other patient but Washington is a soldier, she's been through worse and it is time for her to act like it. She's alive and she licked her wounds; she doesn't get to lick this one. You can patch her up but its time for her to prop herself up."

The woman turned on him, her gaze cold; and then she looked past him. "Jim, go find Maddie and tell her she is confined to the house, I will explain later. Boylan could you spare Josh? Have him get some of Maddie's clothes, the bulkier the better and get my surgical kit from my locker."

Both men obeyed wordlessly, he realized as a civilian she must think his words very cold; she had no idea the training Washington had. He had spent enough time reading the reports and compiling the sequence of events; Washington had caved under the pressure and he didn't like it.

"You feel Washington has licked her wounds, I am sure you have reports from every sector while I've been in the infirmary; I've heard plenty. Would you tell me how many men were on the gate with Alicia when she surrendered?" The woman's tone was deadly and he knew she had an agenda; and he wasn't sure of how her mind games would work.

"As of yet only four, Doctor Shannon listen, Wash had a duty…"

"No, it is time for you to listen, I am not a part of your military and my duty is to my patients; my oath. There were only four men on the gate with Alicia surrendered, she dispersed the others to the infirmary to be treated for non existent wounds and into plain clothes among the civilians. She ordered weapons hidden and took point on the gate before waving the white flag. Does that agree with your reports?"

"Reports indicate the soldiers had been dismissed and scattered." The woman insisted in calling Washington by her first name; he rarely heard it.

"Do your reports indicate she surrendered herself to the leaders in exchange for the freedom of her men and the agreement that civilians would not be harmed as the colony was searched? When was she next seen?" The doctor had knelt by the bed again, he was surprised by how well informed she was.

"Yes, in Boylan's bar." He spat the words, staring at the woman laying on the cot, sleeping unaware of the argument around her; he figured the doctor had dosed her with something.

"I didn't ask you where she was next seen. I asked you when?" The doctor's tone did soften as she began to shift the blankets pulled up to Washington's shoulders. "She's running a fever again; not an hour ago it was chills."

"There something I need to know doc?" He didn't play games, and he didn't like that comment; her guard had gone down when she realized her patient was running a fever.

"I treated my husband's wounds Commander, and while they did a great deal of damage he healed quickly. They were inflicted to maximize pain and minimize damage, all to the lower back, no contact burns. As if the man who tortured him had learned that sometimes pain can't break a person, I think I know how he learned; and I can only say I am sorry." The woman had gripped Washington's shirt and rolled it up to her shoulder blades.

A white bandage covered much of her back, but dark angry bruises flared around it; none looking as though they were healing. A growl rose in his throat, the woman gave him a sad look.

"I haven't shown you what was done Commander, it was done before she helped us escape. But tell me this, if your soldiers had been lined up on the gate they would have been thrown in the brig, how do you mount a resistance without men?" The woman peeled away the dressing to reveal swollen puncture wounds and vicious burns, more than he could quickly count all over Washington's back.

"You don't." He choked the words, no one had given any indication that Washington had sustained injuries during the surrender.

"No, and by getting your men out of the way Alicia laid the ground work for the movement that brought you home. Not to mention the advice on how to do it." He felt as if a knife had been slid between his ribs again; Elisabeth Shannon seemed intent on twisting it deeper.

"Washington." He barked, he always called her by her last name, as he did all his soldiers; always had. And at this moment he felt sick to call her one of his and thought what he had of her.

"No Commander, Alicia, the name her parents gave her is Alicia and right now she isn't even conscious to respond to orders; which effectively means she is off duty. I can't distinguish these wounds from each other and I can't give you an accurate count on how many times she was shocked, or how many times they stabbed that weapon into her body. I can tell you it is a small wonder she was even able to stagger to the bar."

"They stabbed that shock right into her back." He shook his head, he had been on the receiving end of a shocker before, but never a contact hit.

"Commander you wanted her to be tougher, I think she was tough enough for all your men. Especially considering what Tom Boylan learned once he got some liquor into her."

"She's a damn combat medic, why didn't she drag herself to the infirmary?" He muttered, staring at the swollen wounds, his eyes catching on bruises that were faded; yet distinct enough for bile to rise in his throat.

"It is rather hard to treat your own back, and when she numbed herself up enough she told Boylan she was confined to the bar, if she was spotted anywhere else they would start going down the roster and hauling her soldiers in for the same treatment."

"What are those?" He heard her words but could not take his eyes off the yellowish brown bruises barely visible for the darker ones; as if hands had grabbed roughly at her sides.

"She may have started out with a plan, but no one saw her at Boylan's bar until two days after the colony was taken. I believe she ended up barely able to think straight and in constant pain. Her effort's to help us escape likely took all the energy she had; in staying I believe she thought she paid for what I am sure she saw much the same as you did a failure…"

"Enough." He had heard enough, the image of her falling to ground had stuck in his memory but this would haunt him. He had accepted the reports as truth, he had not looked deeper for a reason Washington would give up; but he would not let the woman insinuate that she had decided to let her enemy end her life.

For the first time since he entered the room he reached down to touch her, she felt as though she were burning up; he caught the edge of the tank top. The doctor's hand circled his wrist quickly, had he not anticipated it he would have slapped it back; but he expected her protest. "Was she raped?"

"No, they got rough with her but being confined to Boylan's may have been what kept her safe. He gave out a lot of liquor but he drew the line on letting them have at her." Elisabeth Shannon's fight was nearly gone, her voice was sad and he understood the treatment he had received before. "Commander in my eyes she led enough of a resistance in simply surviving, and that is not just because of what she did for my family. I may not be a soldier but I have seen a lot of wounds; hers would have broke men many times her size."

"Document them all. I want a full report on the injuries she sustained, and your best estimate at number, order and time." He tried to force the wave of sickness back, he needed to think clearly and do his job. He had a much different picture of what the occupation had been like now.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

White hot pain raced through her body, panic swelled inside her as she realized her head wasn't heavy with fog but she was still unable to move. She tried to open her eyes, but that only made the pain in her head worse. Suddenly the pain intensified as her body was moved, and pressure was applied to her back; a moan was forced from her body.

"Alicia." A familiar voice called her name, it was close and accompanied by a gentle hand on her forehead; the hand felt wonderfully cool. "Alicia we are going to move you, when I get you settled again we will give you something more for the pain."

Suddenly she was being moved, she moaned again as her body was bent and lifted into the air; waves of panic rolled through her. She heard the voices again. "Let me fix her hair, it isn't a good likeness but I doubt anyone will come to close; let's get her home quickly."

Confused, Alicia fought to track the movements, she had no idea where she was but slowly she was able to open her eyes. It was impossible to keep them open for more than a moment but she tried over and over again and saw glimpses of light, of faces; it all spun together. Then it was much cooler, she was outside now, she was being carried.

Soon there was light and warmth, she recognized that they were entering a building. Alicia could hear more voices but wasn't able to make out what was being said; they were moving away.

"Alicia, we are going to lay you on your side for now; in a moment I am going to have to put you on your back. We will give you something for pain first." She recognized the voice, but it made no sense to her; one of the last things she remembered was the Shannon's escaping the colony; or a fragment of that.

She felt a twinge in her shoulder and the pain began to ebb away; Alicia whimpered in relief. It felt as if an incredible amount of pressure was released from her body. There were more voices and hushed tones before she heard a door close; opening her eyes she blinked at a bright light. Her eyes couldn't seem to adjust enough for her to see much else, she tried to turn her head but a hand cupped her cheek.

"Be still, it is only me, I'm the only one in the room Alicia. I am going to wash you up and get you into some fresh clothes." Elisabeth Shannon, she knew that voice, she just wasn't sure how she could be with her.

There was a knock on the door and a voice called out. "Commander Taylor is here. He want's to know if you need any help."

"I will be out in a few minutes." The woman called, the exchange only confused Alicia further; had they found a way to smuggle her out of the camp? Or was she septic and hallucinating?

As a cool cloth was wiped over her body she decided it had to be real, and gave up trying to sort out how it was possible. The doctor had no shame in washing her and never had she been more thankful for anything in her life.

….

Rumors were flying all over the colony that Maddie Shannon was passed out drunk; he had to admit that it was a clever plan on the part of the Shannons. Jim Shannon had simply carried Washington from Boylan's bar to the house in his arms; the same way he might his own daughter. Even though the two bore little resemblance long dark hair obscuring her face and some of Maddie's clothes seemed to have been enough to fool any who saw.

Jim had reported that no one had approached them on the walk back. Nathaniel had detoured to the Command Center to take care of several tasks and review the end of day work reports before heading for the Shannon residence. Zoe opened the door for him then wrapped her arms around his knees and hugged him tightly.

It took a few moments to disentangle himself from the little girl and get the door closed, but he appreciated her thought. Suddenly within their home Nathaniel felt very out of place. One door at the end of the hall was shut, Jim was at the counter preparing food and Josh was putting blankets on the couch. He felt eyes on him and looked over to find Maddie watching from a perch on the other side of the room; out of view of the windows.

He approached her first. "I am sorry we have started a rumor about you young lady. I hope someday in the near future we can set that right."

"It's no big deal, I mean statistically most teenagers experiment with drugs or alcohol; so it is a believable story and…" The girl stopped herself short, he watched with a slight smile as she gathered her thoughts. "I'm really glad Lieutenant Washington is alive."

"So am I." He agreed, unwilling to show that he was struggling with very mixed emotions right now; but that statement couldn't be truer.

The young woman ducked her head back to her plex and Nathaniel left her to it, approaching Shannon to ask if there was anything he could do to help. The man went to the door and asked, the doctors response was a negative; but he wasn't sure he wanted to leave.

Finally the door opened and Elisabeth Shannon strode out, he noticed the woman looked tired but calm. She picked up a case from the end of the table and paused to speak quietly with her husband; then turned to him. "Commander if you would like to help me I could use a hand."

Nathaniel nodded and followed her quickly, feeling relieved to have something to do. Elisabeth Shannon closed the door behind him as he moved to the bed. Washington had been laid on it face down, a blanket had been drawn to her waist and a swath of dark blue material was wrapped around her chest narrowing into a band across her back.

"I need to lance some of the infected sites, I've given her a pain killer but she'll likely feel this; I need you to hold her down." The woman detailed the grim task.

He knew allowing him to help with Washington's care was not something she was pleased with; and given his previous reaction he didn't blame her. "Listen doc, what I said before. I was uninformed and out of line."

"It's not me you need to worry about; she is drifting in and out. I will start with the ones on her upper back first." The woman dismissed his words and gestured for him to take a position; swallowing that bitter taste he was becoming to familiar with he pressed his hands to her shoulders.

The doctor wiped the site with a disinfectant and then picked up the tool and nodded to him. Locking his elbows he prepared for a reaction. As the lance pierced her flesh he felt Washington's body tense and she let out an agonized howl but didn't move.

"That's what I was afraid of." The doctor winced as she pressed the puss and infection from the wound wiping it away quickly. " I need to lance a number of these but I hate to give her anything more until the alcohol is clear of her system; it was the only pain killer Boylan had to give her and I think he mostly just poured it into her."

He glanced between the woman on the bed and the doctor looking as if she hated her job; this he could deal with. "Wash, you need to hold out through this. If you can hear then you know more about what the doc's worried over than I do. This needs to get done."

There was a soft moan in response from the woman he addressed; the other had fixed him with another glare. "Doc you know there is no gentle about this, she knows it too; just get it done."

The doctor frowned but cleaned the lance and moved to the next site, Nathaniel shifted so as to free one hand. As the lance sunk into Washington's back again he pressed his fist to her mouth and felt her bite down hard; she hardly made a sound.

"Commander." Elisabeth Shannon frowned at him, as she cleaned the second one.

"It helped." He defended, the woman didn't argue with him but prepared for the next one. His fingerless leather gloves protected him from the damage of her teeth but that didn't comfort him. The stinging in his hand from her clamping down on it was a relief.

When the doctor was done he couldn't say Washington looked much better but the biohazard bag beside them was full and the doctor seemed content. As a new bandage was applied he found himself studying her face, he couldn't deny that she was a beautiful woman; although seeing her beaten and bruised kindled rage inside of him.

Before he had arrived Elisabeth Shannon must have washed her up, even her hair which was drying in soft waves against her face. She was still in rough shape but she looked better and more peaceful.

"You washed her up?" He knew the answer, but he couldn't see it being an easy task.

"Yes, being clean can do wonders for a person." The doctor didn't even pause as she manipulated the unconscious woman's body into a large t-shirt.

"Thank you, for giving her a little dignity." He was surprised by what he felt, feelings he had long since forced back reared up and he was truly thankful that the colony had a doctor who didn't consider herself above any task.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Alicia woke in darkness, cold permeating deep into her body; and shivering. Her head was surprisingly clear, and as her eyes adjusted to the dark she recognized the form sleeping in a bed only a few feet away.

She was on her side, it was a good position and there were several thick blankets laid over her; they just weren't enough. Suddenly a small face appeared at the edge of her bed, surprised she tried to smile as Zoe Shannon reached out to touch her face.

"Hi Lieutenant Washington." The little girl whispered, then glanced at the bed where her mother slept. "Can I sleep with you?"

She struggled to speak but couldn't manage more than a hoarse sound. The little girl took it as permission and pulled back the covers before crawling in beside her. Alicia was immediately grateful for the child's warmth and the little girl nestled into her chest. Slowly she drifted back to sleep with Zoe like a little furnace against her chest.

When she woke again the room was lit with natural light, the little girl was still curled against her chest. Alicia wondered what time it was, and how long she had slept, it actually felt like she had rested a little bit. She heard voices outside the door.

"Maddie you need to stay home until noon; you can go to school in the afternoon." She recognized Shannon's voice, and heard his daughter protesting. "It's called a hang over Maddie, you can't be bouncing around this morning; it will draw unwanted attention."

"I have surgery this morning and we can't send Zoe to school; she might accidentally tell some one we have a guest." Elisabeth Shannon's voice filtered into the room.

"I need to over see the residential building projects for Taylor; I can take Zoe with me for most of the day. Josh has work." Alicia felt strange as she listened to their conversation.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving Maddie with her but I don't want her on her own either." The voices drew louder and the door opened.

Elisabeth strode in, immediately noticing that she was awake. The woman bent down and lifted her daughter out of the bed, Alicia couldn't deny that the child's weight had been comforting and her warmth appreciated. The little girl was handed off to Jim Shannon and out of sight.

"It is good to see you are awake. I want to check your back this morning and then I will let you rest a little longer." The doctor deftly maneuvered her from her side to her stomach. "Don't try and talk yet just blink twice for yes, once for no. Any pain?"

Alicia blinked once and answered several more questions in that method before the doctor gave her another dose of drugs, a mix of pain killers and antibiotics. "I wish I had more to give you but they took a great deal of our drugs when they moved out. We will have to let your body heal at its own rate, but we can fight the infection and keep you comfortable; and if Malcolm gets me anything that will speed it along you are first on the list."

The doctor then hooked her up to an IV, promising it contained some much needed nutrients; clearly the woman had raided the infirmary at some point. There was a knock at the door and the doctor stood, Alicia tried to move her head but only managed to send a flash of pain down her back.

"Heard you needed someone to sit with Wash today." The familiar voice made her stomach turn into knots, she vaguely remembered something else he had said not so long ago. "I've got some plexs with me, I can work from here for the day, if that isn't crossing any lines."

"No, Commander I think that would be a very good thing; make yourself at home." With that Elisabeth Shannon left, Alicia listened as the family left for the day, almost wishing they had left her alone.

The man strode into the room, in charge just as his rank entitled him to be and for some reason that stung her. She remembered very little since the moment she had to look down the barrel of Lucas' sonic pistol but there were bits and pieces; some of them she really didn't like.

He sat on the bed opposite her and she felt his gaze rake over her body; she closed her eyes. Unsure how long she would have to feign sleep before she could drift off; she hoped he would leave it at that. Sleep didn't come, instead she lay as still as she could and listened to him work.

…..

Washington was ignoring him, the stubborn woman managed to keep her eyes shut for over an hour; he knew she wasn't asleep. He worked on the plex, communicating with the teams working all over the compound doing everything from repairing homes and buildings to cleaning out their water supplies and repairing the power grids.

As he put together a time line he mumbled to himself, he knew she was listening, likely filing away every word he said for the day he asked for a recall; she never failed to give it. They had worked together a long time, and they were good together. Wash knew how to follow an order, even when she didn't agree and there was certainly no one better to have at your back in a fight.

That was his soldier and he was proud of it, yet he knew she had made sacrifices in staying with his unit and not all of them had been her choice. When they'd first assigned a woman to his unit he'd fought tooth and nail to get rid of her before she became a liability; and made sure she knew it. Their first mission she forced him to eat his words when a mistake by his previous second in command nearly cost them all their lives.

Stranded in enemy territory with nearly all of their unit wounded they'd had to rely on their youngest and smallest member in order to survive. Wash hadn't just kept them alive she'd gotten them to safety. The things that unit had said about her when they were stuck in that cave, the things she had heard them say and still she'd defended them. It shamed him to remember it, shamed him to remember that he had allowed it. And worse stood outside that door when the doctor had to break her leg again to properly set it.

The girl had been all of eighteen years old, she had taken abuse from all of them, seasoned soldiers who knew better and never threw an insult back; never let them know she was hurting. When they returned to base and he was prepared to account for their failure; a unit of six soldiers sent to handle a simple mission. A foolish decision by the lead in their convoy had caused them to wreck in the middle of a desert waste land; miles from their target. They had been grateful and amazed when Washington managed to get a transport but they had never learned where it came from; Washington had completed the mission on her own.

He had learned a hard lesson that day, and learned it in front of his CO as he was given credit for actions he had no part in. And that day he went to the barracks to find the young woman he had told in no uncertain terms he would have off his unit.

It was one of her friends, a soldier who had come through boot camp with her who had told him where to find her; a soldier that was far greener. He had arrived in the sick bay in time to hear a doctor bemoaning the fact he was going to have to reset a patient's leg. By the time he convinced the nurse to let him into see her it was done.

Command had tried to tie her to a desk for six months, his entire unit had been grounded six months but Washington had been reassigned. Three months in she had been flying over the obstacle courses as if she'd never been hurt. It was on the obstacle course he had caught her and asked why she hadn't filed a detailed report of the incident.

Her answer was simple, his unit had been sent to complete the task, she had completed it and at the time she had been a member of his unit. She could have had them all up on notice for how they treated her. She didn't and she had been prepared to walk away from it all. He thought he had fought hard to get rid of her, he'd had to fight five times harder to get her back.

He'd been an idiot, he'd taken one look at her service record to see she was a kid on her first assignment and written her off. He'd learned his lesson, and when he had to hunt her down to tell her she was back on his unit learned her story.

There had been a reason she had been assigned to his unit and when he gathered that unit together again no one said a word about her abilities. He made sure they learned enough of her story to know that they all had better consider it an honor to work with her. He had forgotten about that yesterday; but he wouldn't do so again.

After that Washington had been his whether she liked it or not, she had tried several times to get off the unit over the years and he'd quashed every attempt. She was irreplaceable as a soldier and as a combat medic, had she stayed in the future she probably would either have his rank or out rank him by now.

Instead he had told her to come with him, and she had taken it as an order; lived it everyday. She had been the second person through that portal, and the first face he saw after 118 days of solitude; she hadn't even known it had been five minutes. But he wasn't sure he had ever been as glad to see her as he had in that moment; except maybe last night.

He had done wrong by Wash more often than he had done right and with that thought he put his work aside. "I know you're awake Wash. Look at me."

She didn't respond right away, he leaned forward and stared intently, she lasted another thirty seconds before dark eyes fluttered open. "You talk yet?"

Her lips moved a little bit, they were dry and cracked, she probably couldn't talk if she wanted to. He surmised that she would be alright on her own for a few minutes and got up. He found Maddie Shannon on the couch with her plex.

"Commander Taylor." The young woman put down her plex and sat up a little straighter.

"Can I ask you a favor?" He rummaged in his pocket for a several taros as the girl nodded. "Seeing as it is almost noon and you should be getting to school would you go to the market and buy some fresh juice off Lexi? The fruit punch if she has it, get your own lunch while your there."

Reluctantly Maddie took his money and disappeared, he got a glass of water and returned to the room. He wasn't sure he was going to be any good at taking care of her but he was going to try. Sliding one hand under her knees and the other behind her neck he swung Wash around to sit on the edge of the bed; she let out a howl as he did so.

"What's the matter?" She didn't reach out for anything, in fact her arms hung limply at her sides as she whimpered.

That sound had been like a slap in the face, Nathaniel searched her face for an indication of what had caused it. He had been careful not to touch her back, but as she closed her eyes he had a feeling the sudden movement may have done it.

Sitting on the bed beside her he leaned her into his shoulder and froze when her cheek rested against his chest; her head. Elisabeth had shown him the wounds he hadn't known about but he hadn't for one moment thought about the one he had watched her take.

He stayed still and silent for a long moment, letting her rest; he had no idea how much pain he had caused her or how long it would take for it to subside. That was how they were when Maddie returned, he took the bottle of juice and thanked her for getting it; waving away any change. The girl's life had been complicated as the price of getting Wash somewhere the doctor could care for her privately and effectively; he would set that straight.

"Have some water then some juice; it will do you good." He knew Wash stopped by Lexi's stand and got herself a bottle of juice any time she was in the mood for a treat; he didn't know how long it had been since she had eaten.

He held the water to her lips, her tongue darted out to moisten her lips; but she didn't take a sip. He held it to her lips for a long moment but her cheek stayed against his chest and her eyes closed. She seemed comfortable and he couldn't deny that it felt good to have her there.

Resting his chin on the top of her head he slid his other arm around her. It had been a long time since Nathaniel had held a woman in his arms, he had made a point to keep other women at distance after his wife's death; especially Wash. She had been on his unit since she was a girl and he couldn't deny the fact that she was beautiful, nearly every man who had ever been on his unit had noticed that. She was only ten years older than his own son; far too young for him to look at.

Yet in the last fifteen years he remembered only a hand full of times Wash had gone out on a date; living in the barracks he had heard about everyone. No one missed the chance to hassle her a little, she would pay them back in the sparring ring. The fact she was a ranked officer, a skilled sniper and strong soldier was likely enough to run off most men. And the reality was most soldiers ended up living solitary lives.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

She woke with Zoe in her arms again, the room was still dark and Alicia had no way to know what time it was; what she did know was that her head was pounding like a drum. Still each time she woke up she felt a little better and she learned a little more.

"Awake again, the medication wearing off?" Elisabeth Shannon was on the bed across from her and must have been watching for her to wake up.

"S'okay." She croaked as the woman got up, a little pain could tell her more about the state of her body.

"For you it's not, with the amount of current that was passed through your body I don't even want to put you on a bio bed. You're a medic, I know you understand the risks; your central nervous system has had a nasty shock." Elisabeth raised a glass of water with a straw and pressed it between her lips, Alicia took several sips of the cool water and it soothed her throat.

"Day?"

"Commander Taylor returned four days ago; it has been a little more than five days since you helped us escape. Have some more water and let me get Zoe out of your bed." The doctor encouraged her to take the straw again.

"S'okay." She repeated, but the woman was already scooping the child up and taking her out of the room.

"She is meant to be in her own bed, she likes to cuddle at night and you are a hero to her." The doctor said as she returned, Alicia swallowed a bitter taste; she was no hero.

"Can't move." Each time she spoke it got a little easier but her throat still felt like gravel.

"No you can't and don't hurt yourself trying." Elisabeth's soft hand touched her cheek. "I will not put you on a bio bed, you know what a sonic does to a body and thanks to Boylan it may not have killed you but it did its damage. I do want to run some tests, you talk to me as we go."

"Time?" Alicia took another sip of the water before the doctor put it down to pick up a hand held scanner.

"It is early, just relax now; this shouldn't hurt."

She studied the doctor's face as the scanner was run over her body, the woman showed concern but revealed little. The woman leaned over her and began to run it over her back, she only remembered pieces of that; Lucas had taken a sick pleasure in sending currents through her body. She remembered him telling her she would dance if she didn't answer; that had been the first time he stabbed the prongs into her back.

What she remembered after that was hazy until he decided he couldn't get anything out of her and his soldiers wanted a go. Oddly it had been the leader of the Sixers who had convinced him to release her to the bar; she did remember the threat they had issued. And the alcohol had numbed the pain some; it had been a weak thing to do and Taylor had made his opinion of that clear.

The rest of it was a bit confusing but a few things had stuck. Elisabeth had given her something for pain, it had cleared her head a little and she had heard that he had the reports in; he had made his decision. She had learned long ago fighting him on his decisions was just a world of pain; until now she had faced that. Not this time.

"I will give you more pain killers, I want to wash you up and clean your back again." The doctor put the scanner away and started to rise.

"No." She had survived so far, and if her body wouldn't give up then pumping her full of drugs made no difference. "Don't waste meds on me; not if we're low."

"Infection has set into your back, you have more holes in you than I have seen in a long time not even getting to what the sonic did to you. I know you have known pain in your life but you need it now." The doctor's last words were a veiled threat; few people knew her past and she didn't like to think one more had been added to the list.

"Conserve the pain killers." She wasn't backing down on that, if the Phoenix Army was gone she had a feeling their connection to the future was too. "Science team's been wanting to trial for months."

"No." The doctor's voice was sharp, but Alicia met her eyes; fighting hard to hold her gaze. "A small dose, I need to clean the wounds and you have enough of them. If you manage today I might be convinced to approach the Commander."

"My health, not his call." Taylor was not in charge of her health, but she knew he would not see it that way.

"Hush." A cloth was wiped across her face and Alicia obeyed; it was humiliating to have another person to bathe her. Yet it felt so good to be clean.

The woman was right, it was agony to have her back cleaned and redressed but she knew it needed to be done. Still staying alert through it was progress and that was good. The doctor propped her on her side once she was in fresh clothes.

"Where are the Phoenix? Lucas?"

Elisabeth Shannon paused, standing over her just long enough to make Washington hate having someone standing over her. Then crouched, emotion evident in her eyes. "They've gone to the badlands. The Commander took your advice, they destroyed Hope Plaza, the army fled."

"Lucas?" She asked again, she knew the man was sick but that only made him more dangerous; and he hated his father.

"After he shot you he stabbed his father and escaped. They think he has reconnected with the army and the Sixers." At least the woman answered, most probably would have told her not to worry about it.

As much as she wanted to tell herself that she couldn't; not yet anyway. "Thank you, for this; all of it."

Hands cupped her face, forcing her to look the other woman in the eye; Elisabeth Shannon's eyes glinted like steel. "You don't get to say that. Not after what they did to you, not after what you did for my family."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

He turned up just the same as he did before, sneaking stealthily around the compound to the Shannon's unit. The colony was small and though there were many eyes watching he had years of training on his side. He didn't need to create any more questions. He had told his men was that he was planning to spend the day out of the Command Center; he was always reachable by radio.

Nathaniel had yet to tell another soul that Washington was alive, he had paid Boylan another visit and learned a few things that chilled his blood. And he had been forced to admit the man right on one thing; dead or alive she was the colony's mascot. He didn't like it, not with what he knew of the woman. But he couldn't explain the ways of the military to civilians in a way to make them understand the duty both he and Wash had to this colony.

Seeing as he had his second in command back they could have their mascot and not a memory of her. Hopefully on her feet and ready to fight sooner rather than later. Shannon had contacted him on a private frequency this morning. He had taken his youngest child with him for the day, Washington was conscious and aware; the doctor had a discussion with her this morning.

He was more than ready to do the same, anything was better than how he had seen her the last two days. He knocked quickly and opened the door to step in, he didn't want to be in clear view any longer than he had to. Elisabeth Shannon's expression worried him.

"Wash alright?"

"She is doing much better this morning." The woman blocked his path. "Commander I am sure you have more important things to do today."

"I need to speak with Wash as soon as she is able." Actually he didn't care if all he did was sit by her bed; he could work there just fine. "She still awake?"

He sidestepped the doctor easily, the door was open and he saw Washington propped up in the bed; she looked nothing like herself. In a loose creamy shirt and long dark hair drying in soft waves around her face Washington looked nothing like the soldier she was; except for the bruises on her face and neck.

At least until her eyes locked on him, he practically saw her shut down. "Feeling better?"

"Fine." He saw her jaw shift, it was good he thought; she had a bit of her fight back.

"Ready to talk business?" Nathaniel knew she was, Wash always liked a challenge; and he had plenty for her.

"Ask someone who's tough enough to do it." Washington spat at him, her voice so cold it made him freeze. "I want to lick my wounds a little more."

His anger was countered by shock, a gentle hand rested on her arm as Elisabeth Shannon tried to intervene. "She really isn't up for visitors today."

He held his ground for a long moment, unwilling to cave; trying to understand how she had thrown his own words back at him. She glared back at him, and then turned her head to face the wall; he saw the gleam of tears in her eyes. Through everything, all kinds of circumstances he had never seen Wash cry; finally he turned away.

"I have that report you asked for, she was able to give me a little more information this morning." The doctor shut the door and guided him away, he took the plex from her with little expression; he couldn't reveal how much he dreaded that report.

Leaving the Shannon's house he sighed and decided to go and inspect the construction. The market had reopened and bustled as it had before, busier now than before as people hurried about. Crews worked repairing the road ways, buildings. The repairs to the fence had been completed first, the less urgent repairs were going to take a great deal of time.

As he approached the gate he watched a tired crew returning from memorial field. Stopping he waited for the soldiers escorting them to speak to the guards and the gate began to lower. Reynolds approached him after reporting to the perimeter guards.

"Progress report." He said as the young man stopped beside him, the soldier had a lot of promise and worked hard; he knew Wash had always thought highly of the young man. He liked him too, a conversation they'd had not so long ago came to mind.

"Burials are complete, head stones in place and the crews have been reassigned." A quick concise report, it had been a grim task but it needed to be done and the sooner the better.

Usually there would be a procession out to memorial field but given the circumstances he knew it would be unwise to do so. Instead they would have a service in the plaza, and seeing as Reynolds was free he now had someone to organize it.

"See that there is someone to speak for each of the fallen and get me a list by this evening. I will make an announcement tonight as to the time." It wasn't a typical assignment, many of the fallen had been his men and Reynolds comrades.

"Will you be speaking for Lieutenant Washington?"

He locked his jaw for a moment, this became tricky. "No. No one speaks for Wash. See it done."

The man gave him an odd look before turning away. He didn't need anyone to tell him that his decision on that would be much discussed and argued. But he would not have her remembered at the memorial when she was alive and healing, someday soon the colony would know.

He didn't know how long it would take her body to heal but she had faced him and in that he knew she was still in there. He had asked Elisabeth Shannon for a report on the injuries Washington had sustained and he carried it with him dreading reading it. Not only for what she had gone through but that he was also responsible for it as it had been his son who tortured her.

Leaving the market he walked towards the north end, the north had sustained the most damage when the colony was shelled. There he found Shannon and his youngest daughter, the child was being kept close to her father; an effort to keep her silent on something they didn't want known. The man was a cop and overseeing the work crews was not exactly the best utilization of his skills but right now it was where he needed him.

"Did you talk to Elisabeth?" The man sidled over, clearly something had happened this morning before he arrived.

Nathaniel only nodded, the woman would likely fill her husband in later. "Tomorrow, dismiss your crew at oh-nine hundred. We will gather in the plaza at ten for a memorial service."

"Is that wise? When they don't know and it isn't mentioned it could be seen as a great disrespect; I doubt anyone will take kindly to it." The man never seemed to have a problem voicing his opinion; the most glaring difference between law enforcement and military.

"I won't lie to them. They can be disgusted but someday they will get over it." He knew by the man's expression that they didn't agree, but he wasn't changing his mind on this.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Fear curled in her gut, she didn't ask how Elisabeth had gotten her dress uniform but the dark bag lay open on the opposite bed. The doctor had finally ceded to her protests about wasting drugs but required that she detox before trialing anything Malcolm had.

Pain was making its self known this morning but with it came limited movement and that was a trade she would make again. Never had it taken so much time to do such a simple task but getting into the uniform took a great deal of energy.

Elisabeth Shannon had a lot more patience than she did, the uselessness of her body was frustrating and infuriating. The woman's gentle hands took the time to straighten and smooth the dark fabric to get it to military standard, which nearly moved her to tears. It was partially her fault they were burying these people.

"What is that?" The woman said softly when she clumsily wiped her eye; not willing to let one make it down her cheek. "Hush, the uniform looks right on you, I think we can get you past inspection."

Maddie smoothed and straightened her hair before tying it into a tight knot at the base of her skull. The teenager was already dressed for the memorial, and when Zoe came in also scrubbed up and dressed for the service she knew it must be getting close. It only intensified the mixed emotions inside of her, she knew what Taylor thought of her and therefore what the colony knew. In truth she didn't want to face them, yet she was responsible for the lives lost during the occupation and she would show her respect for them.

Zoe reached into the bag and found the smooth black case, Alicia was trying to prevent Maddie from choking her with some sort of spray and didn't stop the child in time. She heard the little girl's awed sound and saw her medal case open. "How did you get so many medals?"

"She earned them Zoe, each one is for something she did; we don't play with those. They're important we have to put them on in a certain order." Maddie spoke before she could, she had learned that there was little that Maddie Shannon hadn't read about.

"I'm not going to wear them today." Alicia felt a little sick just looking at them, no one would agree that she deserved them.

"But you've earned a lot of them, and they're pretty." Zoe set the case on her knees, the little girl was so sweet and to her they probably were just pretty; each held a memory and none were good.

"Zoe, go and see if Josh and Daddy are ready, we need to get going." Elisabeth took the case from the child and closed it, setting it back in the bag. "Maddie I don't think there is any point in trying to cover the bruising, it is still to dark and the Lieutenant has never been one to wear make up."

The young woman nodded and packed up the various brushes and compacts on the bed. Alicia swallowed hard, it was time to go, and wrapping her arms around Elisabeth's neck she used the smaller woman to haul herself to her feet. Careful hands steadied her, avoiding her back as they slowly moved out of the room.

Feeling and control hadn't fully returned to her body yet, her upper body was much better than her legs and as she leaned on Elisabeth she wondered if they would even make it out of the house; let alone to the plaza. Modern medicine had done a lot for her; but some things required time. Contact in the center of her back made her gasp, pain exploded and her knees buckled; the pressure only increased.

"Not her back Josh, put your shoulder under her arm and reach across; brace on my back." Elisabeth instructed her son as Alicia gasped for breath, but with the two of them taking most of her weight it was easier to move.

"Sorry Lieutenant Washington." The teen spoke softly as they made their way out of the house.

"Not necessary. Thank you for your help." Without their support she didn't know where she would be.

As they approached the plaza more people noticed them and she saw mixed looks of shock and confusion. Did they think she didn't have a place at the memorial? Alicia swallowed her fear and focused on the ground in front of her.

The plaza was full and busy as everyone assembled, everyone was talking and many were craning their necks to stare at her. When someone bumped Josh, jarring her as well Alicia felt her breathing hitch; maybe she couldn't do this.

…..

Nathaniel watched as the colonists filled the square, the air nearly crackled with tension. They all felt the loss, and he knew the colonists believed they had lost another. He didn't know how to rectify that, the longer he left it the more difficult it became. Yet he knew if word got back to their enemies that Washington was alive it could become touchy, especially when she was not strong enough to defend herself.

He noticed the crowd parting, all the way to the front as people moved to allow someone through. Looks of shock and confusion were on every face and he felt a little of the shock himself as his Lieutenant made slow progress up to the front, propped between Josh and Elisabeth Shannon. Apparently he didn't need to tell the colony.

The rows of soldiers dressed in their blues and standing in formation rippled, trying to contain their own reactions. Some turned to look up at him, many of the older ones who had served under Washington a long time glared at him. Several of the young ones at the front looked nearly tortured as they stayed in line, he was turning for the stairs himself.

Finally Reilly broke the line and went to her commanding officer, when she turned to him her face was a straight mask; she had made her choice and wasn't going to be swayed. The young soldier had made a good call, and Elisabeth Shannon gave some quiet instructions before handing the Lieutenant over to the soldier.

With her hair smoothed into a knot, and her uniform neat and clean it was nearly impossible by appearance to tell what Washington had been through. The bruising on her face and neck told the story but it was the way she leaned heavily on Reilly and the other young soldier that truly told the tale. Only one thing stood out, her chest was bare.

Since they built the colony they had loosened many regulations, including dress code. Washington had always favored fatigues, tanks and a variety of leather vests and jackets that made seeing her in uniform rare. Yet there had been a few occasions over the years that demanded dress uniforms and at every one people had stared at the rows of medals on Washington's chest; unaware of just what it had cost her to earn each one. She was a highly decorated officer, but today she wore none of her medals, even their youngest soldiers had one; as by coming here each had seen active duty.

It did not go unnoticed, and it was not something he understood. He focused on her but she didn't once look up. With Reilly supporting her he watched as she planted her feet and squared her shoulders, staring forward; her expression sad.

As the memorial began and each person spoke he saw many emotions in the faces of the colonists, civilians and military alike. Eyes flicked between the stage and the Lieutenant standing in line; everyone had questions. Each person honored today had lost their life, Wash was alive and while she had made a sacrifice he wasn't going to ignore now was not the time to deal with it; yet the colony expected it to be addressed.

When the last person had spoke he stepped forward, everyone waited expectantly; he looked to Washington not encouraged when she continued to ignore him. In any other gathering they made eye contact at least a few times, even when she stood in a guard position.

"In the past few weeks we have lost a great deal. There have been many sacrifices made, now we remember; and we heal. Then we prepare to fight. We came back here for a second chance, we knew it wouldn't be easy. Yet we chose to come never expecting to return to the future and our future may not be easy but this is where we want to be. We will hold on to that." Nathaniel chose his words carefully before finishing the service; but he didn't really have their attention anyway.

Eyes were drawn to the woman in the front, waiting for an explanation; he couldn't do that yet. Shannon's report still sat on his desk, it wasn't something he was ready to read; he knew he didn't have much choice. His own emotions were still unclear regarding everything between her being dead, then alive; and now ignoring him.

The parade line prepared to move, he saw Reilly trying to make Washington pivot; the next thing he knew Washington was on the ground. He hurried down the stairs as gasps rolled through the colony. By the time he reached her so had Elisabeth Shannon.

"Let me get her." He spoke firmly, his tone enough to back up the soldiers who hovered; they needed an order. "Move out, in front."

"Don't move her." Elisabeth Shannon stepped in front of him, one of very few women he had decided who wasn't afraid of him in the least. "Let her go under her own steam, if it was a matter of carrying her we could put her in a chair."

"I'll get her up." Wash was trying to push herself up, Elisabeth Shannon was under one shoulder easing her up slowly; he knelt at her other side. "She's a soldier, I'll take her in the line."

Washington shrugged off his hand and her arms wrapped around the woman and leaned heavily on her as she got to her feet. "I don't need your help, worry about your men; I'm not one of them."

Stunned he watched her limp away, he felt as though he was losing her all over again. She never pushed him away, not when she was hurt or angry; she knew she could vent to him. Only now her sharp words weren't teasing, and she ignored him pointedly. He swallowed the realization that she had every right to blame him for what had happened to her. For raising the man who tortured her; he wondered if she had heard his words in that basement. Nathaniel wondered if it was possible to fix this.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

She sat on the couch next to Elisabeth, the woman put a cup of tea in her hand; Alicia stared at sadly. It had been a horrible day, she had caused a disruption in simply attending the ceremony and then humiliated herself at the end of it. At least she had told Taylor her intentions; time wouldn't have made it any easier.

Her memory was much hazier than she liked but there were pieces falling into place. Alicia would know his voice anywhere. She had listened to it more than about anyone else over the years; never had his words hurt so much.

"Have you ever told him what you feel Alicia?" She turned sharply at Elisabeth's voice, what she felt for him; she didn't know what she felt for him.

"He is my CO. He knows I respect him." It was safe, which was all she was meant to feel for him; anything else she had to ignore.

"How long has his wife been gone?" The woman questioned, clearly expecting her to know; she did.

"Eleven years. He loved Ayani, they were so good together and her death took a lot out of him." She smiled sadly, Ayani had been a special woman who loved her husband for who he was and through that put up with what he did. The military life had not been an easy for them and in the end cost the woman her life.

"That doesn't mean he couldn't love again, doesn't mean he doesn't already. And it doesn't harm her memory for you to love him Alicia. If you didn't his words wouldn't hurt so deeply."

"He doesn't know." And he wouldn't be impressed if he did, she was his second in command.

She wasn't supposed to have any feelings beyond professional; but she wasn't a good little soldier. He enjoyed ordering her around, watching her struggle to manage task after task and ruling over her life. Nathaniel Taylor had been a constant in her life for the last fifteen years, she didn't let many people get close to her; but then she didn't know if they really were close.

"Alicia, neither do you. For as many reasons as you can give for only seeing him as your CO, he can give just as many for seeing you as his right hand. Starting with his being much older."

She choked a laugh. "I am thirty four years old, it's not exactly cradle robbing. He doesn't see me like that; he made me work hard for his respect; that's all I get."

Maybe years ago it might have been, but then he had been married and she had been clear on where he wanted her; off his unit. From day one he had tried to get rid of her, then she'd proved herself and as years went on they had learned a balance. She followed orders and lived on call for the next mission eventually they had eased into civil existence and finally respect and a strange friendship; she should never have let her feelings go any further.

Elisabeth generously dropped the topic and moved on to discuss the possibilities of an herbal pain killer. She didn't know when the woman had the time to talk to Malcolm about it. She had began training as a combat medic at seventeen, medicine had interested her then and if she'd had another option she might have pursued it further.

But given her past the military was the best choice, and the only use they had for her in anything related to medicine was combat medic. She had trained several other skills as well as brought one in with her, medicine was the one she wasn't able to pursue.

She was the daughter of an expert tracker she was guided to the front line from day one; straight to Taylor's unit. She trained as a combat medic and not only kept herself current but continued to learn when she could. Listening to Elisabeth she took in the information and allowed her mind to shift into a different set.

There were risks to anything experimental and while her previous health had been compromised her body was still strong; she was a good test subject. While putting her in a bio bed would be ideal it was not a necessity, she knew that better than anyone. The medical technology was a luxury that while they enjoyed a well trained nurse or doctor could manage without and they would need to learn to.

It was not a guarantee and doses would have to be low, eventually working up effective pain management. She had a feeling that the doctor hadn't gone to Taylor for approval and she didn't care.

….

He stood in front of her house for a long time, she wasn't there and probably wouldn't be for a week. After the memorial service where all witnessed her pulling away from his help everyone had felt the need to give him a variety of advice and memories that they had with her. None approved of his words, they wanted to know about her, about how she survived and why they had not known. Some wanted to know more about her past.

Nathaniel had also received a variety of other advice, mostly from soldiers who had served with the both of them; a few from long ago. There had been one he couldn't shake, the man or the view. The retired soldier knew first hand just what Washington had been capable of before time and life had a chance to jade her; she had saved Casey's life long ago. The man had worked with them for years in Somalia, been reassigned and then as a veteran retired to Terra Nova.

 _'How long do you plan to jerk her around? Everyone here except for her got an invitation either lottery or recruitment; a choice. She got an order; the only way you would ever let her have a promotion.'_

The words played over and over in his head, he had never meant for her to see it that way, she had seen this place the way he did. A new future and a beautiful second chance away from the world of war they had lived for their respective careers. It wasn't meant to be an order in the sense of rank and file. It had been formal only because it contained her promotion and therefore had gone through the channels to give her the recognition for earning it.

Washington had always been up for a challenge, she didn't back down and he had grown to expect that; until he was forced to question it. He couldn't remember if he ever asked what she wanted, and didn't like to think she might have regrets about coming here.

Right now he was questioning everything, he had dispatched two units after the memorial service, one to scout the Phoenix army and the other to pull in their remaining supplies from the out posts. They hadn't heard from their enemy yet and it was nearing a week since they fled, reality would be setting in and the badlands would not be an easy place to live, their supplies would run low soon. Terra Nova couldn't afford to loose anything to raids.

But the more pressing issue was Washington, the rest he could handle on auto pilot for the time being. He wasn't willing to loose her, if she physically couldn't do her job in the same capacity anymore they would address that. She was healing, he knew it would take time but her mind was sharp. She had insight he wanted, that he always wanted whether she could serve as a soldier or not.

Stepping forward he opened the door, it wasn't locked and probably hadn't been since Washington had surrendered. He expected it to look like the woman herself, precise and neat; instead he stepped into a disaster. The place had been trashed, he had no idea how long it had been like this; or even when Washington had last been here.

Reaching for his radio he called Shannon on a private channel and asked for him to come. Slowly he walked through the house, stepping carefully around things on the floor and leaving them where they were as much as he wanted to begin picking them up. Shannon might be able to learn something from this.

He just saw a search effort and by the destruction a failed one. Everything had been torn off the walls, the couch and cushions had been ripped apart, clothes, dishes and books littered the floor. Moving into the second bedroom he knew Wash had converted into a workout room he saw the same destruction but he moved quickly to the closet; he knew she used it as a lock up for her weapon collection. The door hung open but the weapon cases were gone, every shelf was bare.

He felt a wave of disappointment and he knew it would upset her. Wash had collected old weapons for years and gotten special permission to have them sent through with the second pilgrimage. He had approved of it for many reasons, one that would hurt them now that those weapons had fell into enemy hands was that they didn't rely on any form of energy; all had manual firing pins.

Nathaniel sighed as he mentally added those to the list of inventory the colony had lost, their armory and infirmary had been seriously depleted. Shannon joined him there and winced as he listed off the weapons lost.

"You think they found what they were looking for?" He asked as the man fell back into his trade, crouching to examine the door and frame.

"They enjoyed destroying her place if they did. I assume she kept this locked?"

"Yes." Wash was military through and through, he knew she would have been careful about that.

The man traced his fingers a long the frame and then stood and began to move through out the house, Taylor followed him as the man looked through the rooms. He had always thought of her place as being sparse, but as he looked around he saw many keep sakes she must have packed and sent through with her things.

As they walked through the living room Shannon knelt and picked up a frame; holding it out to him in a question. It was a picture of Wash as a girl standing between two people; holding a folded flag. "Her father's funeral, those are her grandparents; never knew her mother."

The man nodded and carried it with him for a moment, setting it on the kitchen counter. Few people knew about Wash's life before the military, it wasn't something she talked about and when her grandparent's died he knew she had devoted herself to the military.

"I don't think they found what they were looking for." Shannon commented, picking up a few more things on the floor. "We may never know, Wash may be able to tell us more; but she doesn't need to see this."

"Then lets clean it up." He growled, they were looking for something, but destroying the place for no reason was just wasteful.

Shannon might be a married man but he didn't like the idea of him going through Wash's personal things; he started in the bed room. Shoving the bed back into place and replacing the mattresses he made the bed to standard; the way he felt sure she would have left it. Privately he wondered where she had kept her safety, she would have had one within reach from her bed.

The mattress hadn't been cut open and showed no alterations. Everything had been knocked off the head board shelf and strewn over the floor, he began to pick some of the things up. Having no idea how she had them placed Nathaniel set them in a row.

Gripping the base under the shelf to feel for damage he found a gap and slid his hand in; closing his hand around the grip of a weapon. He pulled out a sonic pistol, then dropped onto the bed to look from a different angle. Looking down on the bed from above it was impossible to see that the shelf had a false bottom; the narrow gap that housed more than a pistol. Sliding his hand into the gap again he came up with a combat knife.

He stepped into the hall and held out both weapons to Shannon. "Missed these in their search."

"Where'd she stash them?"

"In the bed frame, good spot too." He left the weapons on the kitchen counter, he didn't want to ask her to give them to the armory but the pistol was needed. Wash might have stashed more. "Look for stash points, in barracks she had a reputation for hiding herself and things."

He returned to the bedroom and righted the dresser, putting the drawers back in and stared at the clothes. Most of her clothes were for work, black and dark grey tanks, cargo pants and fatigues. But otherwise Wash had her own style and looking at some of it she could kill a man. She liked leather, jackets and vests just worn everyday was enough, his mind was taking him somewhere else and he had to pull it back fast.

Soon he had most of the clothes picked up and put away, working hard not to let his mind wander. With one room done he stepped into the next room. He spent a lot of time with Wash over the years but not much in her home; her things gave him a different view of her.

"Taylor." He heard Shannon call, and found him in the bathroom standing on a chair; trying to pry up a board in the ceiling. "Get the other end."

"What have you got?" Nathaniel asked as he looked for something to stand on.

"Learned something about construction in the last few days. These ceilings have dead space, if she is good at hiding things then this board may be loose for a lot of reasons." They fought to get the board out, giving up on easing it out and using their joint strength to pry it free.

He had a feeling there was an easier way of doing that but once they got a light in there he felt a wave of relief. There was not just a few weapon cases lying in the rafters but the space was stacked full; he wasn't ready to guess how many.

"This isn't just her personal arsenal is it?" Shannon looked slightly concerned.

"I don't know yet." Wash had a number of weapons, some new ones but mostly older models and a number of precision rifles; all of which she was deadly with.

They began to pull cases down, taking turns ferrying them out into the hall, and living room. Washington had stashed a good part of the armory under the eves of her house and while he was nearly laughing with relief he couldn't quite understand when she had decided to do it.

"I can't reach anymore." Shannon stood on the chair, his hands on the ceiling and more than fifty weapons in cases lined the halls. "She has used every inch of dead space in this house."

"I'll bet she fit right in there." Something had made Washington do this, and whatever he had thought before he wasn't sure of now. He did know how to get into her head, if she'd hid one thing there was more.

It took the better part of two hours to get the weapons down and inventoried, with the help of Reilly who was able to squeeze into the crawl space and Reynolds they sorted the weapons and learned that Washington had stored enough weapons from the colony's armory to supply the number of men he had left with her as well as her own collection.

Staring at the cases of weapons, a welcome surprise in their current state he felt sure of something he had been trying to sort out since the start. "Wash had a plan."

"She just never got the chance to put it into action." Shannon still stood with him, they had reassembled her closet with her weapons and ammunition, a great deal of which she had also put away from the colony's supply. "She must have done this shortly before she surrendered the colony. It may be why they tortured her. If she didn't give it up it is possible trauma messed with her memory."

"No, I don't think the number of weapons they couldn't locate was the reason she was tortured. It does make me wonder what else they missed and what else she got into." She tortured because of who she was to him.

He had a feeling she would have been tortured whether she spilled her guts and turned over every last secret she knew or not; his son was bent on revenge. And hurting Washington, making him question what he thought of her hurt more than the wound in his side. His son would realize that. "We need to look into everything, and everywhere she might have been; don't confront her with it yet."


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Alicia lay on her stomach, it was about the only comfortable way to rest. She felt exhausted, the experimental drug was working its magic and all she really wanted to do was sleep. If not for Elisabeth's questions every five minutes she probably already would be taking a nap.

But Zoe had come and presented her with a dinosaur and proceeded to curl up beside her; ignoring her mother's protests. Elisabeth was staying close, worrying over the drug in her system. Alicia however was feeling very comfortable and little Zoe curling up with her was nice. Shifting to her side to hold the little girl Alicia smiled as the child snuggled into her chest.

"At this rate you can take her with you when you go home." She met Elisabeth's gaze with a guilty one, the woman laughed.

"It is really nice, I like kids but it's never been much of an option." If she had a child she would probably spoil it rotten now.

"I think that option is more available than you think; there are certainly men in the colony who would be willing to help you with it." The woman teased, she rolled her eyes; her job was enough to keep most men at a distance. "Just maybe not the one you want."

"Which one do you want?" They both looked at Zoe, the little girl looked at her innocently. "I think you should have your pick. I could ask."

"No. Zoe, go play for a bit; you can come back later if Alicia lets you." Elisabeth shooed her child away laughing at the protests, Alicia grinned as the little girl climbed off the bed. "You know you are her hero."

"Not much of a hero, spend too much time drinking." She sighed, she'd seen that at the memorial service; everyone knew now.

"You and I both know that is not true. Your memory will get better but you need to forget the stupid things."

"I remember the whiskey." She smiled sadly, the whiskey was one memory she was sure of; she only had bits and pieces of everything else. "I'd like to forget."

"Talking helps, and I will listen." Elisabeth moved to sit beside her.

She swallowed hard, she wondered if it would or not; it might help her sort out what was missing. They both paused as they heard Zoe in the hall; this was not something for a child to hear. As the little girl's voice carried and another joined it Alicia stiffened.

"What are you up to Zoe?" She recognized the Commander's voice, she didn't want to know why he was here.

"Lieutenant Washington wants a baby, I'm gonna find the man she wants. She wants one." The child reported happily and Alicia felt horror curl inside of her as Elisabeth started laughing; mouthing an apology.

"Is that right?" They could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Will you make a baby for Lieutenant Washington? I think she would like it a lot." No, the girl could not have worse questions; but she did. "Is it hard to make a baby?"

Zoe sounded so innocent and as they both dissolved into giggles, Alicia was horrified and relieved when they heard Jim Shannon intervene as male laughter floated into the room.

…

It was the happiest he had heard Wash in a long time, her laugh brought a slight smile to his face. The child's antics were adorable and he couldn't agree more with Zoe; she would be a good mother. And against his better judgement he was sure that making a baby with her would be pleasurable; he couldn't think about that much more. Not if he hoped to face her.

Leaving Shannon to handle his daughter's questions he opened the door to the bedroom. Both women sat on the bed, he could see laughter in their eyes. Elisabeth excused herself quickly and just as quickly the light went out of Washington's eyes.

"Feeling better Wash?" He settled onto the other bed, he wasn't giving up on her.

"Fine Sir."

"Feeling motherly are you? Or horny?" He decided to test the waters, before any of this he would have gotten a rye grin and some line; she'd taken her share and knew how to give it back. Today he got a dark look.

"None of your business."

"Understood. Look Wash, I'm not your favorite person right now but you know you are in no shape to be making career choices. You're not even back on your feet yet." He leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands, she had given up avoiding his gaze; instead she glared at him.

"If I can't do the job to standard then I'm not doing it. I want out." She knew he referred to her remark as Elisabeth helped haul her to her feet; but she didn't cave. That was good, she was shaken he thought but the soldier was still in there.

Nodding slowly Nathaniel considered his next words carefully. If he pushed the issue she could easily shut down on him; if he didn't he would have to wait even longer. "Your memory of the occupation, it is spotty."

"Enough of the gaps have been filled in, and the colony made it clear." Another curt response. "If you want it in writing I'll do that but I'm not coming back. I more than qualify for a medical out; just let me go."

"Not going to happen, Wash we need you and you know that. The colony didn't even know you survived, they were surprised to see you at all." He wasn't giving her an out, she only had another four years before she'd put in her twenty and if she was truly unhappy then they could have this fight again.

"Why?" Her brows knit and brown eyes softened, he knew she would care about the colony; these people were her family.

He reached out, touching her for the first time that she was aware and not pulling away. "I only wanted to protect you, Wash we haven't heard from the Phoenix army or the Sixers and I want you to heal in peace."

She stiffened again but didn't pull away, his hand cupped her cheek; his thumb resting on her cheek bone. As much as he intended to look at Wash as a soldier, it was impossible to deny she was a woman and right now he wanted to protect her; to do everything that would make her furious.

"I remember some things, but pieces are missing." She spoke softly and he saw the pain that caused her; he was fairly sure of one thing she remembered.

"You remember being in that basement, and you remember me?" She jerked away, not looking at him; that was his answer. Nathaniel swallowed, she didn't need to say a word but he needed to do something.

She was a soldier, she was a strong and capable woman but she still needed to be allowed to step away sometimes; and he didn't know when he'd lost sight of that. He knew it with the others, duty rosters, holidays and incentive yet with Wash he had ignored it. His expectations of her were the same no matter what the day; and had been ever since they came here.

"I am sorry Wash, I am sorry for what I said and for what was implied. It is inexcusable and I know you; I should have known better. Be mad at me but do not walk away from the colony, we need you now more than ever and I have been reminded of that over and over today. I am sorry for my son as well." His child who he was meant to love had hurt those who meant a great deal to him.

When he had been assigned this project he had known who he wanted with him, it was a wonderful second chance and one they had such hope for. Yet it had a great cost and now it was in jeopardy, and this is one of the people he knew he could count on to help change that.

He wondered how long it was going to take him to earn back her trust, and support. She was a soldier who would take orders but he did not want any of his soldiers to take an order while hating him for it. At least not her, Washington was one of few people he truly considered a friend; she'd been by his side a long time. And he had hurt her badly. Nathaniel sat by hers a long time, silence between them uncomfortable but an unspoken battle was being fought; a battle of wills. He wanted to hear a few short words from her and she refused to look at him. Eventually it passed and he sat beside her trying hard to forget.

When he heard a soft breathy sound he glanced realized that Wash was sleeping. Her hair fell softly around her face and despite the bruises she was beautiful. She was young, strong, little Zoe was right; she deserved a man and a family. The pressure he put on her was not entirely fair. Gently he lay her down, surprised at how docile she was when she was sleeping.

Leaving her in the room to rest he stepped back out into the hall. It was odd, being around this family, it was something he had never really had. Not with Ayani, back then he was away more than he was home; uprooting his wife and son every few years to move them closer to a new hot zone.

He had cared for Ayani, loved her deeply, and always would but in so many ways she had never understood him. Their friendship had been much deeper than their passion, part of that was his fault; he had been away too much. They'd had their son within the first year of their marriage and he had united them. They had loved their child, and respected each other, but she hadn't understood his sense of duty or interest in history. Coming here would have terrified her.

Excusing himself from the household, he headed to his own place. He needed some sleep, with teams out to do some reconnaissance he could focus on getting Wash back. Starting with getting her to the Command Center tomorrow, the sooner she realized just how much they needed her the sooner she would come around.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

She dressed herself, and that alone was an undertaking, Alicia was still realizing how weak her body was but putting on her own clothes felt wonderful. Cargo pants, a tank top and her favorite leather vest made her feel slightly more human. The vest however was not going to come off for a long time as her back was still a mess. Elisabeth had agreed with her that the dressing was no longer necessary.

Alicia pushed to her feet, fighting to keep her balance as her vision spun slightly, she made a mental note to ask the doctor if she'd got a bigger dose this morning. As she dropped back to the bed a shock of pain raced up her spine.

Pain is something she has known for a long time, it isn't new to her body and it hasn't killed her yet. Although this time it did come the closest, she knows with the colony's resources severely depleted she doesn't need to be using their pain killers for something she can handle. A test subject was something else, this test however seemed effective only when she was resting, as she tried to stand again and failed the pain raced through her; taking longer to fade this time.

And now she was on the floor, Alicia had managed to get herself turned over and semi sitting before the door flew open; Taylor followed Elisabeth into the room. Alicia sighed, he was about the last person she wanted around, but he would be impossible to get rid of.

"I'm fine, I just don't have my balance back."

"Your balance may be affected for a few days, even a week or more. You need to take some time to heal, but you just want to push yourself." Elisabeth scolded, helping her to her feet, a steadying hand on her hip.

"I need to move; do something." She needed to feel normal, just a little bit of self control would go a long way to helping her mood.

"Any side effects?" The doctor asked, at least Elisabeth helped her to stand rather than pivoting her to sit on the bed.

"Drowsy and it doesn't handle the pain when I'm trying to move." She knew there was no point in lying, it defeated the purpose of being the test subject. The woman would probably see something on the scans anyways. "Manageable."

"Mhm." The doctor made a soft sound as she helped her to the living room. "I'll continue the scans. We may increase the dose."

She didn't protest, instead she focused on moving; one foot in front of the other until she was allowed to drop onto the couch. Suddenly Zoe was there, the little girl smiled at her innocently; Alicia couldn't help but think of her antics a few days ago. "Can I brush your hair?"

She nodded, shifting so the little girl could run the brush through her hair. This was what little girls were supposed to do and what Zoe lacked in skill she made up for in force; trying to untangle all the knots. It made Alicia wince and the doctor frown but neither of them stopped it; Alicia didn't want it to stop.

…..

He watched the surprisingly domestic scene with a smile, Zoe seemed to have named herself Wash's personal attachment and the Lieutenant was happy to indulge her. Nathaniel had no doubt she was enjoying the time the child wanted to spend with her as much as the girl enjoyed the time snuggled up to her hero.

The older Shannon children had been given permission to spread the story after the memorial. He had pulled Reynolds aside himself for a few words; the young man had been upset by the rumors spread about his girlfriend. And then put it around the barracks, there was a good deal of the story he didn't know and he wasn't sure how he was going to fill it in.

Just this morning he had stood in the Shannon's kitchen and gotten a briefing from the couple from both the medical and legal side of the picture. Wash may never remember all of what had happened but there were enough people in the colony that if even a few came forward with something they may be able to piece together a portion of it. He had been implored by the doctor not to push the memory loss, the woman was dealing with enough trauma without being forced to remember.

The smallest Shannon raked the brush through Washington's hair, occasionally getting caught on a tangle and not knowing to be gentle just yanked harder. Everyone in the room winced when the little girl kneeling behind the woman lost her balance and fell forward; connecting solidly with the woman's injured back. Wash let out a choked sound and heaved forward.

"Okay sweetie that's enough, you need to get ready for school now." Elisabeth removed her child from the couch and sat down behind the woman, her next words were heard only by the person closest to her.

Slowly the leather vest was eased off and everyone in the room saw the injuries that the dark tank top didn't cover. He heard several reactions, everyone in the room knew she had been through an ordeal but to his knowledge this was the first time anyone but Elisabeth Shannon and himself had seen it. They had no idea how much of an improvement excellent medical care had made.

He was thankful the child was gone, unaware of the pain she had accidentally caused; but the older Shannon children saw. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Maddie bail for the door, remembering something Skye had told him about the girl not having her mother's stomach for gore he followed.

Maddie Shannon leaned against the outer wall of the house looking pale. Nathaniel schooled his features quickly, this bright young woman was not one of his soldiers and telling a woman to toughen up had already gotten him into trouble. The young woman looked up at him, her face full of shame.

"Dad said they tortured her, you know; before…." The girl trailed off, it was a rare thing for her to be at a loss for words. "Before she helped us escape, and what he did was horrible; I just didn't know it looked like that. It must hurt her a lot, and she doesn't complain. "

"I didn't know, mum didn't let me see and I didn't think it was too bad..." Once she got started she didn't stop and he knew she needed to talk, his injured officer had been taking both of her parent's attention for the past several days. All that had happened was difficult for any adult to deal with let alone a teenager.

The girl moved through topics quickly moving from the lack of medicine left in the colony and the scars that would forever mark Washington's body to being angry about not being able to tell her boyfriend that she hadn't gotten drunk and guilt that Washington was hurt so badly. Nathaniel searched for words to reassure her, she and nearly every other person in the colony did not need to feel guilty for what had happened to the Lieutenant; even if Washington had died.

The guilt lay on the hands of the Sixers, the Phoenix army and mostly on his son; which in turn meant on him. Someday they would be forced to account for that, and on that day Taylor wasn't sure if he would be able to show any mercy; he hadn't known much of it his life.

"Can I tell you a story?" He decided on a course of action, he would show the girl that Wash was tougher than most; this wouldn't keep her down. "Wash's first station was as the combat medic on my unit. She was only a couple years older than you; just out of boot camp. There was no way on earth I wanted her on my unit, I thought she was going to be a liability."

Josh Shannon joined them silently; Taylor continued with his story. " She was just a kid, and I went to the brass to get rid of her before I even met her, then I let her know I didn't want her there; didn't stop my men from letting her know what they thought either."

He had let his second take control of the transport, it had been a mistake. A foolish mistake had left them in the middle of a wasteland stranded; injured and cut off from any support. "Our first mission there was an accident, I was thrown from the transport; lost consciousness. When I came to we were in a cave, there was a fire and there were rations. My unit was looked after, our youngest member was gone."

"Only one of my men remained conscious the entire time, I was the last to come around, Wash had gotten us to higher ground one at a time, built a fire and defensible perimeter. Then she left, it seemed like days before she returned. We were in bad shape, needless to say it was a relief when she returned with a transport."

"We'd given her a hard time, more than we would have given any young man who joined us but it's thanks to her that we all came out of that one. I walked into Command expecting to have it brought down on my back only to be informed our mission had been completed; and I was getting my wish." He'd thought about that more than once in the past week.

"I thought she served with you from the start?" Josh asked, the young man was studying him carefully; waiting for the point to the story.

"She did, I had to work harder to convince the brass to give her back to me than I've had to work for anything in my life. She completed the mission solo and with injuries none of us knew about. She'd been pinned in the vehicle but had managed to get free; that was a dangerous part of the world. She never breathed a word of what we put her through out there, never told me her past either. Wash holds very few beliefs, but the ones she does she holds onto hard; and I can't say if they are right or wrong." He felt his own chest constrict as he thought about how she explained it to him so long ago.

"Does she believe in some ancient religion?" Maddie asked, he had no doubt he could start trying to name some obscure one and she would be able to explain it to him.

"I don't know that it is a religion; or that she holds all the tenants of it. Wash has known a lot of challenges in life and most of us would be angry or hurt with how our lives have gone. She believes she is not given more than she can handle, and that when it is her time to die there will be nothing to prevent it.

"She believes in second chances, and in working hard for them; she played a part in giving us a second chance and would have believed her life to be a fair cost. We can focus on the horror of what happened to her or we can support her as she heals; we can let her enjoy seeing us all embrace the chance she fought for. And be thankful it wasn't her day to die." Words he should have said days ago, things he should have remembered; they were bitter on his tongue. Too little too late.

Both kids listened to him intently, he wondered if he had done justice in explaining it, if he had eased what they felt at all. If he should have shared that memory, it was hers more than it was his and he knew she was a very private person; but something had to be said. It was hope that kept Wash fighting, that had kept her alive in the worst battles; hope for something better. Hope for innocence that she didn't think she deserved and while he had never learned exactly why that was he knew it was wrong; told her so long ago.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"I am not going, I don't want to see people." She argued with the man, the Shannon house had been vacated with the exception of her and the Commander.

Shannon had seen his kids to school and gone off, probably to supervise the construction of something and the doctor had headed to the infirmary once Taylor told her he planned to take Alicia with him to the Command Center. It was that comment that made fear build in the pit of her stomach, tamping it back fast she favored anger.

She had made her intentions clear to him, but it never seemed to matter; he wanted it his way. She had told him to find a new second, one who was up to the demands he made because she was long since over it. Then she had argued that had they been anywhere else in the future she would have got honorable discharge; her body was never going to be what it had before.

He didn't listen, heard her words but seemed to feel she should just get over it; walk on as if nothing had ever happened. Alicia couldn't do that, before maybe she had been able, but a person could only pick themselves up, heal and get on with it so many times. She hadn't planned on getting back up this time; hadn't thought she'd have the chance.

While she would never regret being given another day, or fighting tooth and nail to make it count she wasn't sure she wanted to fight so hard this time. She wasn't sure she wanted to fight for a living any more, surviving sounded alright to her. With her combat medical training she could work in the infirmary and if that didn't pan out construction detail didn't sound so bad. She could have a life that wasn't about war.

But Taylor wouldn't have it, wouldn't hear it and wanted her back in that damn Command Center today. To sit at the desk where those men had sat; had sat and watched. Oddly that memory was crystal clear, that and one other; both times she had thought she would die. Both times she had survived, once to crawl away in pain and the other lay lost in it for days.

The man could be impossible but she had known that for years, and she was just as stubborn as he was. But she also knew he was a good man, one she had a great deal of respect for. She knew how to call him to the line, and had done so on more than one occasion. He had made the military his life, given it his all, just as she had; the difference was she was done.

Since she was a little girl she had faced her fears head on, this time she wasn't; she could go her entire life without stepping back into that place and be happy. She never wanted to confront that memory, if she did Alicia wasn't sure she would be able to put it back together.

"Fine, then at least get out of this house, come to the market with me." The man standing across from the couch relented at last, but the trade was not much better.

"I can hardly walk." And she hated to admit that, but for now it served her purposes; the market would be full of people and some might have words for her.

"Then hang onto me." He crouched in front of her, those stunning blue eyes locking onto hers; she knew he knew that she loved his eyes. Not that she had ever said it, but still he knew; and he knew how to make her do what he wanted. Probably sensed that today a challenge would just be enough for her to crawl back into that bed; so instead he was supportive.

His hands came to her hips as her arms wrapped around his neck; he drew her against him with ease. For a moment he held her close, Alicia clenched her jaw, trying to ignore how solid his chest was; how safe he seemed.

Just as quickly he shifted her to his side, tucking her under his shoulder and guiding one arm around his back; his crossing over to hold her opposite hip. It took only a few paces for her to adjust to his stride and to realize it was taking a mountain of self control for him to let her stumble along.

They had barely gone a block when he began to ask if she needed to rest. "I walked to the plaza with help and stood through the ceremony."

He growled at her in response, apparently not able to come up with a good retort quick enough. It was enough to make her smile, although she contains it quickly, they are coming up on the market. Taylor chooses a spot at the edge and sets her on a large rock that acts as a bench; promising that he will be back quickly.

He returns with juice and some fresh fruit in only a matter of minutes. Alicia can feel the eyes of most of the colonists on her, some of the civilians openly staring while the security team sneaks glances from their various positions. When none approach she is thankful, and the food does not hurt either.

The Commander she knows is just biding his time. He got his way in getting her out of the house and while she will not cave on going to the Command Center she knows he has spent the time trying to devise a new plan.

His hand reaches out to brush her cheek, Alicia turns with a start; his touch is so gentle and obvious. Is he really going to toy with her now? And does he need to do it in front of the colony? Jerking away from his touch she fixes him with a glare. A cough makes her turn.

"Looking better Washington. I've missed having you around." She looks up at Boylan, the man actually sounds somewhat sincere, although that may just be a tactic to further irritate the Commander.

"Don't count on seeing me around too much more." As her confinement to the bar had been lifted she figured she wanted it to be a long time before she stepped foot in there again. But if the man hadn't gotten his hands on some weapons where she spent her time wouldn't be a concern. "And thanks."

"We need someone to keep Taylor in line, and everyone knows who keeps the line round here." The man smirked, maybe he was just here to have a few digs at the Commander; she looked up when something nudged her shoulder. "Have a few at home; might make a few better memories."

Alicia took the brown paper covered object with a slight hesitation; it would be a long time before she could stomach anymore of Boylan's hooch. Peeling back the paper a little bit she couldn't help but grin, this time she did thank the ex soldier with a little bit of pleasure; it was a full bottle of real whiskey.

She was silent as the men exchanged a look, words neither would ever say. Finally the bar owner ambled away, they both watched him go. The Commander was the first to speak. "Guess you should put that away."

She nodded silently, letting him take the concealed bottle and help her up. It takes her only a few strides to know where he is taking her and oddly she is alright with it. Within moments they are entering her house, it is safe and familiar; yet different.

As she begins to take it in critically she frowns, things aren't right; they have been moved and some are gone altogether. Someone had been here, and had gone through her stuff; the Commander answered the question before she asked. "We found it trashed, put it back together the best we could."

Letting him set her on the couch Alicia looked around and fought a wave of disappointment. Her home was safe, it was her place and she allowed very few into it. The thought of people tossing through her things, especially those mercenaries made her sick.

The radio crackled and Wash turned instinctively, only to see the Commander's retreating back. So he wanted her back, but he didn't want her in the loop; that just figured. Tipping her head back against the cushion Alicia sighed, her home might have been violated; but it was still hers.

She couldn't deny that there was something comforting about being in her own home, with her own things. It was only mid morning but the idea of crawling into her bed seemed very good. Pushing herself up very slowly she took a few steps to get to the hall and then braced her hands on either wall and headed for her room.

There was something about being home, about being in this house; there was something here. She just couldn't put together what it was. Hands on her hips make her stiffen, if she didn't know the touch she would have thrown an elbow back at such an action.

"Gotta take you back to Shannon's." He turned her around and settled her under his shoulder as though she were a small child; the thought alone made her fume.

Alicia allowed herself to be deposited on the bed in the Shannon's house, silently cursing the man who told her to rest and then left. She gave him five minutes and then pushed herself to sit up. A few moments in her home was a tease, especially when she could feel something was there.

Shoving to her feet Alicia struggled to get her balance and make her way out of the room. She needed to get this down, once she got out of the house there would be a lot more eyes and some might take the chance of trying to help her; she wasn't in the mood for company.

But she had been trained in stealth and while her balance was off and her body was weak it was still capable. She slipped around the side of the house, going around the long way, keeping clear of the market and prying eyes. It took her a long time to get there, she had to stop several times as her vision swam.

Finally at the front door she slipped inside and took a deep breath; she was alone. Alicia moved slowly through her home, reaching the bedroom this time she debated crawling under the covers and staying there; someone would undoubtedly disturb her. She had a better idea, and right now she wanted a little comfort; a piece of home.

Opening the closet in her room she noted things were not in the proper places either on the rack or the shelves; but everything looked to be there. Finding a box she usually kept on the top shelf, now in the middle she opened it; choosing one of the little cups of wax in it.

The little scented wax cup was one of only a few she had left, a gift from her grandmother who raised her; she had passed before they came. Had she survived Alicia would have tried to bring her through, it would have been wonderful to have the woman who mothered her here with her; although she knew there would have also been some awkward arguments over her lifestyle. Alicia missed her, missed her more when she was hurting.

Lighting the little thing she took a summer sheet and eased herself to her knees by the bed. She'd had this bed built after her childhood one, it was big and high; hiding a cubby underneath. She'd told herself she was doing it in case she'd ever needed to stow gear.

It was the perfect place to escape the Commander and the colony, when she eased into the cubby she relaxed. Closed in on three sides, open at the head board to allow a little air flow. Curled into the blanket and letting the comforting scent envelope her Alicia rested.

It had been a very long time since she had felt so warm and comfortable, it reminded her of being home with her family; those visits had been few and far between over the years. Her father's job had taken him away a great deal of the time, leaving most of her upbringing to her grandparents and the older couple had done their best; life hadn't been fair.

She had been thirteen when her dad was killed in the line of duty, he had been trying to find a young family taken hostage in war. In exchange for information her father had been sent in to get them back; he had never returned.

Her decision had been made the day his Commanding Officer came and gave her a flag; she would live and die in the same manor. She had never wavered in her decision, her innocence taken long before she decided to go into the military. At thirteen she began to train herself in the way she had seen her father prepare.

Twenty years had passed since she made that decision, she had seen a lot of war, and she had fought for the lives of others, in the process taken many as well. She lived with that, and had come to this place believing it was the road to the end; now a new war was brewing. As much as she wanted to leave the military she didn't know if she could stand down should the colony be threatened.

Alicia drifted to sleep with memories from long ago to comfort her, confident no one would disturb her here. Her body needed to heal, her strength to rally that she could be ready to fight again; because the time would come again. And right now she was too tired to focus on it, to imagine what a war would do to this beautiful land.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"Where is Alicia?" Elisabeth Shannon stood in the door way to the Command Center, a look of concern plastered on her face.

He frowned as Shannon placated his wife. "At the house."

"No, she is not and she is not at the market either." The woman's voice was brittle and he felt a knot of concern build in the pit of his stomach. He had already learned this woman wasn't prone to over reacting. "She is hardly steady on her feet."

"You are sure she's not in your house?" Nathaniel began to consider the alternatives, all of them concerning. At the woman's nod he asked the next question. "Is she in her right mind?"

"This morning she seemed to be, you saw her last but it is possible she is confused. She has been through a lot, there are other concerns when she has been through so much, she could be having a flashback." The doctor explained, her voice calm but concern was edging in.

"Alright." Flicking on his com and ordering the security team to assemble; then turning to the Shannon couple. "Check her place."

Moving quickly he tried not to think of the trouble she could be in, Wash knew how to survive; the concern was where her mind was and was her body strong enough. Shannon returned looking grim, his wife gone to check on their children; to see if Wash had said anything to them. He dispatched search teams outside the gates as well as within the colony.

They had only a few hours before night fell, they needed to find her soon. He ordered the teams he dispatched to keep quiet, he didn't want this all over the colony. Slowly reports came in, he put Shannon on security feeds. By nightfall no one could find a sign that she had left the colony, if it was anyone else missing that would be reassuring; they could assume she was still within the gates.

With Wash that wasn't possible, if she didn't want to be found it was going to be damn hard to find her, and as a seasoned overland tracker she could obscure her trail. Donning his own night gear he crossed the compound, she hadn't been seen for over eight hours. That could be a lot of ground, a hole to hide in or several options he wasn't allowing himself to consider.

Passing her unit he frowned, there was a heat signature in her house. Moving closer he punched in the code and opened the door. Leaving his thermal lenses on he moved through the house to find it; under the bed. Examining the frame carefully he found a loose panel; this was Wash's hidey hole. He had missed it before, a rap of his knuckles confirmed it was hollow; a wave of relief fell on him.

Somehow he was not at all surprised that she had one, nor that it was so obvious; she was well trained. And he was glad that it was a hidey hole rather than an OTG nest, which he knew she had as well. Carefully popping the panel Nathaniel lay on the floor and stilled himself to listen; hearing her soft steady breathing.

Relieved he eased back to his knees and left the room to call the search off. He heard no protests or questions as they agreed. This wasn't about the inconvenience of their efforts, everyone was just glad she was safe.

Not five minutes later Elisabeth Shannon knelt by the bed while he stood with her husband. The man had found something on the security tapes but was being elusive on what it was. That would have to wait for the next day to be dealt with. The doctor looked like she was considering crawling in.

"I wouldn't do that doc, she doesn't need a weapon to kill you." He warned the woman, it wasn't a good idea to get Wash into a corner.

"You aren't concerned that she has crawled under a bed?" The woman still crouched by the bed, looking concerned.

"Wash likes holing up, always has. She's breathing, I'll wait her out; if she's not in her right mind I'll contact you. Leave me something to give her for pain. I think she just wants some privacy." The doctor didn't look convinced but got up slowly, leaving a container of gel on the dresser, he wondered if Wash was listening to them talk.

"You need to look at those tapes." Shannon put a hand on his wife's side, stressing his opinion. Taylor noticed the free touch, the way she eased closer to him; the man was lucky to have that.

As the front door shut he contemplated the couch, but her bed was empty; and it would be a lot more comfortable. Stretching out he allowed himself to sleep, he knew for appearances he was making a mess; but he was past caring. Wash wanted to be in her own home, she wanted her privacy and no one could blame her for taking that.

The woman had been fending for herself a long time, her reactions didn't really surprise him. They had penned her in, surrounded her with people and care in a way that she needed but went against everything she was used to. Plus he had been trying her nerves, and he knew she was angry with him. Had they stuck her in barracks with rowdy soldiers Wash probably would have been more at home, taken her space but likely on a quiet upper bunk.

He woke to rustling beneath him, Wash was awake. Shifting to his side he watched to see her ease out, getting slowly and awkwardly to her feet, hardly the agile confident movements he was used to. He saw her look him over silently, their eyes locked for a moment and he noted hers were clear but unreadable.

Wordlessly she reached to steady herself on the wall and used the support to leave the room. Sitting up he waited, he heard the shower start. Moving closer he continued to listen carefully, a moment later he heard a pained screech and moved fast.

The door was almost closed, he could see Wash's hands braced on the sink and knew what happened. "Don't let it hit your back. Face forward."

He waited a moment for her to get in, he heard a soft whimper but when the tinted glass shut he stepped into the bathroom. Taking a towel he dried the floor and hung a fresh one for her. Oddly he found himself comfortable in her place, he had expected to feel a need to leave.

But he didn't, and when she came out wrapped in a thick towel her expression revealed her confusion at his presence. He didn't address it, simply followed her down the hall; she would protest given the chance. "Lay down, the doc left soothing gel for your back."

She eyed him, clearly unsure if she should fight him on it, but he had a feeling the ache in her back won out. He swallowed hard as she stretched out on the bed and he knew that was a demonstration of trust. Easing onto the bed beside her he reached for the towel, easing it down to her hips; hearing her measured breathe. Nathaniel kept her rear covered, he wasn't looking for a cheap thrill.

He knew it was taking a great deal for her to stay there, but he felt her relax as he gently applied the soothing gel to her back. He couldn't help but smile at a soft sigh that slipped her lips, it was so unlike the soldier he knew. Yet both woman and soldier were one in the same, she just rarely let him see the other side of her, and so far he liked the view he was getting; in more ways than one.

"Wash, Alicia…" He tested the waters, he had known her fifteen years and spoken her first name only a handful of times; never when he was in a position like this. "We were trying to keep you safe, I didn't think how you would feel about it."

"S'okay." She didn't apologize for taking off and somehow he didn't expect her to.

"Would you let me stay with you, until the doc clears you?" He dropped all command from his voice, with her he could feel safe to do that and it was something he wanted her to understand.

"I've got a couch." Her reply was slightly muffled by the pillow but he smiled.

….

Taylor had thrown her for a loop, thrown propriety to the wind and not only spent the night but stayed into the morning. He had also called her by her first name, it only made her feel more confused as to what she was allowed to feel for him; what she currently felt towards him.

He was so gentle this morning, taking care of her back and getting her breakfast before dropping her off at the clinic. He had hardly given a single order until he told her she was spending the day at the infirmary seeing as she wouldn't go to the Command Center.

She hoped he missed the shudder that went through her when he said that, but somehow knew he hadn't; he'd just chosen to ignore it. Alicia hadn't argued, the infirmary wouldn't be so bad and Elisabeth was too busy to waste too much time on her.

Stepping into the clinic she saw a few glances tossed her way, some lingered but most didn't. A few came over to talk but she had little to say and was relieved when Elisabeth came out to get her. She didn't want to talk about the Phoenix Army, the occupation or what had happened; it didn't need to be common knowledge. Didn't know what to say to the other stuff.

"Come into the back, I've got a private room for you." The doctor gently took her by the arm.

"I'm not staying." She stiffened, Alicia was going home after she got checked out. She knew if she avoided it the doctor would hunt her down but she was not going to be cooped up here either.

"I know, we need to do some tests and the room is free."

She glanced around as she was lead into the back, the infirmary had cleared out in the past few days. It seemed that there were only a few serious injuries left from the occupation and some minor ones that had come in; accidents during the rebuilding. The doctor guided her into the small room and shut the door.

"You are moving much better. Any dizziness getting up or sitting down?" The doctor guided her back to the bio bed.

"Not much." Alicia replied quickly, she felt a wave of dizziness nearly every time she moved; but it was getting better. It was better than it had been.

The doctor made a soft sound and Alicia eased back to lay still before the scan came on. "If you feel any pain I need to know immediately."

She nodded and then the scan flicked on, Alicia felt as though a current ran through her again, but it was no where near what she had felt before. The doctor stared at her a moment, but she remained silent; the woman shook her head. Alicia remained still and listened as doctor spoke to herself and examined different images.

"Your back is healing well, it is going to take some time. I think we will continue using the gel, it is derived from the same plant I had you take before. I'm hoping we can minimize the scarring." The doctor moved to a new scan and was silent for a few moments. "That is going to take a little longer, nothing for it but time."

The myriad of tests continued, it wasn't painful but it was boring. The time allowed her to retreat into her mind, her memory was a sore point; she didn't like having holes in it. Some memories were clear, clearer than she would like and others flitted at the edge but she couldn't bring them into focus.

There were so many things she wanted to remember, wanted to know but was afraid to ask. Yet it felt like one more sign of weakness to ask the things she should know; maybe the doctor could help. "Things I can't remember. Will they come back?"

The scan shut off and the woman's hand rested on her shoulder. "Some may, some may not. I know you did a lot of things privately during the past few weeks but what we know we are happy to share. Let us help you remember, Alicia everyone here wants to help you; just give us a chance."

"Thanks." She replied softly, she didn't want to go there.

"Don't you shut down on me, I know the Commander is trying to sort out what happened to you. Telling us what you remember, we may be able to fill in the gaps." The doctor's hand rubbed her shoulder, not letting her up. "If you won't talk to me then talk to Commander Taylor, you have known him a long time and he cares about you."

Swallowing hard Alicia tried to sit up, she couldn't get into that. She had known Taylor a long time, known him when his child was a sweet boy and stood beside him in battle for years. There was no way she was going to tell him what that man had done. Then he would ask about the surrender, and she didn't understand why that part of her memory was vague; it should be clear.

The doctor was smart, on any other day Alicia would have her when it came to strength; today the woman placed herself in front of her and blocked her route. She didn't try and get past her as she had a feeling she would only embarrass herself.

"Listen to me." The woman cupped her chin when she looked at the floor; forcing her to meet the slighter woman's eyes. "You made sound decisions to protect the colony, you surrendered to protect the citizens of Terra Nova and you did that; right until the end. You put your life on the line for my family, and you did your best to support Taylor. I am so thankful you survived, everyone is. I don't think you realize just how much you would be missed."

"I'm a soldier, its not the first time I've thought it was the end." And it didn't get any easier, she had been close twice before; this was the only time she had faced it head on. It was different in the heat of battle, there was adrenaline, anger and pride. Walking into it head on, while it had been her only option had felt wrong.

"With what you've been through I don't doubt that but it will still have an effect on you." The woman's eyes were intense, honest, this wasn't another soldier celebrating that they had survived another round; she was trying to be a friend.

"It felt like I was giving up, I thought it was going to be over." And with that she felt like something inside her was breaking for the first time. "I thought about my own family, they've all gone."

Elisabeth didn't give her a chance to push it back and her cheek was pressed into the woman's shoulder arms around her. It was something she hadn't felt in a long time and it washed over her. It came back so easily, old memories and sayings from her father and grandparents. Things she hadn't given much thought to for years had flooded through her mind in those moments in the square.

The woman's hand stroked her head, her soft voice comforting. "You were incredibly brave, I would not have had that courage. And you are alive today, you are alive and you are not alone. You have a family here too."

Alicia felt her knees weaken and decided to sit before she fell, last thing she needed was another bruise. The woman sat beside her, and Alicia felt the woman's hand rubbing her arm. "Thank you."

"You don't get to say that, but I do want you to do something for me, actually two. One don't go home alone today, I am going to find someone to stay with you for the day; the other is talk to the Commander."

"I don't need a baby sitter."

"Good, then you can baby sit for me." The doctor helped her stand, and opened the door.

Elisabeth Shannon walked her home, stopping at the school to pick up Zoe. Ignoring her protests the woman gave her daughter a pass on school to spend time with Alicia. The little girl took her hand and grinned. Alicia was a little relieved to be back in her home, only now she had a five year old to entertain.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

He sat beside an ever growing stack of plexs, the most recent reports from the scout team were in. The Phoenix boys were not having an easy go of it and he wasn't sorry. This wasn't an easy place to live and it had taken them a long time to adapt, it gave them an advantage he planned to use in the near future.

For every thing they accomplished there was something else that needed doing, he hadn't had a chance to begin to plan for the future. Rebuilding the colony was a priority, yet the reality was they needed to prepare a plan for the future just as they had planned before arriving here. Nathaniel felt a pang as he thought about who had been instrumental in planning the first pilgrimage. Wash had a wide range of skills and was stubborn enough to get every detail she wanted.

When both Shannons arrived he hid a sigh, he knew what the one wanted; the other had spent the morning examining his Lieutenant. In truth he wanted to see neither, he doubted that either brought good news. Yet it wasn't his job to like the information he was given; he just had to deal with it.

"What have you got doc?" He knew what her husband wanted him to see, and while he should be curious he was more interested in Wash.

"Alicia came to see me this morning, we did some tests and she is making good progress. I am concerned how she is managing psychologically, the physical trauma is great but the more lasting damage may be what happens in her mind. I think she should talk to some one who knows more of her past." The woman kept glancing between him and her husband, he wasn't sure why.

"She'll talk when she's ready." And not before, Wash had dealt with emotions before; the war had left more than a road map of scars on their bodies.

The woman gave him a questioning look but nodded, brushing her husband's arm before leaving. Somehow that casual touch struck him, how often had he and Wash shared something similar. Usually the brush of her fingers against what ever new injury he was ignoring, his hand on her elbow to take her aside in a group; looks only they understood. Yet they shared little more, it was time and loss that had drawn them closer.

"Found something when I was scanning the security tapes for Wash, it's informative but hard to watch. I didn't finish it." The man handed him a plex, glancing at the time code he saw it was from more than a week ago. "Wash was busy, Elisabeth doesn't think she remembers any of it; said she might not regain it either."

"We never mentioned the weapons we found." He considered the plex, he was going to watch it; he just wondered what else they would find. "What did she do?"

"Set the camera's on a timer, soldiers shut them down but never verified that they stayed that way; looks like they came back up an hour after the surrender." Shannon tapped the screen and a number of views came up including the gates, perimeter and the Command Center. "A lot of it is rough but around that they talk shop; it could be useful."

The last was a camera he mostly ignored, it was only set to record if triggered, by the time stamp it had been triggered before the surrender. With a nod he jerked his head toward the door and the cop took leave. Nathaniel stared at the screen for a long moment before starting the first on the list.

Immediately he felt a wave of rage roll through him, a view of the very room he sat in came through the static. His blood went cold as the images rolled before him, each and every one setting a ball of fury deeper in his gut. Hour after hour of footage making him want a war, convincing him that battle would be the only way to end this.

Lucas had tortured Washington for over twenty hours, kicking her aside when the woman passed out from pain or shock and discussing business with the Phoenix army as if the woman slumped on the floor did not exist. He watched the first time his son stabbed the shocker into her flesh, her body danced in horrible jerking movement as the current passed through her body.

It was evening when Taylor finally put the plex down, he had seen enough to make him cold, cold to everything around him; furious with his thoughts only a few days ago. It was a small wonder the woman had survived that let alone the blast to the head. He almost hoped it had wiped some of her memory.

Standing slowly he remembered his request that morning, he swallowed hard. It had been something that Wash had even agreed to allow him to help her, now he struggled with what he knew. He could tell himself that it was war. It was a price but it didn't lessen the fact that he had fathered a child who could so callously torture a woman he had known all his life.

The walk to her place felt like years, letting himself in he found her on the couch, the table in front of her littered with pictures and art supplies. The child responsible no where in sight, but the woman was curled on the corner of the couch, her cheek resting on her arm. He had a feeling the doctor had come up with a way for Wash to feel useful.

Moving quietly he checked her empty fridge, glanced at her again and headed to the market to get meals for them both. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders in the fact he hadn't had to say a word.

Returning with the food he saw that Wash was awake, still and with her eyes closed but her body was tense and he knew she was tracking his movements. When he opened the containers and the delicious smell wafted out she gave up the pretense.

He noticed her movements were smoother as she got up, she wobbled just a little but regained her balance quickly. The dark bruising on her face was fading slowly and her eyes were clear. She sat across from him and thanked him for getting food; Nathaniel couldn't formulate a response.

…

The man was silent for the evening, his brooding glare set on her as his eyes raked over her time and time again. Gone was the man who tended her gently that morning, the Commander was set firmly behind a mask. When he ordered her to eat more in a cold tone and argued as she reassured him she'd had enough she glared back and pushed away from the table.

Moving to her room as quickly as her body would allow she shut the door and dropped onto the bed, a jolt of pain shooting through her. Alicia was unable to silence a whimper and even as it left her lips her bedroom door flew open.

His hands on her body, she struggled viciously. Suddenly angry at him, and at herself. Following him around like a loyal dog year after year, letting him poke into her life without getting anything in return. He could be as gentle and sweet with her one moment as he could miserable the next. He would be a friend, then pull back to be the CO giving orders because he could; or because something got uncomfortable.

Tonight she couldn't deal with it, she wanted to relax and feel normal; she was only starting to. Except now her body ached with pain as she jerked around to avoid him getting a grip on her. When his hand brushed her breast he froze, Alicia took it as her chance to get free and jolted; taking out his knee. She screamed as his hand landed in the center of her back.

"Wash…" He moved immediately, but she lay still; tears streaming down her face.

"Get out." Alicia tried to shift, her body alive with white hot agony; she was hardly able to move. "Just get out of my life."

…..

It was worse than being knifed, shot or burned; Nathaniel Taylor had no previous experience to compare what hearing her say those words meant. Numbly he went to find Doctor Shannon, trying to process what had just happened. Washington wasn't a woman prone to out bursts, she didn't say or do things she didn't mean, for those words to come out of her mouth she had been thinking about it a while.

Part of him probably deserved it, he just never thought she would do it. She'd been on his unit for fifteen years, she was the reason the men of their unit survived. He didn't have any fantasies on that, if they'd had any other medic most would have bled out in that wasteland at one time or another; himself included.

It had been a war, it had been hard and made harder with the psychological warfare their enemy loved, using it rather than soldiers because on that front they were beat. Wash had survived that by a thread, and while he had lost his wife there he'd still had her; he couldn't deny having a good friend had eased his pain a little.

After that they had been off nearly a year before they were sent over seas again to deal with a new terror threat. He had been called back early to be briefed on the Terra Nova project. When they told him to pick his command structure Nathaniel hadn't hesitated. If he was going eighty five million years into the past then he was taking one of the most decorated lieutenants the military had, and the best combat medic with him; he didn't want to do it without her.

Nearly eight years later they were here, she had nearly died because of him; she had every right to what she felt. He just didn't want it to go that way, he wanted it all to be different in this place; he wanted something between them. Hovering outside her bedroom door he listened as the doctor tended her, speaking in a calm reassuring tone; Wash not replying.

….

"Take it easy Alicia, I need to see your back." The doctor's voice was gentle and her hands quick; she could already feel the cool of the medicated gel. "Do you want to tell me what is going on?"

"He's playing with me again, just because he can." She growled, she really didn't want to talk about it but she did want to be alone; answering the questions would make it happen faster. "He wants to be my friend one minute and my CO the next, at work fine; he has rank. Not in my home."

"I don't think he means to play with you." The doctor kept her tone soothing, a gentle hand still rubbing her back; the gel was helping.

A pleasant numbness was pressing deeper into her body; it felt so much better. That and the fact Elisabeth was here, not Taylor helped. The woman sat next to her, listening. Alicia felt better to shift, trying to sit. The hand that rested on her back this time was gentle; encouraging her to stay put.

"I'll take orders, I don't have a problem with rank, but not at home; not about how much I eat." Alicia propped herself up on her elbows, she didn't like laying prone.

"He doesn't realize how he sounds, or how you feel. Alicia he showed up at my door looking like someone kicked his puppy. He wants to help you, and he is struggling with a lot of guilt, over what he thought and the fact his son was involved." The woman reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes, a week ago she would have jerked away; anymore she didn't. "He was also afraid of what happened to you tonight, he heard you cry and saw you fall, he tried to turn you on your side, I think you were angry and struggled, he didn't realize that right away."

It was strange but she trusted Elisabeth Shannon's opinion, the woman was only a few years older than her but had lived a very different life. Five years older the woman had been having her second child while Alicia was joining Taylor's unit. The woman had been married a long time, and somehow had survived a different life, her husband had been in prison for having their third child.

"Alicia he doesn't know what you feel for him, I don't think he knows what he feels for you either. That man values tradition, you know the moral code he lives by; he expects his men to live by. You've lived by it, do you think it easy for him to see you as a woman?" Intent brown eyes studied her.

"No, he doesn't." She sighed, no he saw her as a soldier; and that was what she was.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve someone to share your life and have a family. Alicia you have to make the choices, if you want to wait for him it is your choice but if this is what happens then you need to consider your own happiness."

"I just want my life back." Alicia slumped on the bed.

"Why don't I send Zoe over tomorrow? It will give you a reason to be home and left alone." The woman rose, giving her a warm smile; Alicia felt a little guilty. The little girl was precious and didn't seem to understand or care about anything else going on.

"That would be nice." She wasn't exactly skilled at occupying a five year old but Zoe was a lot more manageable than anyone else.

The woman left and Alicia didn't care that it was early, shifting onto her side she curled up to sleep. Tonight she just wanted to escape it, somehow she needed to take her life back. While she couldn't imagine anything other than the military she wasn't ready to deal with another war; with the Phoenix or with Taylor.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

He stood silently in the doorway, waiting to see how long it would take her to realize he was there. He had always been aware of how young she was, watching her sleep though she looked much younger. To young for him, to young for him to have any business with. Yet he had heard the conversation she'd had with the doctor and she was right on one thing; he felt something for her he had denied a long time.

It didn't change what he felt, what he had heard her say, Nathaniel didn't want her to feel as she did now. He knew that Wash felt physical pain as strongly as she felt emotional; he couldn't blame her. He couldn't add to that, but was taking a chance to little to late?

She was awake he realized, her body was tense now; waiting. He wondered if she knew it was him, or if she was waiting for an intruder's next move. He wondered if she thought this was another game. Nathaniel crossed to the bed and eased down to sit beside her, in the darkness he saw her watching him; he could almost feel the walls she had put up.

Reaching out he did something he knew she wouldn't usually allow, sliding his hand into her long hair; letting it run through his fingers. Tracing it back to her scalp he thought of another time he had touched her hair, only then it had been matted with blood. Letting his fingers search he felt for the fine scar, his first attempt at stitches under her direction.

When his fingers ghosted over it he leaned down and pressed his lips to her hair. She was tense as though she wanted pull away but stayed still, he trailed his lips over, pressing to her cheek. Finally she jerked, turning her face away. He let her go, careful not to touch her, just sitting close.

"I asked the doctor for a report on your injuries, on what Lucas did to you. I read it today, I spent the day investigating the occupation. It doesn't excuse what I said or what I did. You've lost weight, even since you've begun to recover." He broke off, he wasn't sure he could tell her about what Shannon had uncovered, he had seen it and it was very tempting to erase it forever. "You've always been there, you've always been strong; you are my right hand. And my son, he did more harm in what he did to you and he knew it."

"Wash I need a chance. Give me a chance to see you for who you are." He saw her shift ever so slightly, she was listening. "You've been there since the start, you were there at the worst. I don't want to be out of your life."

"I can't fix everything in a day, I can't undo what I've done." He swallowed hard as she shifted onto her side, propping her head up on one hand. "I can't undo what has been done to you. I am sorry."

Her eyes were still wary, he reached out to touch her cheek; brushing his thumb along her jaw. He leaned down, watching her carefully to press his lips to hers. Alicia hesitated before pressing back, she was so soft and warm; she sighed softly against him. It was physical, touch; it was something they both understood.

Sliding a hand into her hair he held her to him, Nathaniel hadn't held a woman in over a decade but he wanted to hold her. Alicia was shifting under him, kissing him back, she might not be happy with him but her body did respond as she curled closer to him; as if to pull his weight down onto her.

Slowly lifting away from her, he stared down a moment; Alicia almost looked sad at the loss of his touch. Gently he brought his hand back to her face, needing that connection. She finally smiled at him, her hand touched his arm. He leaned down to taste her again, he wanted to take a chance with her.

He had held one woman and that had been his wife, he had married her and remained faithful years after her death. Nathaniel had thought it would feel wrong to hold another and maybe if it was any other woman it would. But Alicia knew that, and knew him, there was a chance far more than that between them.

Maybe once he had noticed, actually he knew he had noticed; but he had put it out of his mind. Alicia was beautiful and strong, her body was powerful and lithe; a warrior woman. He ran his fingers slowly through her hair, watching as a gentle touch soothed her.

The problem wasn't fixed, she didn't trust him but that was going to take a great deal of time. He would do his best to earn it, and to see the woman beneath the uniform. When her breathing had settled he rose, leaving her for the night.

Nathaniel stretched out on the couch to stare at the ceiling, he was willing to admit what he felt. But the moment his eyes closed he saw that recording. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his son kicking that woman aside, groping her and hurling disgusting insults. She had baby sat him when he was a boy, he remembered his son waiting eagerly at the door for her to take him out and returning to tell them about the outing with pure joy.

As her memory returned would she really love the man that fathered her torturer? The man whose son meant to execute her? He feared he would only hurt her more. She could do better than a man past his fiftieth birthday who had lived the military his entire life. Yet he remembered little Zoe Shannon's question, Wash certainly deserved a family; she wanted someone. And what she had told the doctor.

Morning came early, and he rose before dawn broke. He needed to tend colony business today but he did not want to ask her to come with him. Not with what he knew now.

He checked that she was still in her bed before slipping out to the market. Nathaniel knew he needed a plan, if he hovered she would get restless but if he pulled away she would feel he was toying with her. That he understood, but he wasn't willing to let her go or address her demand of leaving the military; he had a feeling she understood that too.

Moving quickly through the market he picked up fresh fruit, nuts and vegetables. Stopping to get fresh fish he found Shannon and Zoe getting some breakfast. With a basket on his arm he stopped the man. "Can you get the stack of plexs from the Command Center?"

The man nodded. "You spending the day at Wash's? She is watching Zoe today."

"Well Zoe, would you like to help me get Washington's groceries?" He asked the little girl who nodded eagerly.

"Did you get berries? Berries are good." The little girl joined him without a concern of where her father was going.

He chatted with the girl as they walked back to Wash's unit. Shannon must have got the girl up early, he set her up on the couch with a back pack of art supplies she had brought from home. Nathaniel went to find Wash, he knocked softly on her bedroom door.

Wash opened the door, she wore a t-shirt and cargo pants but her hair still fell around her shoulders. "Do you need me to apply the gel to your back?"

"It doesn't hurt." Her tone was calm but her expression revealed her hesitation.

Taking a step forward he closed the door, he knew he had to be cautious. Gently he reached out to trace his fingers along her jaw, watching her for any sign of fear before leaning down to kiss her. He felt her hand shift to his chest, she was a few inches shorter but he enjoyed the feeling of her leaning up to him. Reassuring her last night had been real; sadly all of it had been.

"Then we'll do it in a little bit." His hand shifted to her side, guiding her out of the room.

She was still moving a little slower than usual but she was steady on her feet. He saw both woman and child smile as they noticed each other. Wash went to join Zoe at the coffee table, he brought her a glass of juice and some breakfast; she did little more than poke at it. But this time he held his tongue.

Shannon dropped off the plexs and went to oversee the final construction projects. With no pilgrimages coming he had ordered only partially built units to be finished; and the seriously damaged units cleared away. They would need new units in time as young couples would marry and families would expand. For now they could redirect their resources to reinforcing the colony defenses.

He settled on the far end of the couch, Wash and Zoe were on the other end. Zoe was on the floor in front of the coffee table working on a picture. He focused on the reports from the units he had dispatched a few days before.

The supply pull was doing well, abandoning their out posts wouldn't be efficient for long; but it would be safest. If this wasn't resolved in six months they would have to re-evaluate, rotating teams could be sent out with a military escorts.

Turning to the scout reports Nathaniel found himself having a hard time focusing; his eyes were drawn to Washington resting an elbow on her knee as she played with Zoe. The woman was fierce as a soldier but with her hair falling around her shoulders and a smile lighting face she was entirely different. Glancing between the report in front of him and Alicia he got caught watching her.

Brown eyes darkened as he held her gaze, when Zoe said her name she looked away quickly. Zoe drew Alicia into a conversation about castles of all things and he tried to focus on the report that the Sixers weren't faring well with the army.

He should know the details but he was noticing Washington shifting in her seat, Zoe noticed it as well. "Castles don't exist Lieutenant Washington, not anymore. Maddie says this is the new front so…."

"The castles are very cool Zoe, I'm just going to get up for a minute." Wash assured the little girl that the castle discussion hadn't bothered her.

She used the couch to get up, Nathaniel set down the plex and moved to her side. "Zoe can you play for a few moments?"

The little girl nodded, he rested a hand on her side and guided her towards the bedroom. He had left it too long, this was two days in a row when the schedule was off and she ended up in pain. "Stretch out Wash."

She obeyed and eased her top up over her shoulders, her back was still bruised and healing skin was rough. Gently he began at her waist and applied the gel in careful circles; she made a soft sound. Nathaniel felt her relaxing just a little.

"So how interesting are castles?" He knelt on the bed beside her, letting his hip rest against her side, reminding himself to ask questions; not give orders.

"We could use a few of their methods, I think Maddie is trying to read everything about history; Zoe is just taking the things that are interesting to her." Her words were muffled by the pillow.

"You two will have to fill me in." He felt her jump as his fingers grazed a healing wound, she was allowing him to see her vulnerable. It was seeing the damage that had been done to her that made him itch for a fight; as soon as the time was right he wanted to confront Lucas.

Finished he gently pulled the shirt back down, Wash immediately rolled to her side. She mumbled a quiet thanks, not meeting his eyes. Nathaniel wondered if he was actually making any ground with her. As she stood he stayed in her way, forcing her to stand close to him; finally she looked at him.

He wanted something from her, wanted a snippy remark, something familiar. Yet as brown eyes held his he saw something else, a softness he knew she would let very few people see. Everything that had happened was hard for all of them but it was permanently altering her life. Nathaniel questioned if it was really fair to hope she would be who she had been before.

He knew Zoe was sitting on the couch waiting for them, and that the little girl was enjoying her day with Washington. She waited, he leaned down, searching her eyes before he kissed her; knowing they really needed to talk. But he wasn't sure she was ready to talk, this she didn't protest.

Nathaniel cupped her face, feeling her press close to him. It reassured him, she needed time and they would have to go slow but she was willing. It would change things, but then everything had been changed already.

"Wash." He whispered softly, holding his face only a breath from hers. "Alicia."

Her eyes lit at her first name, he had known it for years but used it only a handful of times. He had shortened her last one and always used it but that didn't mean she shouldn't hear her first. Her chin tipped up and they were joined again for a moment.

Without a word they parted and returned to the living room, she settled back with Zoe and he quickly finished the scout report; sending out a request for another update in six hours unless the situation changed. The com center could handle the sit reps but a full report gave him a clear picture of what was going on out there.

When he switched to the proposed construction plan he glanced up to find Zoe settled in Alicia's lap. They were curled up with a plex and with her dark hair falling free and Zoe snuggled against her chest they looked like mother and daughter; Alicia looked happy.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

It became routine, Zoe was dropped off at her door shortly after dawn, and the child had missed nearly two weeks of school. While Alicia carefully limited her excursions out of the house she knew the colony was recovering, the school was certainly running. Yet she didn't quite have the courage to tell Elisabeth to take her daughter to school; it was comforting to spend time with Zoe.

The five year old was the only person who didn't look at her with a mix of sadness and concern; or the ranges of fear she had seen on some other faces. Elisabeth always looked at her with concern, checking her back, neck and skull almost daily. When the woman thought she wasn't watching that look would shift to some kind of guilt. Taylor alternated between worry and masking his face in something unread able.

She was alive and steadily improving; she needed to focus on that. Getting her strength back was one thing she could do, that and plan. Zoe Shannon was just as bright as her big sister and listening to the little girl was putting ideas in Alicia's head. Part of her wanted to be done with the military, in honesty she didn't know how she could face the security team again, but years of training were hard to break.

The past was a good place to be looking when they were trying to start over, from a defensive point of view there were a lot to learn from those times. Zoe was caught up in the size of the huge stone buildings, the idea of candles for light and fire for heat; it was foreign to the little girl. It would be for many, but on missions she had lived with such basics and it was the direction the colony was going to need to adapt to.

Old castles had a set up somewhat similar to the colony, but one difference was a second low wall. Tactically it would be an advantage, currently it would be labor intensive to erect and the work would put colonists at risk. Alicia didn't know if she would ever stop looking at things from a tactical perspective; it had been drilled into her for so long.

When the little girl went home Alicia closed the door and stepped back into Taylor, she was ready to step away but his hands came to her hips; holding her to him. This confused her, they hadn't talked about it as they sounded it out. As they proved to each other that one body responded to the other. He was careful, she could feel the boundary he toed; the values he held for himself and encouraged his men to follow.

As he drew her back to the couch Alicia felt torn, years ago she would have been thrilled by this, and now she couldn't wonder if it wasn't out of pity. His touch felt good, and she knew he was being careful with her, had been since she had tried to throw him out days before. All that had accomplished was to encourage him to push back, in true form he was winning against her will.

He drew her into his lap, her shoulder against his chest; their faces close. Bright blue eyes were darker than usual and less guarded. One hand slid through her hair the other rested on her hip; her own moved awkwardly in her lap. She couldn't help but smile when his thumb came to rest on a scar in her hair line; he had stitched it years ago.

"We've shared a lot of memories Alicia, some good but a lot of bad." His tone was gentle, his use of her name was strange after so many years of never hearing it. "That's the life we took."

"I'm tired of war." She admitted, since the day she had signed up she had taken the path into the heart of the battle; Terra Nova was meant to be the escape. Life would be a fight, but it would be for survival against predators; not war with man.

"Then help me win this one." His thumb fit against her chin, his knuckles resting underneath so she met his eyes. She wondered what her expression showed, if her surprise at that showed. "I have never known you to back down, and I can't imagine you doing anything else."

She frowned, he might be right and clearly he had been paying more attention than she had noticed. His thumb was rubbing that scar lightly, she leaned into his hand a little more. Yet remaining in the military meant more blood, evil and death. It meant facing the units and working in the Command Center; that made her feel a little sick.

"Alicia, I know you will need time. We have the time, but right now we have an opportunity. We don't have superiors and we do have a second chance here, one I should have seen a long time ago. Right now we have no 2149 to worry about; only our future. Let's win this war and build our own future." He leaned closer as he spoke and she shivered as his breath ghosted over her throat.

"Do we have a future?" She wanted his answer, to know if this would be a distraction for him or if it was going to mean something.

"Yes Alicia, but you are going to have to give me time. I don't want to hurt you. My orders are habit, I know you won't let me control you and I don't want to; but it will drive a wedge between us."

As she shifted on his lap to face him Alicia saw a shadow in his eyes as there was space between them. His hands didn't leave her and as she settled his gaze asked her questions. "I know rank and file, I know you. I've always followed orders but in my personal life I won't."

"I've always known when you disagreed. I never wanted to see you break." It was in that agreement they began something she had wondered about for years. She knew it would be a great deal of time before it became physical, but the emotional part had already begun; the commitment to it made her heart soar.

…

This week had been good, Alicia was opening up to him and slowly she was trusting him. She was smiling, something he had hardly seen and it was a lighter side of her that he knew was carefully guarded. Nathaniel had enjoyed seeing that, sharing meals between the two of them and holding her; she fit so well in his arms. He was working hard to watch his words and actions.

It was something he would not admit to any one else, but knowing her was more important to him than having more. Too often those moments were missed today. He looked forward to certain things, and while those intimate moments would mean a lot to him so did the small moments together that they shared.

It was seeing her smile when Zoe pulled her into drawing pictures and her inability to leave his plexs alone when the little girl had gone home; her mind was wired for organizing colony business. He didn't touch her decision to leave the military, he was trying hard to respect her choice. But having her sit beside him as he scanned reports and footage from the scout team he saw her insights he didn't have.

Right now she napped with her cheek on his chest, she and Zoe had spent the afternoon in the eye. He had used the time to inspect the colony repairs and assess their supplies. He could accomplish plenty with the plexs but it was good to get around to see it all.

He had got back to find her curled up on the couch, he had met Elisabeth in the market place with Zoe, and the doctor had updated him on Alicia's progress. It was good, and it was better that she had asked if she could start basic stretching and simple work outs. She wanted to work out and he knew that was a source of comfort to her. Though she was the only one; her work outs were dreaded by the security team. He had advised that the doctor clarify the word light.

She had stirred when he arrived and he had shifted her frame to allow him to join her; she settled right back down. He picked up the plex laying on the table and tapped it on, immediately recognizing her short hand; the subject however was interesting. Apparently Zoe had sparked Alicia's interest in history; the more he read the more relevance he saw.

When his com beeped he fumbled for it, Alicia stirred and he winced; he hadn't wanted to wake her. But she sat up and he accessed the com easily, that would teach him to keep it in his pocket. Taylor replied and growled as he was required at the Command Center urgently; the scout team had an issue.

He ordered Reilly to get to Wash's unit as he left, ignoring her protests. The corporal had just confirmed her arrival when he stepped into the Command Center. Connecting to the feed he saw a stressed looking soldier.

"The Sixers aren't fairing well out here. Doesn't look like they are making progress in their new portal. Soldiers are getting antsy, I think we could see action soon." Guzman reported, then looked nearly guilty. "We could use a sniper out here sir; get a better view."

"Are you coming under fire?" Nathaniel frowned, he didn't want to engage them yet; only observe.

"No sir. They don't know we're out here, the Sixers are stepping on toes. Army isn't supplying themselves all that well."

"Are the Sixers in danger?" The man was being evasive, and he didn't like it.

"They could be, kids are mouths to feed. With out the portal no one is happy."

Nathaniel sighed. "I'll get some support out to you. Do not engage unless you have to."

The man signed off and he turned to his roster, they had a few snipers in early training but it was a program they hadn't invested in nearly as much as they should have. They had a skilled and recognized sniper, but he couldn't use her; especially not with what she had told him.

He began to compile a unit, he didn't like to think this would be drawn out but the reality was it could be. The Phoenix Army may not have planned to stay and their survival training might not be adequate but the soldiers were military; they would hold out. And as long as they had hope of getting home they would fight.

His com crackled to life. "Commander Taylor come in."

"Go ahead." Nathaniel was already on his feet, it was Reilly's voice and he had left her with Alicia.

"There was an accident, Doctor Shannon is here now."

He was down the stairs in a hurry, he wondered if she had over done a work out already. She had been resting when he left. Stepping into the unit he moved quickly through, the living room was clear; he found them in the bed room.

"Sir…" Reilly saw him and looked embarrassed. "She went to the washroom, then I heard a crash and she was on the floor."

He nodded, looking at the woman who looked miserable as a doctor worked on her brow. "Dismissed Corporal, I'll stay with her."

The soldier looked torn but followed the order, he didn't blame her for hesitating. When he heard the front door shut he moved closer, he knew Elisabeth Shannon was Alicia's confidant; he had realized the woman already knew about what they were trying for. Alicia hadn't been in a good state the first few days and he knew the drugs had loosened her tongue to the woman she trusted. The doctor was a good friend for her to have.

When he heard the front door shut he caught the doctor's eye. "Her memory is returning."

"Yes, the scan shows great progress, she needs support more than ever now."

"She is right here and can here you both just fine." Alicia did not sound impressed, but he smiled; she sounded like herself.

"Want to tell me what you remember?" The doctor continued to fuss with the scanner while he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

She looked hesitant, the doctor dabbed the cut on her brow; he noted that she didn't wince. "It's in pieces."

"We can work with that." He reassured her, thanks to her they had security footage for the entire occupation and people crawling out of the woodwork wanting to know if she was alright added details.

"The roof, it's a stash point; like the bed." Alicia pointed out the night he had found her sleeping under her bed, an old trick that had saved more than one life. "I don't know what I put there."

"Weapons and ammo." Nathaniel supplied, it was good that she remembered that much; the fact he had already cleared it out didn't help.

She stared blankly at him for a few moments, so he explained how they had found her home trashed and fixed it up; stumbling over her stash in the process. The doctor finished working on her but stayed, between the two of them they filled Alicia in on what they knew. He wanted to know if there was anything else she had done, something they hadn't stumbled onto yet but he thought better of asking.

There was enough for her to process already, when the doctor urged her to rest he went to the living room to wait. Elisabeth Shannon took her sweet time leaving Wash to rest; he didn't stay close enough to here what was said. He had a different discussion to have with the doctor.

"It's been three weeks, why aren't those bruises gone?" He demanded, an edge in his tone that he couldn't help.

"It is going to take time, and she gave herself a few new ones today. The bruising from a sonic doesn't heal the way sharp or blunt force does. And before you ask her back will take months, it does not only have to scar but she has to regain her strength. You can't hope for her to be one hundred percent in a month." The doctor lectured, anticipating his questions.

"The scars?"

"Will remain, if our supplies hadn't been compromised I could have reknit the muscle and flesh; minimizing scarring. Given the infection and number of wounds we are truly lucky to have her here. Her body is a roadmap of scars and abuse." The doctor sounded sad, he couldn't help but wonder how long it would take the Shannon family to understand how Wash would feel about the past; about her duty.

"When we got hurt we had Wash, and most of us, myself included are alive because of that. When Wash got hurt she only had what she could tell us to do. She's a damn good medic, it put a target on her back. Enemy didn't like how many times they had to shoot at us to get one, didn't like seeing us get back up either; but Wash wouldn't give up." The memories that came to mind spanned more than a decade, from the time she was barely more than a kid to less than a year ago; Alicia Washington wasn't the kind to give up.

"She's been through a lot."

"You don't know the half of it." He couldn't smile at that, the woman's expression encouraged him to divulge a little. "My unit was her first post, we didn't make it easy for her but we learned pretty quick that we needed her. If something needs to be found Wash can do it, need a long range shot; Wash can do it. Knows how to swim too. She took a shot for me too her shoulder; would have been a kill shot on me. She'll deny it till her last breath but I know she saw it coming, I know she had a line on that sniper, she took him out even after he put a bullet in her."

"We lost her that night, she stayed behind to give us cover; they took her as a prisoner. She survived that, she survives everything thrown at her. And the military hands her medals as though they make up the number of times she's been shot, stabbed or nearly killed. Made her one of the most decorated soldiers in the military, made it a war to be allowed to bring her here. Nothing will get back the pieces of her those wars took, nothing will get back what my son took from her either. She lost too much." How easily the words came, the memories; when had he lost sight of them.

"What Alicia wants might surprise you, I can't speak to what she has lost in waiting for it." The doctor replied cryptically, and with a smile turned for the door.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Slipping a plex into her pocket she followed the Commander out that morning, he headed for the Command Center while she circled the market to the pick up Zoe Shannon. She knocked on the door and Josh opened it, nodding for her to come in; this was still strange to her.

Zoe sat at the table with her mother, Elisabeth smiled at her. "I just want Zoe to eat some breakfast, then you can take her."

"No problem." Alicia leaned against the wall, the little girl didn't take long to finish; Zoe was enjoying their project.

It was just a hunch, one she wasn't sure she could prove but she did know how to research it. And she was careful with the settings, not to call up anything too detailed; she was going to have to log a few hours on her own soon. Then turn it over to Taylor.

Zoe finished her food and bounced over, looking pleased with herself. "I don't have to go to school all week. We can keep working."

Alicia looked up at the child's parents, she knew they both valued the girl's education and when they first got here getting Zoe to school had been a challenge. Shannon smirked and turned to his older daughter; Elisabeth came over.

"She loves the time she spends with you, and she isn't missing much at school; Maddie is working with her." The doctor rested a hand on her daughter's shoulder; the other reaching out to check the bruise that bloomed above her brow.

"We'll be done the end of this week." Alicia promised, they didn't have much more to do, and as much as she hated to loose her company during the day; the girl needed to be in school.

"We don't have to be. I'm learning lots." Zoe looked up at both of them, and they both smiled back at her.

Alicia took the child's hand and they walked to the eye, looking up at the Command Center she shivered just a little. She couldn't help but feel a little sick when she got close to it, there wasn't any good reason for it, and it wasn't the place but what had happened there. They stepped through the door and into the cool halls leading to the eye.

Alicia entered her access code, knowing that it was likely Taylor's orders that no one else was using it; she had been in here for a few hours nearly every day for over a week. The eye was usually not that easy to get time in. Though most of the colony was still busy with the rebuild, and less interested in the history they all hoped to be permanently cut off from.

Sitting in the scoop chair Zoe snuggled into her side as Alicia adjusted the settings, ensuring nothing the girl shouldn't see would come up. Then handed her plex to Zoe, the child pulled up the hologram of the ship prow still sitting in their research facility. Alicia had learned of it last week when Taylor had been lamenting the science department's lack of progress; she had plenty of time.

They were slowly working their way through history searching for more information on the prow and the portal. A bit of time had also been spent on castles, roller coasters and cute fuzzy animals as Zoe really wanted a pet. Alicia had privately decided the next time she went OTG she would try and find one of those small herbivores that were always around and bring it back for Zoe.

Lots of kids would probably want pets as time went on, she knew that the species she was thinking of would be safe; she would run it by the Commander before she told the girl. No sense in making a promise she couldn't keep.

Today they were focused on the prow, calling up a previous search they started sifting though again. Alicia called up a back ground search to run on silent, seeking a little more information on a few wonders of the earth they had left behind.

"That's it!" Zoe exclaimed excitedly, pulling Alicia from the side screen; the girl was right. They had found the ship.

Taking the plex back from the girl Alicia called up the info on screen, pulling up the detailed account on the plex. Some of it she didn't want the child to know. The screen explained how the ship had sunk in the middle of a magnetic field; only part of it ever recovered.

Her plex told a different story. The Royale Merchant had been a ship that had gone down over three hundred years ago. And it was true that only part of it had been recovered, no one could explain what had happened to the other half of the ship; it remained a mystery to this day. What was interesting was it had gone down not far off the coast of the United States, in a magnetic field that had shifted.

Reading the coordinates something dawned on her, the magnetic field ran the same latitude as Hope Plaza; it had been an investigation of magnetic fields that led to the discovery of the time fracture. That was interesting, she looked up when Zoe poked her side.

"It was blowing up. Like Daddy blew up Hope Plaza." Zoe told her, pointing to the picture on the screen.

A sketch out of some history book depicted the Royale Merchant exploding; a pirate vessel in the next picture. "Yeah, it is."

And she bit her lip, this changed things. She needed to ask a few questions, and annoy Malcolm. She sifted through some more reports and downloaded the information to her plex. Explosives weren't really her thing but she knew a little bit about them; learned a little more by being tossed by more than one. Explosions, heat and air pressure changes had affects on both the people and things in their vicinity and the environment. It could have affected the portal, causing it to move or change.

"Zoe, let's go visit Maddie at the lab." She felt a tingle of excitement, maybe they had something.

The little girl took her hand and they walked out and up to the market. Feeling eyes on her back she glanced up, Taylor was watching her path from the Command Center; she hoped he would agree with what she was doing.

Zoe was eager, pulling at her hand and having a child tugging her through the market made people smile at them; it was the first time some had since all this happened. They stepped into the lab and nearly bumped into Maddie.

"Zoe, don't pull her." The young woman scolded her little sister.

"We got something good." Zoe said excitedly, looking up at her to explain.

"No harm done Maddie, I'm not made of glass." Though she had added a few new bruises to her face, someday she was not going to be a mess. "Is Malcolm in?"

The girl pointed them to the back and Alicia brought Zoe with her, she was going to have to watch that the conversation didn't become too detailed.

"Lieutenant, should you be up?" Malcolm looked terrified of her, gesturing that she take his chair.

"I've been on my feet for over two weeks." She had just been avoiding people, she held out her plex. "Can you pull this up?"

He hurried to do as she asked, Zoe took the chair and spun herself around, and Alicia smiled and gave the chair a little push. Zoe grinned and spun around, keeping the child occupied as Malcolm read the data; his expression changing.

Alicia was trying to piece together how to prove this, but science was her least favorite subject along with math; both would probably be necessary to sort this out. "You're still doing tests on that ship right? Can you confirm that it came through the same portal we did? The molecular marker or whatever."

"Yes, we have done that; it came through the same portal we did. Which means it came through the same time fracture at Hope Plaza; we just haven't figured out the how. You found the ship, we hadn't got that far." Malcolm spoke as he read, not giving her his full attention.

"Look at the coordinates, could an explosion effect the portal. An increase in air pressure or heat? When we brought supplies through some took a lot longer but they were no where near the size of a ship. We had to check dimensions after some of the rebar didn't pass." She referred to the supplies that came through a few weeks before the second pilgrimage; they'd had more than a few issues.

"Yes, yes it could; it could explain something. We were never able to bring anything that big through." Malcolm moved to another screen and began to enter information.

He began to lecture about how an explosion effected the physical environment, Zoe tugged her pocket and gave her a pained look. The man was getting more excited as he spoke but she wanted to zone out, she tried to occupy the child by giving the chair a spin.

A noise behind her made Alicia turn, the door had shut with barely a sound, Taylor leaned against the wall scanning everything on the screen. He met her eyes, she felt him look her up and down; then looked to the child. The little girl meant he had to speak politely to Malcolm, something that was sometimes difficult; Alicia crouched and asked Zoe to go find her sister.

Malcolm was oblivious as the child took off and Taylor came up to stand beside her. He had pulled about five different programs up and had all running. Still babbling about something or other; Alicia couldn't follow.

"In plain language Malcolm." Taylor got sick of listening to him.

The man startled, so focused on the screens he hadn't noticed the Commander arrive. "I think this explains why we can't find the fracture; something has shifted."

"Meaning?" She heard the warning in his voice, Alicia recognized when his patience was wearing thin.

"I may know why we can't find it." Malcolm looked thrilled, Alicia tried not to roll her eyes.

"Did it move again?"

"No, the lieutenant had it right. It is the explosion causing molecular changes. I can't say definitively but I should be able to by the end of the week." The man was struggling to give them his attention; she could practically see him itching to get back to his computer equipment.

"A guess then." Taylor practically growled.

"It's gone, just like everything it is a resource, when wasted or destroyed it cannot be replaced. I need to use the research balloons and data we have accumulated; give me to the end of the week."

She could nearly feel the excitement rolling off the man next to her. "If it is closed here, can it be reopened in the future?"

"Not if the fracture on our end closed; it wouldn't open into this time stream. They may be able to find another one, but it wouldn't come here unless our end reopened. Give me time, I can get a definitive answer. I need to check all our balloons, if this is right I have a record of when it existed and data that will confirm it is closed; I can check for any others."

"I thought you had a team working on this, were you aware of the information Wash brought forward?"

"We have been focusing on other issues." Malcolm finally gave them his attention again.

"This has a bearing on our future Malcolm. I want an answer by Friday; and my Lieutenant doesn't need to do your job for you." Taylor's hand shifted to rest on her back, it felt possessive and a month ago it wouldn't have happened but a month ago had she found this she wouldn't have let Taylor commandeer the conversation either.

Everything she knew had changed, she was changed and not for the better; it was little things like this that shook her. Moments when she knew how she should react and yet someone was already there to deal with it; he was already there.

Quietly she collected Zoe and took the little girl home, feeling completely out of place and yet caged in all at the same time. She wasn't used to this, her life wasn't like this; it never had been. Alicia knew how to follow orders, and liked order in her life; yet she knew how to give them too.

Anymore she couldn't find any order, any normalcy and it felt like a hand tightening around her throat. When she opened the door to her unit she wanted to cry, she remembered coming back here and finding comfort; she felt none of that now. It was another place that she couldn't measure up, it held pieces of her that felt scattered.

She turned for her room and passed a door that had stayed shut since she came back, it used to be a room she entered nearly every morning; half an hour before dawn patrol. Alicia stepped into the room and let the door fall shut behind her, staring at equipment that was so familiar and yet felt so foreign.

Alicia didn't need a fight to tell her that her body was softening, surviving daily tasks was a fight. She had been cleared for light workouts and yet she hadn't really started; not the way she needed to. Numbly she reached for a pair of weights, her body screamed in protest; Alicia switched for a lighter set.

She ended up using a set that was only half what she had been lifting but worked her body hard. Pushing through as her muscles screamed at the work after so much down time, savoring the aches that developed and gritting her teeth at the pain exploding in her back. This was familiar, this was comfort and it was her normal.

Alicia was exhausted and tired after only a few sets but it was welcome and she would do it again in the morning. She needed her life back, Taylor had said nothing more about her desire to leave the military so it was time to prove that she was in this beaten down body and she was able to make her choices. It didn't mean she was going to change who she was, just let some of the qualities the military didn't deem useful out to play.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

By the time he was through with Malcolm Wallace he'd redirected the science team's efforts to the portal with emphasis on the timeline. Anything they could learn about it would be useful in destroying the Phoenix army. If the aftermath of the explosion had truly sealed the portal he didn't want to engage their enemy. He'd let them scramble awhile longer and take them out while putting as few of his people at risk as possible.

Nathaniel crossed the market with purpose, something hadn't been right when Alicia bailed. He'd noticed it in the set of her jaw and slump of her shoulders; she wasn't happy. It didn't make sense, what she had learned would help the colony, it gave them an advantage; she should be proud of that. Especially when she learned it before the science division.

He let himself into her place with only a twinge of guilt, by now rumors had to be racing through the colony with how he freely came and went from her home. The only good thing was it was still obvious that she was not well. Yet he would have to make his intentions about her clear sooner rather than later.

If nothing else he had to convince her he this wasn't guilt or pity. Guilt ate at him but was not the motivator for being close to her; that was a habit developed over many years. Getting closer wasn't pity, it was being brought to his senses rather abruptly; his life wouldn't be right without her in it. And he'd gotten a taste of how it would feel if he lost her.

Nathaniel knew he was going to have to prove that to her, but he was hoping he could sell her on letting him do it over the course of many years; however many he had left. He found her sprawled out on her bed, her usually sleek pony tail was messy; her hair escaping in as many directions as possible. She had shed the jacket she'd worn all day and he could see the marks on her back, still red and sore but not nearly what they had been.

Alicia looked exhausted and as he sat on the edge of the bed she hardly stirred, either she was incredibly tired or she knew he was the only person who'd invite himself into her room. When he shifted to lean against the headboard she rolled to her side.

"Loosing your stamina Wash?" He asked innocently, hiding his pleasure as her eyes narrowed; it wouldn't be quite the same if he couldn't make her bristle.

"No sir."

"Good, wouldn't want to loose you to a desk job." Nathaniel teased her without thinking, she still maintained that she wanted to leave the military. It was a subject he didn't want to touch; he couldn't imagine her doing anything else; but her warning about giving orders replayed in his head. He swallowed his pride. "I'd miss you."

She was quiet, he saw confusion in her eyes and knew he had her stumped. She wasn't sure how to respond and he liked that, it wasn't often someone threw her off; she was famous for her poker face. He reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder and reveled in her allowing it; even easing closer.

"Alicia you're nearly sixteen years in. I can't imagine you doing anything else; I wouldn't feel the same doing this without you." He sighed, he didn't like saying it and wasn't going to repeat himself but if he tried to make choices for her she would walk away.

"Can we do this later? Ask me again when Malcolm can tell us whether the portal is here anymore or not." Her tone was hesitant, and her eyes guarded as she watched him for a reaction; he was careful not to let her see one. "I am really tired of war and mind games."

It wasn't the answer he wanted, he wanted to know that she was going to keep her position in the colony; wanted to know she was going to stay with him. Yet he was going to have to separate her staying as his second in command and her staying with him; he wanted her with him no matter what she chose. "It can wait. Time we do have."

As if on cue his com crackled to life and he snarled at it. "Taylor."

"There is an urgent update at the Command Center." The soldier from the communication center did not sound pleased about interrupting his night.

"Fine." He sighed and glanced at Alicia; he didn't think there was any point in asking her to come with him.

Nathaniel left her home and hurried to the Command Center, for once he wanted to worry about something other than colony business. He wanted to spend the evening with Alicia and get her to talk to him; to see her smile.

Yet he took the stairs up to the office and settled behind his desk before engaging the feed. It was the recon unit and Guzman looked grim. "They're moving camp, a Sixers family tried to leave. They were executed on the spot. Kids too. Sir I don't want to stand by and watch this."

Taylor snarled, he wanted the colony strong before he handled the Phoenix, he wanted Alicia strong; in truth if he couldn't take her with him then he wanted to leave the colony in her hands. It was something he knew she would fight but it would let him work a little easier.

"Stay on them, don't make yourselves known." It left him little choice, something must have provoked the move; it was too much of a chance to assume it was the escapees. Nathaniel knew he would have to take a unit; or allow his men to watch history repeat.

This world could be different, it was his sincere hope that they could change their future; that the world would remain a beautiful home for many generations. It would not start with the colony standing by as families were executed, the Sixers had chosen the wrong side; underestimated the colony's determination. But they didn't deserve to die for it.

He signed off without a commitment, Guzman knew him well enough he didn't need to spell it out; the man knew such things took time. Settling at the desk it was not a good feeling to put together an attack team, this was not a fight he was looking forward to but it was not one he would give up either; and it was better to fight it in the badlands far from the colony. With a pang of guilt he turned to Alicia's unit, she worked her soldiers hard and it showed; many of them went onto the roster. He really needed a sniper to provide them with cover.

It was much later when he returned to Alicia's house, the decision made and the unit informed that they would be leaving the following day at noon. This task was much harder and he truly wasn't sure how she would react. With most women it would be tears and angry words; insults meant to guilt him into staying. But those women weren't Alicia, he didn't expect that she would want him to avoid this; she would agree it had to be dealt with.

Given everything that had happened however he feared her reaction to being left behind, though this time he would not leave it all on her shoulders; he never should have. Never had he tried to run the colony alone for more than a short period, certainly not with both civilian and military demands like he had left on her. It was a lesson he almost hadn't gotten to try again.

This time he left Shannon in charge with the assistance of two veteran soldiers to help him manage the duties; he also left nearly eighty percent of their military. Alicia was to be kept apprised of all functions and communications; and Shannon understood that should she choose she could override the cop's decision with an order. Nathaniel wasn't sure if she would see it as it was, a way to use her experience without putting her the spot; or if she would see it as a lack of trust.

He found her stretched out on the couch, she was awake and eyed him up as he approached. He could give orders, and had no fear of a fight but what he was going to do bothered him more than he expected. She shifted and he dropped down to sit beside her.

"The Phoenix?" Her voice was low, and he could see her squaring her shoulders; pulling away from him. How quickly they both wold shift back into the military; distant from each other.

"The Sixers aren't faring well. I'm taking a unit out tomorrow, we'll get the families out if we can. They picked the wrong side of this war, their kids shouldn't die for it." He nearly felt the fear rolling off of her in waves, but her body didn't move; her gaze didn't change.

"I'll go."

"No, Wash you are in no shape to deal with this. I've got a unit together, I'll leave Shannon in charge of the colony. He will keep you apprised of everything but this is not your fight." She would say that, would do it too if he allowed it. "I am not doing this because I don't trust you, Alicia I want you to be safe; I need you to heal."

"You need cover, we don't have any snipers trained; it was assumed I would serve in that function if needed."

"This will be fast Alicia, a week at most. We want to get the families out; I haven't decided what to do about them yet. The Phoenix will take care of themselves if the Sixers are gone; they aren't prepared for this environment."

"Or they'll come back here." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Alicia we will be ready." He had rarely heard her voice any sort of fear; it wasn't who she was. Yet there was an edge of fear in her voice.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Her nerves were frayed, Nathaniel had taken his unit out four days ago; until yesterday there had been regular check-ins. They had connected with the recon unit and the team was trailing the enemy army. As of yet they had been moving nearly daily; settling no where.

It was strange, not only because they had to know Terra Nova would retaliate eventually and being in transit was a vulnerable position but also it limited their hunting. Soon their supplies would be running short. Alicia couldn't determine a good reason; not from a tactical point.

The last check in Nathaniel had reported that if things got hot they wouldn't send a radio transmission for the risk of interception. But thirty six hours was a long time. She knew it was getting to Shannon, even with support the man was not enjoying the responsibility of the colony.

He had showed up at her door everyday for some form of advice he apparently couldn't get from the soldiers meant to help him. Things she knew he could handle himself. Alicia was fighting hard to ignore the nerves that seemed to be held over fire with every question he asked. He was more than capable of handling this.

At least he accepted her refusal to work from the Command Center without protest; it meant he knew something. She didn't see how he could, perhaps he'd figured it out since it was broadcasted that she hadn't been tossed in the brig. Humiliating her within the hub of colony command had its effect. It made the place she spent nearly every day feel dark and bitter; it shamed her.

The Sheriff had been more tolerant than the Commander and set her up with a tech unit in her living room. Alicia monitored the surveillance feeds and weather forecasts. She ordered a balloon sent up in the direction of the badlands; it was an area they had very little data on.

Clearly there was something out there, and the phoenix were bound and bent to find it; she sincerely hoped they were wrong. It was her men out there, Taylor had taken most of the unit she had trained; some of them hardly more than kids. While she did not doubt their ability she knew them, she cared about them and in the last few years they'd had the luxury of relevant safety.

It wasn't war that took the lives of the Terra Nova soldiers and to a soldier who had seen too much war somehow that was a gift. They lost some, but no where near the numbers they had in the future. She wasn't eager to see that change.

Evening crawled on into night and when she woke to no news the next morning a knot formed in her gut. A month had passed since the Phoenix had left and in that time she had healed; largely with Nathaniel Taylor at her side. The man she wasn't supposed to care for or worry over; but she was worried.

She knew he wasn't an easy man to kill but the reports had been so strange and now they had nothing. Alicia figured it was unlikely the entire unit had been wiped out, but that meant they were maintaining radio silence. Only one person could give that order and she knew how his mind worked; he knew hers as well. It made her think he wanted something.

The man could leave the colony to someone else but he'd left the order for her to be apprised; he knew she wouldn't keep her nose out of it. Still as she scanned the atmospheric balloon she'd jerry rigged she saw nothing that interested her; only data Malcolm Wallace was begging for.

Alicia forwarded the stats and moved on, leaving her home for a little while. She was forcing herself to go out into the colony more; trying to reclaim her spot. She still felt a sense unease when she walked through the market, she still flinched when people called her name and had nearly kicked out at a little girl who had greeted her by tugging on her pocket.

The child was no threat and it was not the first time a kid had done that; just the first since everything had happened. She hated herself for being on hyper alert when there was no need. Flinching when people meant well. Slowly her morning walks were helping, if nothing else people were becoming more comfortable with her.

As she glanced up to see if Shannon was already at the Command Center she heard someone coming up fast behind her. Alicia glanced back to see Corporal Reilly hurrying away from the mess. "Ma'am."

"Yes." Alicia waited as the woman fell in step beside her.

"Has there been any news?" The younger woman followed her towards the gate, towards the route the patrol usually took.

"No."

"Ma'am how long do we wait?" She knew the woman was concerned about her comrades, about what was happening.

"Not my call on this one Reilly; Shannon is in charge." Alicia was alright with that, at least for right now. Given a few more hours of waiting and she might not be; and Nathaniel had given her the power to override him.

"Yes Ma'am, but given the circumstance we are all worried. If you need a unit…."

"Understood Reilly." The younger woman had come in on the second pilgrimage; a bomb expert fresh out of a hot zone. Alicia had seen her come a long way, Reilly had a few close calls to live with.

They walked in silence for a few moments, beginning the patrol that was done each morning at dawn; Alicia hadn't planned to walk it but wasn't going to turn around. Seeing as the soldier stayed in step beside her the woman must have come off a night shift.

"Ma'am, it's always been an honor to serve under you. I hope if you needed anything you would ask; I know everyone is glad you pulled through." Alicia turned sharply at the woman's words.

"Thank you." She murmured softly, what was a person supposed to say to that?

"I know you came through the Somali war, you've probably got it under control but if you ever need to talk I'll listen." Alicia heard uncertainty in her voice, Reilly was a good person and a good soldier but not afraid of taking a risk.

The conversation was an awkward one, as they walked the fence short bursts of conversation broke up the silence. They had known each other six years, Alicia had trained her when she first arrived, she had trained many soldiers. Given her position in the colony she didn't have many friends; there was always colony business that needed her attention first.

In fact she had to consider Elisabeth Shannon her only real female friend in Terra Nova and that was mostly because the woman easily walked around the walls she put up. Anyone else who had seen her naked and taken care of her Alicia would avoid with discipline. Yet instead she trusted that woman as much as she trusted anyone right now.

Friends weren't a bad thing she was slowly learning that lesson, Reilly was trying and given the fact she was the woman's CO it wasn't easy. Alicia tried to relax a little, it wasn't wrong to try to be friendly; just wasn't a skill she'd spent a lot of time on.

"Heard you and Zoe Shannon gave Malcolm a hand." Reilly had a smirk on her face, Alicia nodded; so that rumor was making the rounds.

"A possibility, we found the prow that the Sixers dragged back here from the badlands in the records at the eye." It was no secret, very little that went through the science division was confidential.

"You know, explosives are sort of my thing." Reilly sounded slightly hesitant.

"I didn't miss that, you disarmed one in the valley and rigged the one that blew up the plaza; it's also mentioned in your jacket." The words were out of her mouth before she realized it was too stiff. "Explosives are your thing, the science division is working on it but I have the reports if you'd give them a go over; they're greek to me."

"Yeah, I mean if you don't mind." The soldier was sneaking glances at her, Alicia smiled; maybe this was a good step.

They finished the round and she turned to her unit, Reilly stayed in step beside her. Alicia showed her in and gestured to the couch. She had to shift several plexs around to find the stack of reports Malcolm had given her; currently she had greater concerns.

Reilly settled in with the first as Alicia checked the status on the surveillance balloon. It didn't take long to see that it nothing had been found. Where was Taylor, and why had they heard nothing for so long? Even hot spots broke at some point, if he was pinned down he'd call for help and if they sustained losses he would warn the colony.

The image from the balloon was a bit grainy but she had a day's data. There was the data Malcolm had wanted but no sign of the Phoenix Army or Taylor's unit. That didn't surprise her, Taylor would stay out of sight but the enemy wouldn't care. If she could get eyes on them she would find Taylor and their men.

There were more ways to find a person than laying eyes on them; a company of that size would leave a trail. It was harder to do from a screen, it was much easier to kneel and examine track; touch a leaf and tell how long it had been since someone had passed by.

"Uh Ma'am." Reilly pulled her attention away from the tape. "So Malcolm is looking for other portals right? I mean with this data he should be able to prove if there are any other fractures. We can know for sure, and monitor; if any other fractures form we can be prepared."

"That is the plan, if we are ready then once we deal with the Phoenix army we're on our own. Terra Nova accepts no more guests." She didn't give Reilly her full attention from what she could tell the Phoenix weren't just wandering the badlands; they were crossing them.

"It could be the other way around, at least in theory." Reilly murmured but it made Alicia give her full attention. "I just mean there were people on that ship, some could have come through with the prow; people do survive explosions."

"You and I are both living proof of that." She replied numbly, that was something she had never considered. "But it's unlikely."

Alicia hadn't given it much thought, the prow was so old; she had only thought about finding a record of it. Maybe they weren't the first ones to come through the fracture, but if that was true why hadn't they seen any sign of them?


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

He glared out at the swirling sand and dirt, dawn was breaking and the day was shaping up the same as the last. This land was dry and dusty, had been for days, his first time to the badlands made the jungle very appealing. They had closed on the army, but with the way their enemy was moving an assault team was pointless. At the rate they were going there wasn't going to be any action; the Phoenix and Sixers would either starve or die of exhaustion.

None were faring well but they were busy, what ever they were up to was jamming all the coms his unit carried. It had been four days since he'd checked in and he was well aware of the concern that would be causing. He only hoped they took his last warning seriously.

It wasn't a hot zone that silenced them, their coms were down, and he knew who was responsible for it; just not if it was intentional. Lucas would be responsible, it was just a matter of his reasons. Either he was transmitting some sort of signal as he searched for a new time fracture or he had a better head for tactics than Taylor figured.

"Sir, we've got movement on the western flank." Reynolds informed him as the scout team rejoined the unit. "It's a break away, some sixers and some phoenix."

He nodded, slowly raising his binos to scan the region; it could be a hunting party. They certainly needed to send one from the look he'd caught. Yet it was a strange mix for a hunting party, and not very well armed.

"Good eye, tag Guzman and get some water; same for your men." It was going to be hot today, the badlands were deadly hot and had been every day they'd been out here.

Taylor kept his eyes on the party as they moved towards the tree line, he nearly missed a second party breaking away in the same direction; it wasn't right. When Guzman stood behind him Taylor had made a decision; he would handle this one.

"Keep on their main party; I'll take a look at the breakaways."

"Yes sir." The man took the order; raising his own binoculars to scan the area. "And sir, our coms are live again."

Nathaniel felt a jolt of energy run through him that meant they could call out. Yet was it too convenient? He trusted very little right now, and wasn't going to take a chance. Glaring at the party moving out he had a sinking feeling in his stomach; he could really use Wash about now.

This land did not provide much cover and with their targets heading for the tree line he was left with a lot of open ground. He took a small team, for now the goal was surveillance but he would be ready should that change.

…..

Forty eight hours with no check-ins had done it for her, Alicia might not be at her best but she wasn't on her death bed. And that was enough, Alicia had spent over an hour wearing Shannon down; reminding him of a time when the roles had been reversed.

Needless to say she had won the first two rounds, he had won the last. She was going to the badlands, she was taking two other soldiers of her choosing with her but she was going to be back in three days time. Whether or not she found Taylor she had promised Jim Shannon three days from today she would be back in the colony. If she was injured she had to face the wrath of Shannon's other half.

Alicia was not excited to deal with Elisabeth Shannon over any new injures; her old ones weren't entirely healed. Dawn would be on her soon and Alicia wanted her unit on the move. It would be a twenty hour trek to the badlands; that left her only twenty four to investigate. That was unless she sent a message to Shannon once she was out there.

It was a tempting option, but she wasn't going to entertain it; the Shannon family had come to mean a lot to her. And they were one of the reasons she had to go, no matter how much she hated this; no matter what she feared she would find. If the colony was at risk, if their assault team had hit a hot zone then they needed to know.

The weight of her body armor felt strange after over a month without wearing it, it pressed on her back against new scars. She fastened the straps snugly around her middle and slid her combat knife into the hidden sheath.

Moving to her personal lock up she holstered the weapons she had chosen the night before. She had also given Reilly and Jenkins each an older weapon. The older models packed a punch that some of the newer ones didn't; they relied only on being loaded. She wasn't taking any chances, wearing double thigh holsters she had a pulse weapon on one leg and a manual glock on the other.

Reaching for her pack Alicia left her home and in the darkness headed for the gate. Her back straight, shoulder's square and stride crisp she knew she looked far more confident than she felt. She had learned that trick early on, weakness never wore well on a soldier or a leader.

A rover waited at the gate, already loaded the two soldiers who stood beside it did not look sure. One had volunteered; the other had the unlucky chance of being on the door. Having heard her argument with Shannon Jenkins had little choice but to step up when Reilly who stood beside him moved immediately to back her play.

Shannon looked miserable as he paced by the gate. "We'll check in before we hit the tree line."

"Just get back here in one piece, and preferably before Taylor. You get hurt he is going to have my ass." The man wasn't a soldier but he had learned a few things; Taylor hated being crossed. She had learned that long ago; this time it didn't stop her.

"We're ready." She nodded to Reilly and slid into the passenger seat of the rover; Jenkins climbed into the back.

Reilly was driving, Alicia was going to focus on keeping her grip. It was going to be a rough trip, her first time OTG since the occupation. She rarely rode in a rover; except when a sharp shooter was needed. Alicia didn't know what they would hit, but the rifle in her lap was not just a precaution; the only question was when she would need it.

They pushed straight through, both Jenkins and Reilly took turns at the wheel. On their second short break, just before dusk Alicia took a long moment to stretch before returning to her spot in the rover.

"Are you alright ma'am?" Reilly watched her, sadly most women were more perceptive than men; she almost got away with it.

"Just stiff." Her entire body ached, in truth she wasn't really sure she had been ready for this. "Time to move, we can hit the tree line by dawn."

Darkness was still heavy around them as the canopy began to thin, jungle giving way to the harsh land beyond. They rolled to a stop, in an hour dawn would be upon them. While Jenkins took the scope Alicia took out a project Taylor had spent months working on. A hand made map of everything they knew of Terra Nova.

This version offered something a digital rendering did not; a peek into what Taylor was thinking. Alicia had used it as a point of reference before, trying to plot the enemy's path. Now she used it as a guide, if her estimates were right they were about four hours ahead of the army's last path, if they stuck to it they would cross through here this morning; reasonably close to the tree line.

Alicia had stopped them before the cover gave way completely. From here they could watch, and if all went well they could make contact with the unit. She didn't want to think to hard on Taylor's reaction, he wouldn't be pleased; but she couldn't just wait.

This direction made little sense to her, they were moving farther and farther from the colony into land that would become increasingly more difficult to survive. As of yet every reading the science division at Terra Nova collected confirmed one thing. There had been a time fracture, detectable by some combination of polarized ions; such reading had ceased to appear thirty eight days ago.

Jim Shannon had shuddered when he heard the news, he had been seconds from being trapped in 2149 and had been the cause of the time fracture sealing. It was the first natural resource of this world to become extinct. Alicia Washington was not sorry to know it was gone; and would not be sorry if it forever stayed that way.

The question was when would Lucas Taylor realize that, and how exactly would his employers react to the news. More over how would the mercenaries counting on a big payday back in the future react to the news this was it. She didn't like the young man's chances, didn't feel sorry for him either.

They set their position and settled in to wait. Alicia traded her pulse rifle for a weapon she favored and attached a scope. Setting it on a tripod she lay herself out in the dirt and made herself comfortable with the long range weapon. They'd set up on a rise near the edge of the tree line, it gave her a good view and with a thermal scope she began to work.

Slowly the day dawned, none of them had much to say about it. Reilly was scanning for explosives and Jenkins was keeping guard on the both of them; mercenaries were not their only concern out here. Alicia had located the heat signature of the army, but it was distant; they were moving slowly.

Using them as a reference she began to work methodically across the land scape; light was helping. No longer relying on the heat signature; it was unreliable at best at such a distance. When she found nothing she brought her focus back to the army, were they moving slowly because they'd sustained losses?

As she tried to decide that a small pack broke away, mostly made up of Sixers, she only saw three phoenix guards; and Lucas Taylor. One guard stayed on the young man until he was in the rover; she couldn't see what happened next. Another vehicle was loaded with sixers, the process took entirely too long and too many people were crammed into the rhino; tools were loaded next.

She watched as the two vehicles left the main party, some how she didn't think they were making a supply run. Her goal was to get eyes on their people, but something about that transport made her muscles tighten.

Following their direction she guessed they would hit the tree line a couple clicks north of her position. In the trees it would be hard to monitor from a distance, she began to weigh her options as she panned back to the main party and across the barren landscape; still no other signs of life.

She was doing another pass when she caught a flash of movement in the corner of the scope. On refocus it was gone, Alicia waited patiently; it could be wild life. But a smile teased the corners of her mouth when a rover crested a far off rise and spun out.

Punching in Alicia took in the familiar Terra Nova uniform and was pretty sure it was Reynolds; a scout. She waited and watched, a few moments later another three transports joined the first. There was a flurry of activity around the vehicles and Alicia took a head count; she was eying her own men down the scope of a sniper rifle.

"I've got our people." She called out to Reilly and Jenkins as one distinct figure leaned on the frame of the rover; what looked like binoculars pressed to his eyes. "Looks like everybody is in one piece."

"Should we try and raise them?" Jenkins asked, he looked relieved and hopeful; probably thinking there was safety in numbers.

"Not yet." She panned back to the target of the Terra Nova unit, another transport was being prepped. "Something is going on. I think we should get ready to move."

"Company?" Reilly asked, already following the instruction.

"No, I think we are going to head north and give them some." The first break away unit was hitting the tree line, she watched the second head the same direction; this one loaded with kids.

Alicia Washington had seen a lot of things in life, in war and being from a military family had heard some of the horrific things human beings had done to each other through the centuries. Few guards, and people who had served their purpose and those to young to have one; Alicia knew what was happening. It made her angry, she was a soldier and had sworn an oath to serve and protect; certain things could still get under her skin.

"We're moving now." She shoved to her feet, the main party was moving again; so were they.

Reilly was half way into the rover when she climbed into the passenger seat; breaking down her weapon as she moved. Jenkins scrambled into the back and they moved. It wasn't long before they ditched the rover and took off on foot. Reilly had tracked with her enough times to know the drill; and take care of Jenkins.

The two stayed close behind her as Alicia picked her way through the jungle, seeking a trail as they covered her back. Given she expected the next group to come along the same route, it was clear no one had tried to disguise their path, Alicia kept off it.

When they heard voices Alicia held up her hand; both soldiers stopped behind her; Alicia motioned to the right. Staying low they circled a small clearing until there was a clear view. Her gut tightened, she had been on the mark but wished she was wrong.

"Ma'am are they…" Jenkins trailed off.

"They're digging their own graves." Why would the Phoenix exert the energy when they had people to do it for them?

Alicia reached for her hip and slid out the old weapon her grand father had given her many years ago, over a hundred years old but carefully maintained; this weapon had seen several historic wars. She saw Reilly copy her movement, also choosing the older weapon Alicia had loaned her.

"We'll be in close quarters, aim for center mass; I'll take the leaders." She wasn't going to take any chances, a old fashioned metal bullet was a lot more reliable than a pulse gun; lot more painful too.

People still survived being shot sometimes, but given the circumstances survivors weren't an option. She had no use for taking prisoners, not when they were interrupting an execution.

"How are we going to distract them?" Jenkins hissed, she glanced over to see the young soldier looking pale; something registered in her mind.

"I'll take care of it, Reilly with me; Jenkins provide cover." He had never killed, Terra Nova was his first and last post; somehow she wasn't going to take that innocence from him. "The other unit won't be far out, take the left side of the path; we don't want any company. There were only two soldiers, kids were bound."

With that Alicia stood, keeping her body behind a tree she took a shot; the soldier on the far right fell. Reilly had moved out silently, Alicia knew the woman understood the instruction; knew she was a good shot too. She moved into the clearing quickly, taking out the second man; he died near instantly.

She didn't like suffering, most of the sixers had the sense to toss themselves back into the holes they had dug for cover. Ironically it was their intended graves that protected them; one didn't. Lucas Taylor still stood in front of a hole and blocking her shot, their eyes met for a brief second and all she saw was shock.

As far as he knew she had died a month ago at his hand, steadying her hand for the shot just as the mercenary raised his weapon; it wasn't pointed at her. Lucas Taylor tried to run from the shot. Her heart lurched, she could stop and wait a second; it would only take a moment's hesitation. Vaguely she was aware of other shots being fired; children crying and something else. Alicia's body didn't stop moving as she pulled the trigger.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

When he had seen the second party leave he had picked up the pace, kids; they were taking the sixers and their children. It had been a hard push but they'd cut to the treeline and raced towards the spot they saw the rovers disappear. Nathaniel didn't know if they would make it in time.

They were closing on their target as he heard shots, he swallowed bile. Several more rang out and suddenly he heard children crying. Dead children didn't cry, he saw the glint of a gun barrel and then a soldier stepped from cover. Taylor shouted for his men to lower their weapons even though he questioned his sight.

Corporal Reilly scanned the unit and then turned back to the clearing. He and several other soldiers were in motion before the rovers came to a complete stop. His throat clenched and his heart nearly stopped as a final shot rang out, he watched a man in a phoenix uniform fell; weapon in hand. In death his hand pulled the switch for an air laser, it swung out as he hit his knees; two more figures fell.

Nathaniel didn't stop, he heard a strangled cry, a familiar voice and had recognized both of the people who fell. Alicia Washington's fall cushioned by his son. His son who had already tried to kill her, he covered the ground quickly.

His hand closed on the back of her neck, fisting her hair and the upper plate of her body armor as he hauled her away from Lucas; throwing her back wards. She let out a cry that stabbed into his gut but as he did he saw his son had tried to do the same thing to her as he'd done to him. Lucas held her combat knife, just didn't get the chance to use it and one well placed kick sent the knife flying.

"What on this earth is there to stop me from finishing what they started?" Nathaniel snarled, the sight before him sickening. A part of him wanted desperately to end Lucas just for taking that knife; a woman who had already suffered so much at his hands.

Lucas didn't have a weapon and seemed to understand he had no where to go; his wild eyes trying to see beyond Nathaniel's body. Nathaniel was not giving him another look at Alicia, she shouldn't be out here; he had left her safe within the colony. And yet she was, she was hurt again and it was threatening his control. Nathaniel heard a whimper and then soft words, his entire body clenched and he nearly pulled the trigger just to finish this.

"Sir, she's trying..." Reilly was kneeling over her, he turned slightly; she couldn't die now.

"Reynolds." He snapped the order.

No sooner than the young soldier took a guard position than he turned and hit his knees beside her. Her eyes were glassy and unfocused, her skin already pale; he tried to see where she was loosing blood. Reilly's hands were clamped on her upper thigh but he could see bright red blood escaping between her fingers.

Nathaniel placed his larger hands over the Corporal's, one palm pressed firmly over the place he could feel her skin was cut; his hands encircled her thigh. "C'mon Wash, you hold on; hold on."

She wasn't supposed to be out here, he'd left her in the colony; he'd left her safe. Her body was only beginning to heal, when he'd left she had just started working out again. He kept his hands in place, Reilly handed him a thick pad and he put pressure on it as the woman cut the ruined fabric away.

All he could see was blood, he'd seen a lot of blood in his life, seen a lot of death; he wasn't loosing this time. He was not going to loose her now. Her leg was slick with blood and the cut far longer than he'd thought. Some part of his mind registered that it was a glancing cut, a laser could go straight through bone and steel; it must have been on a low setting. But that ran far too close to her femoral artery.

If it was cut she'd already be gone and he could see her eyes were still open, her lips moved in silent cries. When his hands were nudged away he moved to take her hand, the back of his knuckles brushing her cheek; leaving a smear of blood. "It's over, it's all over; we're going to take you home."

"Sir, before she was trying to say something, I think it was 'don't he's sick', but I couldn't be sure." Reilly looked pale herself, checking the bandage now wrapped tightly around Alicia's leg.

He nodded, only once had his judgement felt skewed and that was eleven years ago. Then it had been his wife, but he hadn't been able to save her. If not for the support from the members of his unit he wouldn't have been able to save his son. Looking at the man that boy had become he felt rage. That operation had nearly killed Wash as well; she had been a part of saving Lucas' life. This feeling was worse, somehow the idea of loosing Wash hurt more than that memory ever could.

It didn't take much to work out what was meant to happen here, or why Alicia still had her leg. A long mass grave had been dug, given the sixers kneeling in it now. It had been a close call, the laser set on low to minimize the mess and do an efficient job; one quick flick of the wrist. Something had made the Phoenix turn on Lucas and the sixers; he didn't care to know what it was right now.

"You live because she might have asked for your life to be spared." He faced his son, then motioned to his men. "Secure him, and keep two guards on him until we hit the rover."

He gave out the rest of his instructions quickly, one hard glare at Mira and the Sixers told him they wouldn't be a problem. With everything in motion he knelt next to Alicia and carefully scooped her into his arms. "Stay close Reilly."

The Corporal nodded, with Alicia in his arms he couldn't carry his weapon; with her bleeding predators became a concern. The young soldier seemed nervous, almost waiting; he could guess why. But he wasn't going to ask, the reason she and Jenkins were out here was in his arms; he knew that. The reason the came out here was likely his fault, he knew the colony would be getting antsy with no word in days.

It took an hour to round everyone into the transports, the kids proved especially difficult given their scare. He kept his distance there, remembering Leah Marcos' initial reaction to him had not been good. It didn't help that when the adults were loaded he had them bound but he didn't trust the sixers.

While he might not watch them die he wasn't going to welcome them back into the colony after everything that had happened. They could stay in the brig until he decided what to do with them. His main concern was getting Alicia back to the colony.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

She woke to bright lights and familiar voices, no sooner did she open her eyes then someone took her hand. Alicia pulled back, but the hand followed; squeezing her tight. "It's okay Alicia, your safe; your home."

His face came into her line of sight and Alicia almost cringed, she had blacked out some time ago. Had he heard her? Taylor was capable of a lot of things, had done them in the years; eliminating threats was his duty. And his son was one who wouldn't be for much longer. She should have seen it sooner, long ago.

"Is he still alive?" It came out slightly garbled, and she saw a look of confusion cross his face. Those blue eyes showed it for a split second.

"You are safe Alicia, everyone is." Nathaniel's voice was soothing and one of his hands was still in hers, the other brushed her cheek.

"Given everything that has happened I don't think a little concern is out of place." Anther voice added to the mix. "I need to examine her Commander."

He moved back but didn't release her hand, Alicia didn't let him go. The doctor made a soft sound in her throat but didn't say anything, the scan of her body appeared on the hologram above. Finally it was switched off and the doctor added some notes to her chart before putting it back on the end of the bed.

"This time you have no choice but to take the time you need to heal. A crutch for six weeks minimum, but I will send you home tonight if you'll take pain killers." Elisabeth Shannon squeezed her shoulder, her tone carried a warning. "I will come back later."

Silence hung between them for a long moment, then he cleared his throat. "I'll get you your papers by the end of the week, given your service you will receive your full retirement benefits. I've begun the process of selecting a new second in command."

Alicia felt cold, he was that angry with her? She slid her hand from his as an alarm went of on the bed, Alicia didn't care to find out why; she felt numb. She'd expected a lecture, one of his rants about procedure and safety; the welfare of the colony. But she had hoped he might sit with her. The doctor was back and Alicia saw the woman take her in; was she that obvious?

"Commander you need to leave for a few moments." The woman's voice was calm and reassuring, Alicia felt that steady hand on her shoulder again; there was nothing medically wrong with her. "I need to examine Alicia for a moment."

The man obeyed and when the door shut the doctor sat on the edge of the bed. Alicia sighed. "The bed is still alarmed for my vitals."

"Yes it is, your heart rate changed very suddenly but I don't think medically there is anything to be done for it. I can however keep him out for a while." Elisabeth gave her a soft smile. "I can also listen."

"I don't know if I want to talk about it." He was only doing what she had said she wanted. But he had been the one who argued she wasn't in any state to be making career decisions, he was the one who fought to try and make her stay; until today.

She supposed disobeying an order, putting two soldier's lives on the line and getting herself hurt was enough to change his mind. But they hadn't checked in four days, and every one of them had been fine, a few cuts and bruises or such but certainly not dying in a ditch. Any one of them could have used a coded frequency.

"When you do I'll be around. But Alicia I am glad you found them, glad you found those kids too. You did the right thing."

"Right." She snorted, it certainly didn't feel like she'd done the right thing from her side of it. Right now she had a screwed up leg and no job. And somehow it felt like the pieces of her life she'd put back together were all falling apart again.

"Don't you doubt that, remember that my daughter is dating Reynolds. I've heard what happened, and I've heard the choice you made. Your soldiers are not keeping quiet about it, they all have a lot of respect for you."

"Doesn't matter anymore, I've got my walking orders." Tears threatened to spill over, it was what she'd thought she wanted but right now it felt like a punch to the gut. Couldn't he see that by taking the unit out she'd caved to him?

….

He reviewed the reports for the time he was gone and he paced. They had arrived home six hours ago; Wash had spent nearly three unconscious. He still didn't know what had happened after that, Alicia had still looked fine when the alarms on her bed went off.

When Shannon stepped into the Command Center he turned from his desk, after being away a week there was a great deal to catch up on. And another problem to deal with. "Sit down Shannon."

"With respect I'd rather not." The man looked down right uncomfortable. "I understand you are looking for a new second."

"That would be right. How would you feel about the job?" That was why he had summoned the man, but he'd planned to do a little explaining first.

"I won't do it."

Nathaniel frowned, he hadn't expected that but outside of the military Shannon was the logical choice. And he thought it might be wise to look outside of the military as he knew his officers wouldn't be comfortable taking Washington's spot; or her responsibilities.

"See here's the thing Commander, I've got a debt I will never be able to repay. I've got a lot of respect for Lieutenant Washington and more importantly so do my children. I won't take her job." The man's voice had snap to it, he knew Jim Shannon had never really cared about orders; but this had something more to it.

"Washington has chosen to retire, it is her right and given what the past months have been for her I see no good reason to deny the request. She will always be the first person to be second in command of this colony and her actions will always be remembered; the job will still need to be done." Taylor growled, at least the soldiers would have more rational excuses of managing the work load and responsibility.

"Was it a request?" The cop eyed him skeptically, he'd seen the expression before; when Shannon wondered if he had killed a man in cold blood.

He snarled under his breath, there was absolutely no way to win. The cop left and Taylor wasted little time, he had enough problems on his hands. He'd kill two birds with one stone, go to the clinic and check on Alicia, then ask for a medic to do the medical assessments on their prisoners.

The second task was easily arranged, the first was not. A nurse on the desk informed him Alicia wasn't in the clinic. He had then inquired of Doctor Shannon, he had momentarily relaxed when he learned she was off. It was an easy guess that the doctor had taken Alicia home with her again, it would also explain Jim Shannon's information.

Instead he only found the Shannon children, and he got Zoe's hopes up for nothing. He headed for her unit and let himself in. There was a comp set up since he'd last been here but no sign of her. Stepping back into the street he tried to think where else she might go.

"Sir." A soldier approached him, Nathaniel sighed, his com was on; he didn't need a runner. "I think you are needed at the Command Center."

"You think?" Nathaniel was running out of patience with people today.

"Ah, well they aren't sure what to do." The soldier looked uncomfortable.

"Should this occur on any other day what would you do?'

"Normally? Any unusual occurrence we tag the Lieutenant; but that won't really work."

"No, no it won't. I'm on my way." He snarled, that was exactly what her men would do.

And if they were wrong but acting in good faith Alicia wouldn't bat an eye; he delegated most of the day to day organization and training to her. The men who reported to her were happy to do so and generally any with a problem sought her out.

He took the steps back up to the Command Center and immediately noticed that the soldiers on the platform were not at their posts; both of them looked nearly scared. These were solid young men, they knew their post was on the door yet they stood by the stairs; as far from the door as possible.

Both backed up to let him pass, he strode through the door and stopped dead. A crutch leaned against the wall, nearly sitting on the floor was a woman who was trembling; eyes shut. Tears had made tracks down her face, one leg was wrapped in heavy gauze extended straight out, the other tucked underneath her at an impossible angle. As if she'd backed into the wall and slid down any way she could. He recognized the spot, it was where she had lay when his son kicked her aside.

"Alicia." His voice sounded choked, felt dead. He thought about calling for the doctor but thought better; this was something he needed to be able to handle. She wouldn't just deal with this once, it was going to be a long process of healing and he needed to be able to help her through it. "Alicia you are safe."

He moved to be beside her, he wanted to be close to her. He reached out to touch her, a hand moved fast and he barely saw it before the heel of her hand slammed his elbow; she jerked away. "Don't touch me."

"Alright. Just take a couple deep breaths." She didn't want to be touched but he desperately wanted to pull her to his chest and hold her tight. He'd seen her hurting, seen her angry; he'd never seen her broken.

Her hand fumbled along the wall, he was unsure of what she wanted until she got her hand on the crutch and used it to pull herself up. She opened her eyes, her entire body seemed to shake before it stiffened; he could see the tension in the set of her jaw and her grip on the crutch.

"You don't have to be in here. You don't have to deal with this right now." He didn't know what to say or how to say it to make her believe she was safe.

"You're right, I don't. This is your place, not mine." She leaned heavily on the crutch and limped away.

Stunned by the venom in her voice, he paused a moment before following; she was on the stairs. The soldiers looked as scared as he felt; the woman was dead set on giving him a heart attack. Nathaniel shadowed her to her unit, had her door slammed in his face and secured against him.

...

Her leg was throbbing as she dropped onto the couch, stairs had been a mistake but she had to know. And now she did. The realization hurt, everything hurt. She was done, done in the military for good. He'd get her the papers by the end of the week and then it would be official.

Everything she worked for would be gone and honorable discharge or not it was over because she couldn't do the job anymore. She couldn't bear to be in the Command Centre anymore, she couldn't train her men or do the job. Which meant it was for the best.

And it was, it was going to have to be. She just couldn't help but feel ripped in different directions. Everything she was sure of was wrapped up in the job, her life was that job. Nathaniel Taylor was in that part of her life; and it was over.

The thing was the reason she wanted to leave was non existent. There were no open portals and the Phoenix were in a sorry state. There would likely be a few small scrimmages, and the sixers had to be dealt with but what she had feared wasn't going to happen.

Nathaniel wasn't the type of man to allow this place to be destroyed and if the Phoenix started doing that then they would be swiftly ended. They were no longer a powerful force and no longer had the strength to wage a war like she had spent too many years in. Terra Nova could become what it was meant to be.

Only she didn't get another chance, not at the job and not with Nathaniel. Their chance at a future had lasted all of a few weeks. And she was not going to go and beg for her job back; he wouldn't give it to her anyways. He had made two choices in one.

That didn't mean he had to win, she calmed herself; it just meant she had to start over. She could do it, she would just have to figure out how. At least she had been busy enough that she has more than a little saved. None of this had to happen today.


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Nathaniel paced, sat and tried to work then stood and paced again. She had shut the door in his face; locked it. He wanted to be angry with her, it was easier to be angry but he couldn't. He tried to focus on work, on securing the colony's future but every other thought drifted back to her.

He needed to deal with the Sixers, he couldn't allow them to remain in the colony but one of his reasons for that was he didn't want them near her. They'd tried to kill her when they left, she had been leading the supply run they hijacked. She had been a bartering tool when they'd tried to steal back the box Mira was so obsessed with and when she was tortured within an inch of her life they watched.

No, he would not allow them to remain in the colony and somehow doubted if they would want to. Yet what of the children? They had taken them the first time but this time they would have to go without the luxury of supplies. He couldn't keep children from their families, perhaps the orphans could remain in Terra Nova but he would have to let the families go.

That brought him to the other occupant of the brig; his son. On that his decision was difficult, he knew he had to wait for the medical report. Execution had weighed heavily on his mind, for everything Lucas had done, for what he might have done even after his life had been spared. He had drawn that knife when he lay less than a foot from his intended grave. Nathaniel couldn't convince himself the man wouldn't have used it given the chance.

He had never got the chance to confirm what she had meant about Lucas, she had lost consciousness in his arms. By the time they got back to the colony her skin was sheet white and he had ordered their prisoners thrown in the brig, children to pod zero and left the soldiers to follow orders. He had waited at the medical clinic for her.

She had needed a blood transfusion and it had taken over an hour for the doctor to tend her leg. It had been several hours before she regained consciousness, several hours for him to spend in his head. He had too many memories of nearly losing her.

He had too many memories of her, fifteen years worth of good and bad. She always rode it out, and seeing her in that hospital bed he'd decided to let her have this one. He'd fought her on her desire to leave the military, he had tried to ask her to stay for him and she'd ducked giving an answer.

He wasn't going to fight her on it forever, didn't want to fight with her; he'd sign the damn papers. She had more than earned her retirement package and bore the scars as proof. He was going to miss her though, he had hoped she would be relieved.

Instead he had found her here, he didn't understand what had possessed her to come here. The stairs must have killed her leg, and her last time in this room. It was no wonder the soldiers had been unnerved; he'd been damn terrified.

There was a knock on the door, he looked up to find Elisabeth Shannon standing there. He sighed wearily. "Come in."

"I've got the report you asked for." The woman held out a plex as she sat down. "I am afraid it is not good."

"He's healthy?" Nathaniel asked, the woman's frown deepened. If Lucas was sick maybe some small portion of what he had done was beyond his understanding; somehow insanity appealed more than clear decisions.

"No, he is not. Commander did Lucas experiment with drugs at any time? Specifically stimulants?"

"Not to my knowledge but that doesn't mean much." He sighed, it was more than possible, the boy was genius and very sure of it; downright cocky. The years between Ayani's death and coming to Terra Nova Nathaniel had been away a lot. Lucas had gone to university and taken a course load double what most students signed on for, he knew soldiers had taken stimulants for similar reasons.

"Back in the future, this would have been just after you arrived here, there were a series of deaths related to illegal drug use. The street name was Wicked, heavy users died within six months, occasional users survived a year; sometimes two." Doctor Shannon seemed to be waiting for him to break, to be upset but when it came to his son he was becoming numb; the things he didn't know just kept increasing. And he still wanted to end him; it was a difficult feeling to process.

"Lucas has the symptoms?"

"Yes, the drug worked by opening neural pathways, it opened them but after a few doses it began to destroy them. Especially in certain areas. It also stimulated the body so a person did not feel tired, putting a user in a sort of manic state. He has the marks of advanced decay, his nervous system has been affected and while he is aware of reality it is heavily subjected to his emotions. Commander I can't do anything to counter the progress, I am afraid soon he will reach a point where he will deteriorate rapidly."

The woman looked sad, she felt sorry for him and Nathaniel knew he should feel more than he did. He was sorry, he was sorry for what his son had become, and sorry for what he had done. But that was countered by what he had learned.

"So for him to reach this stage he has been user for a period of time?"

"Yes, likely this environment helped prolong his life but I found the by-products in his organs. It means he hasn't had a dose in a day or so but certain organs have memory; they retain the elements of a drug."

"If it was a stimulant he may have used it to work, to stay awake. He did that when he was a kid, he'd try and stay awake for days on end doing experiments or reading." Nathaniel remembered more than one time Ayani had been happy that he had come home with the news that Washington could take their son for an evening. Wash could tire the kid out, and when she baby sat him they always came home to a child tucked into bed sleeping soundly.

As he had gotten older it had been homework and research books that kept their son up late at night. Then with his mother gone Lucas had gone to a school for gifted children, then university and Nathaniel brought him home whenever he got leave; Lucas always had shadows under his eyes.

"I would guess that he either brought a supply through the portal with him or he figured out how to make it. The drug was addictive, he would have needed a dose and when he couldn't get one he would have deteriorated quickly; likely slipped into fits of rage or depression."

"So he drank." Nathaniel remembered the reports about Lucas and the other soldiers in Boylan's bar. "Unless you have any objections I will keep him in the brig, if you need access for medical reasons I will require two soldiers escort you. Addict, sick or otherwise he has done enough damage; he won't harm anyone else. Only basic medical care."

"I won't argue with you on where he is kept but basic medical care? Commander he is still a human being." The doctor huffed.

"And he is my son. But you and I have both seen his work." Reaching for a plex on the corner of his desk he flicked it on and slid it in front of her; an image of Alicia's back before treatment had done anything filled the screen. "I can't say his suffering bothers me as much as this does, I am not prolonging his life. If it was genetic or environmental we would be having a different discussion. He is an intelligent person and he chose to take a drug, you tell me he still has a grip on reality so he has chosen a good many things that have hurt this colony."

"Damn it he manipulated Skye and he brought the Phoenix here. Twice he nearly killed a woman he has known all his life, a woman who he loved as a child. Do you know how she got her leg sliced open?" A woman Nathaniel loved, he surged to his feet, and he needed to pace again; to move. "Everything he's done and she killed the person who would have killed him; took the damn blow."

He paced the length of the room, pivoted hard and turned back; she could have stopped. Her shot had been clean, the soldier was dying, and it had been a muscle spasm that engaged the laser. She could have stopped, easily could have but she didn't; and Lucas was alive today because of that.

"Yet you relieved her of her authority." The doctor said dryly, he turned back to find her studying him intently. "She spared your son's life then, as I hear it, you spared it on her request and yet you still strip her of her title."

"She wanted out of the military, I argued with her for weeks. How can I tell her no after this?"

"Perhaps you should have used a little more care." The woman gave him a cold smile. "Or let her know you were trying to fulfill her request. I will draw up a treatment plan for Lucas and inform you of his medical needs."

Now both Shannons had questioned his decision. Both had been supportive of Washington having her way, making her own choices up until now and now they were both disgusted with him for doing what she wanted. Even Alicia's reaction hadn't been what he expected.

He resumed pacing as the woman left, now the prisoner situation was mostly sorted he should turn to the enemy that was left in the badlands. Five more were dead, they had left them in the clearing where they fell; scavengers would take care of the bodies. From the information they had some had succumbed to injuries sustained during the occupation and a few had died due to run-ins with the wildlife. He wasn't eager to wait for the rest to do the same.

Yet it was getting to late to do to much more, that left him with the option of going home or going to Alicia's; he didn't think the second option was going to work out well. But he wanted to talk to her, wanted to hold her; wanted to hold her when she would respond in his arms.

…..

Her steri-bin was empty again, and Alicia wasn't sure she was hungry enough to try to get to the market. Yet she knew morning was a long way off, and she couldn't start hiding now. Someone started knocking on her door, Alicia sighed.

If it was Nathaniel she wasn't going to answer. She had seen enough of him today, seen enough of him for a long time. If she could she would avoid him until she got herself straightened out. The man knew how to push her buttons and make her do what he wanted; it wasn't going to work this time. She would make sure of it, even if she had to stoop to avoiding him.

The security showed two people, Alicia frowned and opened the door to Maddie Shannon and Mark Reynolds. The couple looked uncomfortable standing on her step, both eyed the crutch she leaned heavily on.

"Hi, uh, my mum said you came home. We thought you might need groceries or something." Maddie Shannon offered, the young woman put a hand on her boyfriend's arm, as if encouraging him to say something.

"Thanks." It was worth considering, besides getting to the market she was in no mood to argue with the vendors about paying. Still she wasn't keen on having them do her shopping.

"Or if you just want company, we could come in, or walk with you…" Maddie piped up, clearly having waited for Reynolds to have a say. "Mum said she told you walking was okay as long as your injured leg didn't have to bear weight."

Alicia smiled, the visit wasn't an accident, Elisabeth was using her children to try and help her again. Last time it had been Zoe, this time it was Maddie; and she knew how taken Reynolds was with the girl. Her soldier was here because Maddie was. Alicia went to the kitchen and found some taros, she needed groceries then she would get off her feet and follow the doctor's orders.

Maddie filled the walk with conversation, she had been a part of the science team that worked on the ship prow and the time fracture data. She also credited Alicia with a much greater understanding of science that she actually had. Yet having the girl talking meant she didn't have to and so Alicia listened and kept moving.

She was getting used to the crutch and on even ground it wasn't that bad to move, both Maddie and Reynolds were adjusting their pace to match hers. It didn't take long in the market, Alicia gave up with the vendors after the first, she handed Maddie her money and asked her to get the basics.

It left her standing with Reynolds, the soldier had his hands tucked in his pockets staring after his girl. "Make you uncomfortable now do I?"

"No Ma'am." He replied to quickly, she smirked, some of the kids were too easy to read. "I just I heard some things I don't like."

"Are they true?" She sounded calm, inside she felt like turning for her house and not stopping.

"I don't know, I hope not; but I trust Maddie." The young man finally met her eyes. "I wasn't here during the occupation."

"No, you weren't." Presently there were many things he could have heard.

"If he tortured you, he tried to execute you. Why spare his life?" Reynolds' voice held venom. "I guarded him, Taylor was going to do it…"

"What father should kill his own son?" Alicia asked him pointedly, cutting off whatever he was going to say. "War is ugly, no one comes out clean but everyone has to live with what is done. I served before Terra Nova, I've killed; I killed yesterday. I will live with that everyday for the rest of my life. No matter what Lucas has done Taylor shouldn't have to live with the fact he killed his own child to better the colony."

"I hadn't considered it that way." The man said quietly, Alicia realized her tone had hardened as she spoke; she hadn't intended it to sound so harsh.

"Our enemies are human just like us, it's easier to make them into monsters. We've got to hold onto some humanity Reynolds, it's what separates us from mercenaries like the Phoenix." Alicia sighed, it was easier said than done. "Hopefully here we can come back to a place where we only have wild life to fight."

"Yes Ma'am."

She eyed him silently, she thought about telling him but she wasn't ready to face that; not today. Maddie came back and handed over her change, they turned back the way they had come. Both soldiers were quiet on the walk, letting Maddie fill the time; unaware of what had been said.

Maddie made tea and they all sat down, Reynolds pulled his girlfriend close. She realized she'd given him something uncomfortable to think about. But it was something they all had to consider when they made the military their life. Her life was changing, young men like Reynolds weren't going to be looking to her for orders or for guidance; that was going to be an adjustment.

It was much later when she was on her own that it hit her again; she was in for a big adjustment. How much of her life had revolved around her job? A night to sit at home and she hardly knew what to do with herself.

The knock at her door was a surprise and as she went to get it she almost hoped it was Elisabeth, the woman was right; she did need to talk this out. Convinced when the person didn't pound on the door again even though it took her a few moments to it, the woman is always so patient; a skill Alicia envies.

Opening the door without flicking on the security screen Alicia stumbles back; swinging the door shut. One strong hand stops it, patience has never been Nathaniel's strong suit but persistence was and Alicia had wanted to see her friend enough to forget he would come around eventually.

It was careless of her, stupid and careless; she had shut the door in his face this afternoon. Of course he would be back. He was, he had been standing on her step and now he was standing in her front hall; shutting the door behind him.

"Do you have my papers?" She asked weakly, telling herself to stay calm.

"No, the end of the week; few things to clear up first." He stepped forward and she eased back; he stepped around her, a hand reaching out to touch her. "Can we sit Alicia?"

"What do you need?" She try not to grind her teeth, she didn't want to do this, but he couldn't back off for five minutes.

"In the badlands, Reilly thought you said something before you lost consciousness." He sat on her couch and turned, as if waiting for her to sit beside him.

Alicia took the extra steps to the scoop chair, when she looked back she saw his face change quickly to a mask. He wasn't going to let her see what he was thinking, was going to keep her at arms length; fine she'd stay there. "I can't be sure."

They had very qualified doctor and an excellent infirmary; he could figure things out for himself. In her mind she saw the jitters, shallow breathing, dilated pupils, and the wild look in his eye; it wasn't natural. She hadn't been sure until she saw him again, she hadn't been able to trust what she saw until the clearing.

Easing herself back she rubbed the bandage on her leg, what ever Elisabeth had done was effective, it was already itching; a good sign. Taylor rubbing his jaw was not, she'd already figured he had let Lucas live; Reynolds had told her as much.

Her answer was clearly not what he was looking for, he shifted from rubbing his jaw to adjusting his gloves. She wasn't going to give him any more, not now and not for awhile. "Is that everything?"

"No, it's not." She saw it briefly in his eyes, it was; this was an excuse. He was buying himself time and trying to make her talk. "How would you feel if the Sixers were to stay?"

"I haven't given it much thought." She didn't want to either, she didn't want to play this game and sit calmly across from him. That had him rubbing his jaw again, maybe he wasn't doing such a good job at keeping her at a distance; usually the man masked his tells.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

That night played over and over in his head, he'd sat with her for half an hour; her walls never came down. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want to be near him and when she wasn't at work he had very little reason to see her. It didn't stop him from missing her.

He had promised her that he would have her papers by the end of the week, that rolled into the weekend; handing them over was saying good bye. She'd made that clear, what ever had happened between them it was no longer a matter of separating the soldier from the woman; they were a package. And he wasn't quite willing to let her go.

Somehow Nathaniel also knew she wasn't going to come and get them, it would mean coming to the Command Center. Monday morning dawned and he leaned on the rail, watching the hubbub in the market, he had to deal with the Sixers today; and Lucas.

He picked out a familiar figure in the market, the crutch made her distinctive. Sadly he watched her wander the market, her gait slow and the basket made her seem slightly off balanced. Only six weeks ago he would rarely go more than a few hours with out seeing Alicia, and after the occupation that time had shrunk dramatically.

He'd gotten a small taste of being part of her life. He wanted more. He heard the soldiers greeting someone and turned to find Elisabeth Shannon crossing the platform towards him, her eyes shifted to the market and the grim set of her features shifted ever so slightly.

"Something I can do for you doc?" He wasn't going to admit he was caught; ignoring it worked just fine for him.

"I examined Lucas this morning." She said it slowly, it was his cue to motion her into his office; this was a private conversation. She continued when the door shut. "He is deteriorating quicker than I expected. I searched the clothing he came in with and found a packet of powder."

"He's detoxing then." Nathaniel sighed, it was one thing after anther.

"I am afraid not, it is the same drug compound but not the same composition. If he doesn't continue to take it he will not last long; he altered the make up to counter some of the effects of the drug. Taken routinely it has the effects of the drug but slows the process of cell break down."

"And when he doesn't take it cell break down picks up?"

"Rapidly. It has been six days since he arrived and at least that since he had a dose. I can make him comfortable for the end; it won't be long." The doctor didn't mention the other option; synthesizing the drug; and while it crossed his mind he wouldn't do it.

"How long?" Somehow he was numb to it, to the fact he was asking when his son would die. Lucas had hurt too many people, too many people he cared about; people who had become his family.

"A few days, maybe a week. If you want to speak with him I would do so today." The doctor's tone was gentle.

"I don't know that I have anything to say." The only thing he had planned to tell Lucas was that he would be spending the rest of his days in the brig. Maybe it would be easier to mourn him than think about all he had done to the colony.

"Perhaps goodbye?"

"Doctor if I hadn't had my Lieutenant bleeding out behind me I would have said good bye six days ago. The last time I tried to mend things between us he slid a knife between my ribs. I don't know that I've anything to say to him." And he couldn't reveal that it made him a little sick.

The doctor nodded, stood and turned as if to leave; then paused. "Do you have Alicia's papers ready? She mentioned she doesn't have them, there is no need to drag that out."

Nathaniel swallowed hard, the moment he gave those up he gave up his last reason to make her talk to him; he wasn't giving them to the doctor. "How is she?"

"Healing." The woman said quickly, stepping through the door.

He sighed, she made her stance clear in two short conversations. The woman was Alicia's friend, and a friend she trusted; someone she evidently talked to. Why did that bother him? Mostly because he wasn't a part of her life.

Feeling suitably low he took the stairs down to the brig. Before opening the door he took a moment to scan the feed. The Sixers had mostly crowded together on one side; Lucas lay on the other. The doctor was right; the man had deteriorated quickly.

The Sixers on the other hand were looking slightly better, still painfully thin and beat up but not as much as when they arrived. Pressing his palm to the door Nathaniel entered the room, the guards on duty nodded to him; none of the prisoners moved. A sign of what their stay with the Phoenix had done.

"Mira." The woman stood and walked towards him, carrying herself with pride even after six days in lock away.

She held out her wrists and he shook his head, the woman knew she was a problem; trying anything now would be beyond foolish. All the same he kept one hand on his weapon and motioned for her to go first; taking the interior stairs up into the office.

"Didn't fare to well with your employers did you?" He let the jab stay, to her credit the woman did not defend or deny; time had told the story. "Want to tell me how you came to dig your own grave?"

"Not my favorite topic. I guess I should thank your lieutenant; seemed like you were late to the party." Mira still had some grit, and he nodded at that; he didn't deny it. Had Alicia not taken a team out they might not have made it in time to help the Sixers.

"Perhaps you should have helped her some, it might help my decision of what to do with you." He saw the woman stiffen.

Silently he set the plex in front her and flipped on the hologram. Stepping back as a clip began to play, fighting the anger that still raced through him as he watched it. Mira turned her face away as the current running through the woman's beaten body played, in the hologram the Sixer leader stared at the floor. Carter however watched with interest.

"Given what the colony feels for Alicia Washington I do not think anyone would accept the Sixers remaining within the gates." He settled his hip against the table, watching her for any reaction. "I've no problem tossing you outside the gates, your children how ever; that would bother me."

"You can't keep our children here." The woman growled, a reaction.

"As a matter of fact I can, however that is not my intention. You and I both know how hard life can be out there. You picked the wrong side of this war and now you are stuck here. Children shouldn't have to pay that price, but I do not intend to keep them from their families." Though he didn't wonder if he was making the right decision, in the future Terra Nova was going to need a new generation and he hadn't quite figured out how to bring that to the colony's attention.

"I take it you reached the same conclusion Lucas did? No more portal." She was seeking as much as she was telling and he knew what it was to her.

"Is that the conclusion Lucas reached?" If she was in the mood to share he was willing to bargain.

"Lucas rubbed too many people wrong, he passed his point of usefulness." The woman refused to meet his eyes, no doubt knowing she had reached the same point.

"And your employer's cut him loose?" This was a chance to learn a little more about how this survival mission had been bought and exploited.

"There has been no contact in weeks. Our employers are still in 2149, the Phoenix work for them. They are calling the shots now, someone was checking Lucas' work."

Nathaniel was silent for a few moments, it wasn't surprising and so it seemed they had all reached the same conclusion. He sensed Mira was wishing for something else; he wasn't sorry his answer didn't give her that hope.

"The fracture has sealed. It is unlikely a new one will form." On that he did feel some sympathy for her, the woman had done this in an effort to better her daughter's life; how ever misguided it was. "You and your people will be released beyond the gates today. When you have established a camp you may come and collect your children."

The woman eyed him skeptically as he rose, and waited for her to do the same. He knew this allowed them the freedom to return to the Phoenix, but this time no help would come for them. And he didn't think it was what the woman would do.

On some level he understood Mira, while he may not agree with the woman he did believe she would do what was best for her people. It also meant he would have to carefully guard his outposts and supply runs but if that was his only military concern so be it. They had coexisted with the Sixers long enough, and without a spy he had a feeling it would be simpler. Alicia had risked her life to see them survive, he wouldn't change that.

He took Mira back down to the brig and left her to inform her people while he assembled an escort. Word spread quickly and most of the colony assembled as the Sixers were led up from the brig. He watched the reactions as men and women were walked to the gates, soldiers on either side.

When the solid gate had lowered many colonists remained. Someone in the crowd called out a questions he knew was on many minds. "What about their children?"

"A few small children will not strain our resources too much. When they have built a camp they will return for their children. They may not be our friends but they do not have to be our enemies." Nathaniel had easily scanned the crowd and found Alicia watching from the shade of tree, her expression blank.

"If they return to the Phoenix?" Another asked.

"They have no friends there. When they return for their children we will give them to them, if they return to the Phoenix their children will remain within Terra Nova; I do not send children to war." He spoke firmly, intending to settle that issue.

….

She couldn't say his choice surprised her, given the circumstances it did make sense. Alicia watched the reactions around her as people voiced their concerns; not everyone liked the idea of having the Sixers out there again.

As people began to disperse she limped away, heading back for the solitude of her unit. She had passed the week quietly, mostly left alone. Taylor hadn't brought her papers by and she wondered what the hold up was. He had sounded so sure at her bedside a week ago, distant and aloof but when he came to her home that night he had been different.

After that she hadn't had a reason to see him, and she wasn't going to go looking. It was like rubbing salt in an open wound. Someone following her made Alicia glance back, lately she wasn't a hard person to catch. Elisabeth Shannon hurried up.

"You alright?" She asked, Elisabeth looked tired and tense.

"You know the Commander well." Alicia tensed and gave the woman a wary look. "I swear the two of you react to everything like it's a veiled threat. I just need advice."

She nodded and turned to her unit, this conversation would have to happen behind closed doors. A moment later they sat on the couch, Alicia hoping to get this over quickly. The doctor didn't mean it but talking about Nathaniel was poking at a sore spot. Her mind moved too quickly to the few good moments they had shared.

"Lucas Taylor will be dead in a matter of days. I told the Commander this morning." The doctor explained, her voice hollow. "I know you don't want to talk about either of them but I can't see him being as cold to this as he acts."

"He's not, he takes responsibility for Lucas' actions like they are his own. He'll grieve his son." But he would do it privately, not grieving the man he lost but the child who was gone so long ago. This time however he would be alone.

"He isn't going to try and make amends? Talk to him?" She knew the doctor was thinking of what it would be to loose her own child. And while Josh Shannon had caused a bit of trouble Lucas had nearly destroyed the colony Nathaniel had built from the ground up.

"I don't know." She thought not, but couldn't say, when they had last talked Nathaniel had still been furious with his son; this may have changed things.

"Do you need to see him?"

She shivered; she never wanted to see him again. "I might help him along if I saw him again. I know what they say about facing your attacker but this time it won't help."

"I've seen the footage, I don't think any one would blame you for that; most wouldn't have stopped them from killing him." Elisabeth's voice was gentle but one word caught her attention.

"What footage?" Had they recorded what had happened in the treeline?

"The Command Center? Jim said your access code was used to override the system and set the cameras on a timer." The woman's brow knit and Alicia wondered if the color had run from her face; she felt sick.

"There is a video of what happened?" Her voice was hardly more than a whisper.

"Alicia you didn't know?" Elisabeth sounded horrified but slid closer to her.

"All of it?" She really felt sick now, Elisabeth and probably her husband had watched it; that meant Nathaniel had seen it too. She was never going to face him again.

Standing in the Command Center and remembering had been horrible, thinking about people watching it was worse. They had watched it happen, Mira, Carter, Weaver; but that was different. They only knew her as a soldier, they tried to break her; and in some way they had. Now anyone could replay it, at any time and for any reason. Nathaniel hadn't told her, but just maybe he had a good reason; perhaps he had destroyed them.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

Lucas Taylor died late in the evening ten days after being brought back to the colony. Nathaniel took the task of burying his son on alone. Beyond the markers of memorial field, separate from those of the colony and those who had given their lives to protect the colony he buried Lucas.

A plain headstone bearing only a name and the dates, he doubted if any other than him would visit this grave. In twenty four short years his son had done more harm than good, he struggled to mourn the man.

It was a long walk back to the colony and within the gates everyone watched, most were hidden within their homes but there were faces in every window he passed. Entering his home he sighed, never had he felt so alone. He'd buried many people in his life time.

His friends, his men, casualties of war and even his wife; his son was the first he buried alone. Washington was always there, even when she should have been in a hospital somewhere or taking a night off she had always turned up. They'd share a drink and remember the good times.

That wouldn't happen tonight, why should Washington mourn her torturer? He still didn't understand why she had spared his life. And she claimed not to remember but he knew she did; it was just one more thing she wouldn't say. Another sign she could never really trust him.

Nathaniel poured himself a generous drink, this wasn't a good idea; alcohol would only help the memories along. Yet he was so tired of being sober, of pretending it didn't break him. Ten days and he only glimpses of her, he watched for her but she rarely left her unit. Going to the market early in the morning and spending the days inside.

She was moving better, she had ditched the crutch and limped along stubborn as ever; the doctor no doubt argue that. Any time she was in the market some of the soldiers would stop her, they looked to her and he knew she had told a few that she was done. It was making the rounds of the colony and no one was happy.

But did they honestly think he was happy? She had a measly four years left until she'd hit the twenty and he had figured he'd loose her then; not now. Did they think he gave up the only part he had her in his life because he wanted to? No, but after everything that had happened, after every thing his son had done it wasn't right to deny her the right to retire. He'd been putting too much on her shoulders for years, relying on her because Wash didn't let him down.

When he tried to think of his son he saw her, her back torn, bloodied and burned, her face bruised; her body falling back from that shot. He tried to think of his son as a boy and he remembered clenching his hand around her thigh slick with blood. Lucas had done that to a woman he'd known as a boy, and that was the replay stuck in his head.

He poured another drink, dead Lucas was not a threat to the colony or to this world. Lucas couldn't hurt anyone else now. Yet he thought of the woman who had been hurt, nearly killed three times as she tried to protect the citizens of Terra Nova from his son.

She was never far from his mind, but just beyond his reach. He didn't just want her. No, Nathaniel was slowly growing more confident in the fact he needed her. Not for the colony, not for the reasons that were acceptable to him. He needed her because without her he felt alone, more alone than when he had lost his wife; because she had been there. More alone than after a hundred odd days out here, she'd been the first face he had seen.

Nathaniel could cope with her retiring, he couldn't cope with her running out of his life. His steps weren't as sure as usual as he moved to his counter, those damn papers had gone everywhere with him since he filled them out. He'd sign, he'd sign them off and hand them over; but she was going to talk to him first.

…..

Alicia woke to someone pounding on her door, she'd hardly crawled out of bed when she heard the door open and shut; heavy steps in the hall. Somehow she knew who it was, she scrambled for the pajamas she had kicked off in the night; it really shouldn't surprise her.

Nathaniel opened her bedroom door as she pulled the top over her head; the pants still lay in a heap at her feet. He paused, for a moment she thought he was going to step back; she yanked the pants up her legs. He had been drinking; she didn't blame him. She followed him to the living room, started to turn to the chair; his arm wrapped firmly around her middle.

"Sit with me." His voice was hardly more than a whisper, Alicia allowed him to pull her down onto the couch.

His strong grip was unrelenting as he brought her to his chest but his hands were almost gentle when he settled her. One wrapped around her ribs didn't squeeze or shove, the one on her pulled steadily until she was tucked into his lap. Her instincts said to fight but her emotions were different.

He was hurting and there was nothing anyone could do to fix that; he had lost his son. Alicia hadn't seen him since the night she came home, her information had come through Elisabeth, some of the soldiers and old friends. Nathaniel was struggling.

His hand slid from her hip, digging in the pocket of his pants until he produced a packet of papers and shoved them into her lap. Slightly crinkled and out of order Alicia unfolded her discharge package, she looked to the bottom of the page and sighed; he hadn't signed them.

"I want you to be happy Alicia but I don't want to let you go." His arms tightened around her then, like smooth steel holding her tightly. "Give me another chance."

His quiet words rolled in her head, he was the man who always gave another chance. He had been a part of her life for so long, and he was asking for another chance. She was the one who had asked him if there was a chance for them; it had taken a matter of weeks for it to come apart.

"I am trying to do what you wanted Wash, and I hate it! I miss having you there, I hate when you won't look at me; won't talk to me. If you don't want to deal with the military anymore I'll deal with it but don't walk out on me." His tone edged on desperation and he cheek pressed against her shoulder; his breath tickling her neck.

She was silent, he hadn't signed them but he still figured she should go. She should leave the military, the only job she really knew but she should stay with him; a constant reminder of her old life. Elisabeth's warning came back all to clear, it would only hurt her, his words hurt her as often as they encouraged her.

Even now he was stopping just shy of giving her orders, he was lonely and he was drunk so he came to her. And as stupid as it was she still cared. When she was hurt and lonely it was a toss up as to whether he would be beside her and supportive or a whirl wind angry and barking off orders.

He argued that he wanted her to come back to the job when she wanted to leave, when she caved to him, he turned around and handed over her discharge papers. He'd taken his sweet time with those and hadn't even signed them. He didn't tell her things, but expected her to tell him everything. And he wanted a chance.

"I already told you I won't follow orders in my personal life." Her voice came out much softer than intended; but his head perked up and she knew she had his full attention. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a commander."

He let out a slightly choked sound and she felt guilty for her words; but he had to understand this. If there was any chance of them he had to get a grip on it. "I might spend it with the man beneath the title."

He stared at her and she sighed, it might take him a while to sort that one through and probably meant she was going to deal with plenty more of his snits. But Alicia could color it any way she wanted, she had missed him and missed a lot more than the job in the days she hadn't seen him.

Shifting in his arms she pressed her mouth to his, tasting whiskey and him; she could learn to deal with the man. But he was going to have to learn to step away from the job. His hands shifted, one buried in her hair and the other splayed on her back, both keeping her close as he took control. His mouth slanted across hers possessively, the contact between them making her body ache.

When he had started this weeks before he had been gentle, each exploring the other; seeing if they reacted. He knew she reacted to him now and she knew he was using that. Intentional or not his mouth was marking her, he was reminding her that she did want this for better or worse.

His hands slid to frame her rib cage and his eyes held hers as he shifted them back. They broke apart as he stretched out, pulling her with him; pinning her between his chest and the couch. She chose not to be idle, slipping her arms around his neck and pillowing her cheek on his shoulder.

"Mine." He kissed her again and Alicia arched into him, it had been so long since her body felt this good. His body pressed solidly against her, his hands stroking her side possessively. She could be his, but he would be just as much hers, she liked being in his arms.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

He woke to sunlight streaming through a window and realized he was not in his unit. Instead he was at Alicia's, concern curled in his gut, he'd been drinking last night and he'd been angry. Nathaniel swallowed hard, he may have just made things worse.

A soft sound made him look down, he was propped on the edge of the couch, between him and the padded back Alicia slept; one arm thrown around him. She looked so peaceful and content lying there and Nathaniel closed his eyes; letting the day before play in his mind.

He'd buried Lucas he realized, and come back to the colony to try and drink it away. He remembered two shots clearly, the first and the last; the last to give him courage. He'd come over here and she'd listened, then said something that had nearly stopped him in his tracks.

She had kissed him, he'd curled her in his lap and asked for another chance. He'd grabbed onto that and held on tight, kissing her back, kissing her again. He would have to fix this and fast, they could try to do this in secret but with so many people around it wouldn't work well. She needed time, time to trust him, time to see that he could be what she wanted. Damn if he ever backed down from a challenge; she'd handed him the fight of his life.

She stirred beside him and he watched as she stretched before curling back into him. He shifted his hand to cup her cheek, Alicia looked up at him and a hesitant smile played at her lips. They'd do this right.

"Alicia marry me." It was the only way he could think to do this right.

"What?" She looked stunned.

"We announce to the colony that we will marry. Marry me and let me learn to make you happy. We are going to fight, you have to know that but we don't play games and we don't give up. I want to be with you." And if he knew he'd come home to her he wouldn't feel the tightness in his gut when he wondered when he'd see her again.

"But…" She started and drifted off, he could see the hesitation in her eyes.

"Alicia I lost my son about ten years ago, this place was his second chance as much as ours. We're still here, and after what he has done I can't miss him, right now I miss you. I need to know that I get to see you tonight, tomorrow; that I get to hold you." He nearly growled the last of that as he leaned down to kiss her again; her chin tipped up to meet him.

"Okay." She whispered against his lips.

Nathaniel felt as though he had finally got something right when he heard that. The next couple weeks wouldn't be easy, he didn't kid himself on that; but he knew she would try just as much as he would. They could make it work, they'd put up with each other long enough.

And at one time he had known how to treat a woman right; that wasn't too far in the past for him to pull it out. It would be different this time, Alicia was as much a soldier as he was; he was going to have to learn what her boundaries were. But he wanted this more than anything else.

….

A few weeks, she had agreed to marry him in a few weeks because he promised to try. They had resolved nothing, and the unsigned papers on her coffee table didn't answer any of her questions. But waking up in his arms had felt so good; so right.

He wanted to make her happy but he could cut her down without a word. He was right, she knew him, had known him for fifteen years; within the context of the military. Alicia stared out the window, it took a moment to agree and a moment to second guess herself.

It was a lot of things, there was a lot of history between her and Nathaniel both good and bad. But she respected him and that gentle side of him she already loved. In a matter of weeks she'd be married to the man if things went to his schedule.

She left the house only because she couldn't bear to sit still any longer. Glancing furtively around for Elisabeth she headed for the patrol route. It seemed like the woman had an extra sense for when she was disobeying one of the doctor's orders. But movement helped her think, and she had a lot to think through; she'd pay for it later.

Patrols walked the interior fence dawn and dusk, the path was worn smooth not only from the foot patrols but training. She made her unit run this route with full gear at least once a week. They hated it but were better for it. It used to be that she walked this patrol to start and end each day, usually with Nathaniel.

It had never been personal, never been anything other than the job. A time to debrief, review the coming tasks and address the issues of command. She found the route relaxing, if not for her leg she would do several rounds at a steady jog.

Today however her pace was slow, her focus on the things playing through her mind. There was the logistics of any new relationship but between them there was so much more. It didn't help that some parts of her memory were still hazy.

She had got up the nerve to talk to Elisabeth about it once, after the woman told her there were tapes of the occupation. She wished that bit of info had come from Nathaniel. Alicia needed him to trust her, she might not be at her best but a gust of wind wasn't going to pin her down. The doctor didn't think recovering her memory would be a one shot deal, dealing with the back lash wasn't going to be simple either. And so she had agreed to work on it.

As she came back around to the market Alicia leaned against a post, watching people bustle about. One interaction caught her eye, she watched a vendor refuse a sale; she didn't need to hear the words to know they were cruel. Silently she pushed off the post and cut through the market, wishing her leg would bear weight better.

"Stop." The vendor straightened up as she approached, the young woman who had turned away paled but stopped. Alicia stopped and nodded to the abandoned basket filled with basic provisions. "Can she pay?"

The man spluttered some excuse; he wouldn't sell to scum. "What am I? Is my money good enough for you?"

Fishing a handful of taros from her pocket she waited for a response. The blood drained from the man's face, she knew he hadn't expected to be called out; she wondered how many others had been making life difficult for the Tates. The vendor shook his head, she fixed him with a glare as he shoved the basket towards her.

"How much?" Some had been giving her a hard time about paying since everything had happened; this man had been happy to pocket her money. Apparently the vendors had been giving Skye and her mother an entirely different hassle.

He mumbled a price and she dumped the coins on the table, he wanted the money then he could pick it up. Alicia grabbed the basket and turned, leaving the vendor scrambling to pick up the coins, her jaw set and eyes cold; any who dared meet her gaze got the message. Beside Skye she nudged the basket against her, the young woman fumbled to take her the load.

"Chin up." Alicia put a hand on her shoulder, motioning that the young woman should walk with her.

"Here." Skye held out a handful of coins as they neared the edge of the market.

"I don't need your money." Alicia knew the girl didn't live far from the market, with everything that had happened she hadn't had a chance to see Deborah since they learned the woman wasn't dead. "Have they been giving you a hard time since the occupation or before?"

"It's not a big deal." The young woman squeaked, Alicia glanced over to study her.

She had been caught up in her own problems, during the occupation Skye had played the other side to gain information; to try and protect her friends. But from what she had been told her loyalties had stayed with Taylor; she'd acted as a spy to preserve her mother's life. It wasn't right but then the kid had just lost one parent.

Skye was pale and scrawny, she'd lost weight in the past few weeks and Alicia couldn't think of any other time she had seen her out with the colony. She was coming in invitation or not. If the vendors in the market had been refusing to sell to the young woman she wanted to know; and it would end.

Alicia had served with Deborah's husband for nearly two years before he fell ill, she had trained him and he had excelled in the military; his daughter had the same potential. She shadowed Skye into the kitchen and looked around, one good thing about the open concept kitchens was she didn't have to snoop to see how they were. The kitchen was bare, it was one thing for the steri-bin to be empty, hers was more often than not; but it was another to have no dry goods what so ever.

That wasn't an accident and it made her angry. Skye had made some poor choices but Terra Nova was a place for fresh starts; shunning the girl wasn't right either. "Do you have the money for groceries?"

"Yes. We're fine." Skye answered her too quickly, the girl was lying.

"Her apprenticeship won't let her attend anymore." A weak voice carried from the other room, Alicia turned and moved towards it.

Deborah Tate lay on the couch, the woman didn't look much better than when Curran dragged her through the gates. Alicia frowned, lack of food may be part of that. "How long has this been going on?"

"It's not a big deal." Skye mumbled, staring at the floor. She knew Nathaniel had a soft spot for the girl, knew he was angry about what she had done; but he wouldn't allow this. Not if he knew about it.

"I'll straighten out your apprenticeship and I'll be by in the morning; I'll need groceries as well." Her eyes narrowed, she needed to have a few words with Taylor.

Alicia turned for the door, Skye moved quickly to block her way; if not for her limp the girl wouldn't have had time. "Why do you care? Why don't you just ignore us like every one else?"

"I took an oath, I swore to protect this colony and I don't pick and choose who that includes."

"If I hadn't helped Lucas he wouldn't have had the chance to torture you." The girl's voice was faint.

"Maybe not, but that doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter? Your back is covered in scars; everyone knows." The last words made her gut tighten; no everyone did not know. They couldn't.

"I've got a lot of scars, gave up my vanity about that a long time ago. My humanity how ever I hold onto; it's what keeps me human. You might want to think about that; carrying a chip on your shoulder only holds you down." Alicia put a hand on her shoulder and moved the girl aside.

Just because she knew all that didn't make it easy; saying it was only one thing. Living it was another. Alicia returned to the market, glared at the vendor she had dealt with for a long moment; then turned for the Command Center. It was tempting to hover at the bottom until Nathaniel came down, or wait to discuss this later; neither option was appropriate.

"Washington." A familiar voice called as she was about to put a foot on the stairs; relieved Alicia turned.

Nathaniel rounded the building, he must have been in the eye; his posture showed his sadness. She realized what he had been doing. There was a voice code and DNA response required in order to update or access the hard files of the eye; only two people in the colony were able to access it. To enter a new file only one was required; to change an existing one both were needed.

Nathaniel was one and she was the other and she wondered if it really couldn't have waited a few days. He would have forced himself to relive it all, she didn't doubt that; his record would be honest and detailed no matter how much it hurt him. As he approached her his arm straightened as if to guide her away from the stairs. "You can always reach me over the com."

"My temper has always been able to override my fears." She replied softly; she hoped he didn't want to walk far.

He smiled slightly at that, gesturing for her to sit in the shade of the building; gripping her elbows as she lowered herself with one leg out stretched. It was an awkward movement but with him stabilizing her it was easier. "Don't tell me I've got your temper up again?"

"Have you addressed Skye's issue?"

"Alicia I had no choice but to terminate her apprenticeship in the infirmary, it put her in contact with to many colonists whose opinions will only cause more harm. The goal of the apprenticeship program is that the kids are successful. Elisabeth Shannon aside she wasn't wanted there. Agricultural detail is temporary, she is going to have to give it time and earn back a little trust." He sighed and she knew this was still bothering him; he had jumped to the defensive to quickly.

"Agricultural detail isn't working. And vendors in the market haven't been selling to her." Her tone revealed more than she wanted and he turned sharply. "Agricultural detail hasn't been giving her hours; Deborah told me. The two of them are skin and bone."

"Vendors I can deal with." He sighed rubbing his jaw. "Apprenticeship gets touchy, Elisabeth would have kept her on with restricted access but too many people over there don't want her. Some think I should have thrown her out with the Sixers."

"I may have given the vendors a lesson." Alicia told him, seeing the muscle jump in his jaw and quickly recounted the interchange.

"I don't know where to place her. I don't trust her Alicia but I don't think she would have done it if they hadn't had her mother. She is going to have to prove her loyalty to the colony; all of them."

"She could join security, her father was good and she has the potential. It's a way to keep a close eye on her and put her to work; anyone mistreating her would answer directly to you." Alicia tossed the idea out and saw a light in his eyes. "And we'd know about any trouble."

Corporal Tate had been a good soldier, his daughter was a lot like him. And with everything that had happened even if Skye had learned her lesson it was a way to keep an eye on her and on those she worked with. Given time she figured the girl would prove her loyalty was with the colony, the Sixers having her mother was putting the girl between a rock and a hard place. It was fine for the colonists to say what she should have done, but Alicia knew most have never been in a situation with that much on the line.

"She'd be the only recruit. I can't spare the time for basic training." He had straightened, and she could see him going through a process in his head; running through the people qualified to run basic training.

It was a short list, Nathaniel himself could but rarely did, he had enough obligations. Guzman was still in the field monitoring the Phoenix, and then her. Alicia usually took care of basic training, drills, and survival training as well as annual skill retraining. Her unit got extra attention and she knew there were days they regretted being assigned to her; but they were all damn good at what they did.

"I could train her." She blurted it out and blue eyes met hers, something masked in his expression; yet he didn't throw it back at her. "I could start with the book work, move up to physical; by the time she is ready for drills I'd be fine."

It took six to eight months to put a recruit through basic, specialized skills came after that. Alicia had been assigned to a special ops team, she had a list of specialized skills behind her name and every one of them would be a benefit to the colony. Skye was sturdy and she could learn, when they got to skills it wouldn't hurt to pull in a few other soldiers anyways.

He didn't say a word but she saw the irritation in his expression and his posture. She almost waited for the argument, until she realized he was trying to hold it back; he had given her the discharge orders last night. "Nathaniel you didn't sign off; those orders are null and void."

The man's frown deepened, she could almost see him trying to go back to the night before. It was very rare that he was wrong. "You could have told me."

"I had other things on my mind." She replied softly, thinking of the words he had been saying as he shoved those papers at her. "And I didn't like being discharged."

"Do you really think I wanted you to leave? I argued for you to stay." He looked so hurt, the man had no idea what his words had felt like to her.

"You told me I was out two minutes after I woke up. I asked you for time!" She nearly yelped. "You wanted an answer and I asked for time, I wanted to know if the portal was closed, if this was going to turn into another drawn out war. How many people I cared about, how many kids I trained was I going to see die? I can't relive the wars of the past Nathaniel. I couldn't handle the idea of the colony being occupied again. I can't surrender again."


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six**

The absolute torture in her voice cut him to his core. It was exactly what he had said it was, only it was more. It wasn't a career decision she had made in a vulnerable state it was the pressure heaped on, the physical pain and the past. His only thought to the past had been Alicia powering through it beside him.

She'd been tortured before, she survived. She'd been injured before and survived, she had seen the some of the worst of human depravity but she hadn't faced it all again. Not until the Phoenix, and in a few short days had been shoved through every instance again.

Time, it was the simplest thing and it was a luxury they had. A luxury he wanted with her. Nathaniel didn't care that they were in public, didn't give a damn who saw. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close; resting his chin on her hair.

He had seen that last mission as force, she had been the most experienced soldier left in the colony; she had led the team out to find them. He hadn't considered that she had chosen to, hadn't asked either. He didn't want to see her forced to do it again, so he'd fulfilled her request. It hadn't helped.

"Bring me those papers Wash." He whispered softly, his arms still around her. "I'll burn 'em."

And he would enjoy doing it. She stayed nestled against his chest for a few moments and he was in no hurry to have her move. The woman could send him spiralling with a look, when she was hurt she was oblivious to what it made him feel; unaware of the fierce urge to protect her and the incredible anger he felt. He wasn't sure on when his grip on control had shifted, but he was going to learn to deal with it; because he wouldn't trade this for anything.

She did pull away, mumbling something. "That will be making the rounds in an hour."

"We could give them some bigger news." News he had realized he was really looking forward to sharing.

"Not yet, Nathaniel I know what I said but do we have to tell everyone today?" Brown eyes pleaded with him, Nathaniel traced his thumb down her cheek; privately he felt that was even more thrilling.

"I was thinking we could let everyone know you are staying on." He murmured in her ear, he could wait to tell them she was marrying him; as long as she turned up on the day.

"Or we could leave both well enough alone. People know how to take a hint." Alicia didn't pull away from his touch, letting his palm cup her cheek; his thumb tucked under his jaw. "You should get back to it."

He should, but didn't want to. Nathaniel wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do at this moment but turn back to the job was not on the list. Taking Alicia home, coaxing her into talking a little more, doing anything to distract himself from how he spent the morning would appeal.

"I will see you tonight?" But that was not a privilege he had.

She nodded, between them there was a lot to figure out. As easily as he could begin to sort it out in his head he had a feeling it would earn him that sad look. She didn't want to live with a commander and he couldn't blame her; at one time he had known how to step away from the job. He needed to learn that again.

Nathaniel walked her to her door before returning to the Command Center, he would put the personal side out of his mind as much as possible for the next few hours. Get the work done and go home then he would put work away and focus on her.

He was still behind on reading the plexs that had piled up during his OTG trip, and the pile only kept growing. A good third of them he would usually pawn off on Alicia, and it brightened his mood knowing that would again be an option. The Command Center was quiet without her.

With their environment shifting again and the hot season approaching Nathaniel had a lot to sort out. It was only a matter of time before Malcolm Wallace began pestering him with expedition requests; the hot season was breeding season for a number of species he could care less about. The colony's energy use would also peak and with the damage from the occupation their power sources all needed an inspection; many would need repairs.

There was the nagging problem of the Sixers, he had no doubt they would be a nuisance once again; the Phoenix also must be considered. Nathaniel jotted each point down on a plex as he sorted through the pile on his desk. Some of this was department requests that could wait; could wait for months if the need be. Others were added to the list and pulled out.

….

He looked tired as he walked through her front door, it had been a long and trying day she imagined; and the alcohol last night would not have helped things. Alicia set a coffee on the far side of the island, he nodded and came over, dropping onto the stool across from her.

Nathaniel was studying her as he sipped his coffee, Alicia shifted a little under his gaze. Busying herself with prepping vegetables for the meal she had planned to make later she felt uncomfortable. Usually conversation was easy between them; but there was so much to sort out.

She finished with the vegetables but it was too early to start cooking, covering the bowl she set them in the steri-bin and began to look for something else to do. There were a few dishes, as she turned back to the counter a hand caught her wrist, Nathaniel drew her towards him.

He sat back down and silently brought her closer until she stood between his knees; his hands moved to her sides. "Can we talk?"

Alicia nodded, suddenly she felt so much between them; they had to sort it out. But where did they start, and how long would it take before one of them got angry? However it worked out when he got angry he would retreat behind the protection of his rank; it was his habit. She couldn't deal with that, not tonight.

"Where do we live?" She asked, start in the future and get him talking before hitting the hard topics.

"We could live here, or move into my unit, or take one that can be ours. Eventually I would like to take a new unit that can be ours, or renovate an existing one; something that will make it belong to the both of us." His answer was honest and actually more thoughtful than she expected.

"I think ours are both about the same, they were built in the first round." Alicia felt herself relax ever so slightly.

"This one is closer to the Command Center, and it's got a bit of a yard." He weighed the options. "I haven't got much to move either, might make sense to settle in here."

"Okay." She nodded as she spoke; that was one thing. It had been relatively easy, she tugged his hands and he stood; she wanted to sit.

They moved their chat to the couch, slowly working through topics and treating it like a planning session; moving closer to the real issues. He was being agreeable, and cooperative but she saw him bite his tongue more than once; he was also being cautious. She didn't blame him, she was following the same instinct. It was going to take time before things between them became easy again.


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

Nathaniel sipped his coffee, regardless of the fact they planned to marry in the near future, he had softened the timeline; he still slept on her couch. It wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as other places he had known in his life. And he was feeling better about their relationship; that was worth many nights on a couch.

She stepped out of the bedroom with her hair still falling around her shoulders, her dark tank top was absent, instead she wore a pale blue top and black cargo pants. Nathaniel couldn't deny she looked different, but beautiful as he poured a coffee for her.

"When do you plan to give Skye the new assignment?" He asked, pleased as she selected some fruit for her breakfast.

He had mentioned that her weight loss bothered him, Alicia was always slender but it had been going to far as of late. She was doing upper body workouts again and since his uncomfortable revelation he had noticed her making the effort to eat more. He would feel better when her muscles built up again. He knew having one leg wrapped was really starting to get to her, but the doctor knew keeping the wrap on limited her use of the leg; it had hardly been two weeks.

"I assumed you would tell her." She frowned at him, when Skye started basic he knew that was going to be the unofficial green light for her to give up even trying to follow the doctor's orders. There was no way she'd make a month let alone six weeks.

"We could do it this morning?" It would be the answer to one of the questions buzzing around the colony.

"I have to see Elisabeth." Her tone changed and he looked over to find her staring at her coffee.

"Routine?" It made sense that she needed to check in with the doctor; but there was no shame in that.

"Ah, kind of; its six months from my birthday." Her cheeks flushed slightly and he frowned, he knew when her birthday was; and it was six months to the day. His blank look must have done it but her face turned a brighter shade of red. "My birth control, every six months I get the shot, standard health plan for women over nineteen."

"Right." He replied quickly, and something he wasn't to have any say in; he could tell by her face. "That won't take long, I could wait then we could go and see Skye?"

She was embarrassed to tell him, and he figured he should be reassured that she was taking precautions; he was looking forward to their wedding night. And he was holding onto that tradition, because if he was asked he was going to answer honestly; it was a matter of honor. Yet a memory came to mind unbidden, a little girl informing him the woman he was looking at wanted a baby. Now was not the time to think of that; this was far too new.

"Uh, I'm going to talk to Elisabeth." She murmured as he pulled things back together; that should not be on his mind at all. He nodded, he could wait while she visited with her friend, if it was more than a few moments he could work from a plex or his com. "She's trying to help me sort out my memory."

"After lunch?" He had scanned colony financials, he'd like to get Skye under contract soon and get her account built up a bit. It would be awhile until Deborah could work again and the colony had nothing in place for disability as of yet; everyone had a job.

"Nathaniel I don't want to see anyone today." She sounded frustrated and he studied her closely; there was a little bit of panic in her eyes. "It might be a good night for you to go home."

He frowned, he didn't like that idea whatsoever. She was obviously worried about this and found the concept upsetting; it did not seem like a good night for her to be left alone.

"I might have to work late." Space however might help, it was bitter thought but some of what she had to work out related closely to him; other things were his fault.

She glared but didn't argue. "I need to go."

He wanted to walk her to the infirmary, he didn't want their morning to end like this. He had been trying hard to do what she wanted, to talk things out, but he had to recognize the double standard. And he had to try and live with it, some of her problems couldn't be talked out; she could hardly name them.

Nathaniel made a quick choice and blocked the door as she got her jacket. "Please call me if you want company this afternoon."

She eyed him for a moment and then nodded, he stepped aside and let her go. It was going to be a very long day for him. He knew the doctor cared about her and would be gentle in helping her through her memories but he hated the idea of her being alone after. Though he had to consider that Elisabeth Shannon may have already addressed the problem; Zoe was a handy solution.

Yet that would depend on Alicia's mood. He wished he believed she would call for him if she needed company. But he didn't trust that, in fact he half suspected he was going to override her locks to get in tonight; and he would do that if need be.

He hated that this was not something that he could make easier, he couldn't shoulder some of it; in fact he felt like he may have added to it. He tried to remember she was strong, she would get through it in time. He feared what it would do to her first.

…..

Nathaniel had been right, the shot had taken less than a minute, but it was the discussion after that left her feeling cold and empty. It was the first session and Elisabeth had listened and taken notes as she created at timeline from the day Nathaniel left until she had come home.

There were too many holes, details were missing every where but so were entire events. She had heard about them since, and some she had tried to insert; the doctor called her on it. Talking about it had made her feel sick but it was harder yet to relive it in her head.

Elisabeth had been gentle, Alicia had been through psych therapy before; it could have been a lot worse. There were an entire barrage of tests that could be used to force her to remember and should the commander ask for it as a member of the military she would be forced to submit to it; before Terra Nova the brass had done it more than once. She knew he wouldn't do that, he had been on the other side and hated it; he wouldn't do it to her.

Instead it had been a conversation, recalling events, details where she could; the reasons for decisions. From that they had a timeline, Elisabeth had given her a copy to work with. If she recalled anything before next week she was to write it down. Elisabeth encouraged her to share it with Nathaniel, some of it he might be able to help with; she needed to think about that.

There was the risk that this wouldn't work at all, and then she would have to weigh her options. How badly did she want her memory intact? She sat in her home and tried to push that thought back; this way would work.

Yet now she couldn't bear to be still, her mind kept drifting back to that; to the holes. Alicia pushed to her feet and started to pace, Nathaniel had taken his plexs with him, and she was not going to face the colony today. She glanced around her home, if he was going to move in he'd need space for his things.

She hadn't cleaned since before the occupation, it had been Nathaniel and Shannon who put this place back together; she hadn't bothered with it too much since. First she made space in the closet and drawers, Alicia wasn't much for fashion so her clothes were comfortable and practical; there was plenty of space for his.

Cleaning was relaxing in a way, she found some small things missing, but if the place had been trashed they were probably destroyed. It didn't bother her much, the things she valued had made it through. The pieces with sentimental value, the ones that held memories of her family; parts of her past that were good. It would be nice to see his things mixed through, it would start to feel real.

Unable to stay still Alicia glanced outside to see the sun was setting, he had said he would work late; but soon he would come here. She doubted he would do as she asked this morning and was secretly glad of that; being alone wasn't helping her. She started supper and waited, watching through the window as many colonists began to make their way home for the day.

Nathaniel didn't come. Night began to settle and she wondered if she could call him; he had said she could. But it didn't feel right, if he had done what she suggested was she not playing the game in asking him to come back? Though he could be caught up in his work, before it had not been unusual for the two of them to work late at night on projects; he was handling all of it on his own.

He might come she reassured herself, and fixed him a plate before she nibbled her own supper; her appetite non existent. He was on her about her weight, and in a sense she understood it; she had never been shy about food. But then she had also been much more active, her job was physical and it made her hungry.

It was before the occupation that she could last remember feeling hungry, and there were a lot of reasons mixed in. Pain, worry, nerves, alcohol and medication but mostly she hadn't been doing anything; it wasn't intentional. And she couldn't deny it was beginning to show, when she could get back to working out and training the units it would help. Alicia stretched out on the couch to wait, she wasn't entirely sure the doctor hadn't messed with her head just a bit in how she spoke about her and Nathaniel; then maybe they really were starting to build something new.

….

Nathaniel was pleased when he tried her door and found it open, he wasn't sure what her mood would be tonight; this morning she had been nervous and distant. It had been on his mind all day and he'd tried to look at it from every angle.

It wasn't going to be easy for her. He just couldn't see how to get her to let him help her without making her angry. The woman could be so independent and stubborn. Said woman was currently stretched out on the couch asleep, usually she looked peaceful in her sleep but tonight her body held the tension of the day.

He frowned as he watched her shifting, he hadn't noticed her moving in her sleep before. He noticed a covered plate on the counter and a dirty one in the sink. His stomach growled, he had learned one thing; Alicia knew how to cook. He hoped it was for him, he hadn't bothered with lunch today; he'd been preoccupied wondering if she would call him.

Nathaniel felt something tighten in his chest as her body jerked and nearly propelled her off the couch; she let out a pained whimper. Food forgotten he moved to her, his hand had barely touched her shoulder when she jerked away; this time the cry was angry.

She writhed in the spot and bit her lip so hard he thought it would bleed; her entire body was trembling. She was having a nightmare. The realization made his mind race, would she recognize his touch? Or was she in a place where it would only panic her more? He remembered the afternoon they got back and he'd found her in the Command Center, she had been awake and the memories had still nearly paralyzed her.

"Alicia, you are safe." He spoke loudly, trying to keep his tone gentle and free of the panic he felt, he desperately wanted her to snap out of it; his hand brushed her arm. Alicia jerked away, pressing her body into the couch as if to hide herself. It wasn't right, she shouldn't cower or pull away; she'd fight back. She should be lashing out at him, he remembered her rule as he said the words. "Wash snap out of it! That's an order soldier!"

"Washington!" His tone held all the authority he could muster and her eyes flew open; wide and full of panic. Instantly he felt himself soften, something between them shifted and his tone was gentle this time. "Alicia, you are safe, you are at home and it is over."

Tears raced down her cheeks and she reached out to him, Nathaniel folded her into his arms. Her clothing was damp with sweat and her body was still trembling slightly. He folded her frame into his, quiet as he let her cry, one arm clamped around her back; he wasn't sure he could let her go if he had to. His other hand ran through her hair, trying to soothe her.

"Was this the first?" His voice was hardly a whisper, he didn't want to think she had been going through it over and over; he couldn't think he would have slept through it. But he needed to know.

"No." She sighed, then frowned. "Well, yes. It was the first like that; it hasn't been that vivid before."

"Why didn't you wake me?" How had he slept through it? He was a light sleeper, he had thought he had been aware of every time she was up in the night.

"You weren't here." She didn't look at him and he felt her stiffening. "They started after I had to think about doing something else."

They started after he tried to take away the last piece of the life she was used to; it felt like a punch in the gut. They'd started when he'd left her alone, and when she'd been alone tonight she'd had another; when she thought he wasn't here.

"I'm sorry Alicia." He breathed into her ear; pressing her cheek to his. His arms wrapped tightly around her, probably holding her too tightly but he couldn't let her go.

"I thought you'd gone home." She whispered and he loosened the arm he had around her shoulders he saw her eyes; she looked so sad.

"My home is going to be where you are." He pulled her back to rest against his cheek. "You aren't going to have to deal with it alone."


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Alicia stood with Elisabeth as the Sixers were escorted out of the colony with their children. She knew she was not alone in fearing for those little ones, this was a harsh land; and the colony lived in relative luxury.

Soon they would be forced to adapt, there were no more supplies coming to them, but the world they lived in was rich; they would have to learn to use it. For many the adjustment would be huge, having lived in and out of hot zones for most of her adult life Alicia savored the luxuries when she had them but was well used to doing without.

The greatest concern would be medicine. They had the resource of the eye, telling them how to build or source everything they'd had in the future; as well as a record of the mistakes made in the previous world. The challenge would be doing it, and doing it while preserving their world.

"You've been working that leg." Elisabeth commented, pulling her from her thoughts as she watched the gates lower. "You've fought those bandages so hard you can straighten it."

"Should be well on its way by now." She murmured, feeling slightly embarrassed the doctor had noticed; staying off her feet for six weeks was impossible. "It's not like the bone was broken."

"No just skin, muscles, tendons and ligaments sliced with a laser." The woman sighed, maybe she would be a little more careful the next time she went for a walk. "C'mon. Let me redress that."

"Can't I have a brace?" Elisabeth looked at her and sighed, Alicia knew she was pushing her luck.

"Let me look at it first, I've no hope of keeping you off it do I?" They turned towards the clinic, Alicia glanced up to see Nathaniel watching them from the Command Center. She knew the day had not been easy for him, and this would worry the man; she tried to smile so he would know she was alright.

At the infirmary Elisabeth put her in a private room near the back and disappeared to get supplies. Alicia slipped out of her cargo pants, easing them over the bandages covering the majority of her thigh. As she waiting she noticed that the bandages showed the wear from her moving her leg, loosened in some spots and bunched up in others; she had mostly been ignoring them.

Elisabeth noticed within about five seconds of stepping into the room. "Didn't I only change these a few days ago?"

"Yes." It wasn't worth playing stupid, the doctor had changed them the day before she had done the memory exercise; Alicia hadn't seen her since. They had argued a little over her coming in to have the bandages changed; she was perfectly capable of doing it herself.

Free of the bandages Alicia felt a little sad looking at her leg, it was pale with an angry red line running along it; and getting weaker every day she didn't work. The doctor scanned it and poked a bit before saying anything. "You can get your brace, but I don't think you will like it."

Frowning Alicia didn't have a chance to respond as the woman left the room. When she returned she carried a black contraption which Alicia was quickly fastened into. The doctor was right she didn't like it. The rigid material kept her leg at a slight angle, which would make using it nearly impossible, two straps held it in place.

"I know you are aware of the risks if your muscles don't heal properly, but the rest of your body is still recovering as well." Elisabeth studied her intently. "Lay down."

Feeling more than a little guilty Alicia complied, the woman wasn't lecturing her out of frustration, even though she probably was driving her nuts; the doctor cared. She lay still and waited for the woman to examine the hologram of her body.

"You know I haven't seen you since we spoke but I haven't had the Commander on my door step in the middle of the night. May I assume that you told him?"

"No." She hadn't told him she knew about the tapes; but her emotions on that were mixed. Part of her knew why he hadn't said anything, it was the same reason she had avoided telling him what she remembered about Lucas; they tried to protect each other. "We've talked, but not about that. After we talked, he walked in and woke me up from a dream."

"You've been having dreams? Or nightmares?" The doctor frowned and Alicia cringed; she hadn't mentioned that when they talked.

"It's been happening since we got back from the badlands. It wasn't so bad until that one, I was thinking about it before I fell asleep; and he woke me up." And now she was going to have to talk about it even more.

"Is there a pattern to them?"

"Yes. Elisabeth I can deal with this." She'd lived her life in many people's night mares; it wasn't the first time they invaded her dreams. "It's not the first time."

"No, I would assume it is not, it is still a concern." The doctor frowned at her, Alicia could feel her settling in to discuss this. "Have you two settled the issue on retirement?"

"I've got my job, and we're working on the rest." In truth they had come a long way in a few days, and while she was cautious she was happy. Alicia wanted to leave, she didn't want to talk about it all again. She knew Nathaniel would bring it up; and she needed to answer him.

The doctor must have sensed her discomfort as the woman turned to a new topic after confirming they had a session next week. That gave her time, time to deal with each person and their questions; she felt like she was walking on egg shells as she didn't want to hurt either of them.

But after a brief visit and the promise to come and see Zoe Alicia left the clinic. She nearly bumped into Nathaniel as she left, he stepped back instantly, grabbing her arms to steady her; she reassured him with a slight smile. "I'm alright, I just got a new brace."

"Why?" He frowned, falling in step beside her.

"Because I loosened the other off too much; Elisabeth is determined to keep me off this leg. This brace doesn't have the give the other did." And she was really noticing it, she was struggling to keep her balance. They were several blocks from her unit, Alicia eased herself closer to Nathaniel until their sides brushed; he took the hint and wrapped his arm around her.

"Are you alright with this?" His question had two answers, and his tone made her look at him; blue eyes studied her intently.

"I may need to go back to using the crutch." She hated that thought, but she was not going to humiliate herself. "It is probably for the best."

They walked in silence until they reached the unit, she hadn't answered the other part of his question, she wasn't sure how to. People had seen him supporting her before, seen a variety of people doing it; but then she had not been in a good state. Before she hadn't had a choice, leaning into him now was a choice but was it right? It felt right at least to her.

He wasn't one for public displays of affection, not that an arm wrapped around her middle to hold her up was particularly affectionate; but he said he wanted to marry her. Alicia didn't want to be a wife behind closed doors only, she wanted to be with him socially, to be able to touch him; but perhaps they would never be overly affectionate in public. She was alright with that, many things were best done in private, yet there was that casual contact couples had, that connection only they knew; she wanted that with him.

As the door to her unit shut his hand did slide down her side, turning her so his hands framed her hips. He leaned down and briefly touched his lips to hers; Alicia savored it. He would never do that in front of others, she understood that. As the leader of this colony showing such affection would only be seen as a weakness; but it was something she had to come to terms with.

When he guided her to the couch she sat, hoping he wasn't going to leave; it was only mid afternoon. She watched as he got two glasses of water, and brought them back; offering one to her. Then he sat beside her, his arm wrapping easily around her shoulders; something she was quickly becoming accustomed to.

"The hot season is only beginning, it will be interesting this year." He murmured, she knew it was his explanation for encouraging her to hydrate. The hot season lasted nearly six months, and it was brutal but this year he was right; it would be different.

"Have we repaired the energy grids?"

"Most of them, but that wasn't what I was thinking. Sixers have no power this year and I don't think our friends have considered that yet." Nathaniel smirked ever so slightly, she knew he was thinking they would soon see raids on their power grids; he was probably right.

"They might not test their luck too soon." They'd only came for their children today; they wouldn't want to push their chances. Not when they didn't have any of the supplies they'd stolen before.

"Maybe, maybe not; but things could get busy around here. And I want us to be clear." Blue eyes were focused on her with an intensity usually used to make young soldiers cave as the realized their mistakes; but this time they burned with sincerity.

"What aren't we clear on?" She asked softly.

"Too many things, how you are healing, where we are standing and when we'll make this right." He listed them off as if his words made perfect sense; it sounded like code to her.

"I thought we had talked about this." Alicia was suddenly uncomfortable, was he having second thoughts on what they'd talked about?

….

The look that crossed her face when he said that made his gut twist, he didn't say it to worry her. They had talked about it, but they hadn't set any deadline and Nathaniel wanted one; he wanted one badly. Mainly because he wanted her.

But he wanted her as his wife, he didn't feel right coming and going from her home even if he did sleep on the couch. And besides that he set an example for the younger ones in the colony, he would not have them thinking such behaviour was acceptable; that he did it. No, it wasn't but she was still healing and he had promised not to leave her alone; those reasons felt better than the truth. He hated the idea of being without her, a part of him still feared that door was going to be slammed in his face and locked against him.

She was a part of his life, an important part but the words stuck in his throat. He'd said them before, not to her but to another woman; and they had meant something different. Nathaniel couldn't quite say them to her and not think of times before; they hadn't meant nearly as much then. And he was struggling to understand why.

He'd cared about Ayani, they had gotten along well when he was home, sometimes they fought about his having to leave for long missions on short notice but then most women would. What he didn't understand was why his feelings for Alicia were so much more intense, arguing with his first wife had left him mildly irritated; when he argued with Alicia he felt his world shift.

She could put him from zero to ninety in less than a second, she'd hold her own in a fight and he could count the times anything had reduced her to tears on one hand; and he wasn't soon to forget them either. She was strong and fierce, but she still held onto things that so few soldiers he knew remembered. She fought for hope, she believed in innocence and good in people; she showed kindness to people who didn't deserve it.

It wasn't a weakness in his eyes, it was strength, strength he knew few possessed. He reacted to her in ways he had never reacted to anyone else; but maybe he read too much into her expressions. When a message from the command center pulled him from the conversation before he gave an answer he was relived. He didn't want to negotiate marriage with her like an attack plan.

He didn't want to do it laying with her on the couch either, he wanted to do it right. And it was something he had never done before. Ayani had been eager to be married and out of her parent's home, he'd been young, foolish and set to deploy in two months. They'd discussed it and married a month later. He'd never had to propose to her, and it was one experience he thought he'd like to have. Was he supposed to feel this confused? What if she refused him?

The issue at the Command Center was the scout team calling in, the Phoenix had crossed the badlands to the northern coast and were building a fairly permanent camp. After checking with the communications center that they could receive from that range Nathaniel ordered surveillance set up. It was time for the team to come home, he'd rotated out the soldiers on the unit but Guzman had been out there from the start.

Something occurred to him as he made the decision and gave the order. One of the biggest problems between Alicia and him was rank, and his tendency to give orders without thinking. He couldn't deny he liked things to go his way but Alicia knew that and they under stood how the other thought. Had she remained in the future she would rank him by now, she was young and smart; the brass would have pulled her and given her a unit of her own. They'd wanted to do it before.

Maybe there was a simple way to solve something, given he intended to make her his wife he didn't want any secrets from her; he kept very few things from her as it was. His eyes lit on one thing he had, a bitter feeling twisted in his gut; that was something she needed to know about. Nathaniel had something to do today.

…

She wanted to pace, actually she wanted to spar but given the brace strapped to her leg she would have settled for pacing. Elisabeth however flitted through her mind and so she limped down the hall to do an upper body workout instead. She needed to burn the restless energy making her upset.

They had been in the middle of something important, she had thought he would come back; or at least say something before he left. She had waited for awhile before realizing he wasn't going to return; he had gone back to finish his day. And part of her knew he had enough on his plate that wanting him here with her was petty; it didn't change how she felt.

But she was missing a part of herself as much as she was missing him. She should be with him; part of the work load he was coping with was hers. And she wanted it back, Alicia was not good at being idle, she never had been.

Stretched out on the bench she set the weights at a comfortable setting; she was going to do as many reps as possible. Her body was getting stronger, slowly but steadily she was increasing the weight she could manage but her legs were not improving.

Alicia knew she was missing full body workouts, sparring, and obstacle courses. The things every recruit hated Alicia had always loved, she enjoyed the way her body felt when she was challenged. She knew her unit was probably loving the break, squeaking by with the minimum required. She tended to require more of her unit than most, but then it was what she was raised with.

She pushed the bar away from her chest, shifted her grip and lowered it again. Her father and grandfather had been proud to serve, proud to contribute something important. She had been pushed since she was very little, to understand the imprint man left on his environment; to understand how to survive in any environment.

Her father had let her lay on his chest when she was just a little girl and he was working out. She would reach out and grip the bar between his hands, distracting him much more than helping as he lifted it. Alicia smiled at the memory, she had thought he was so strong then, she hadn't realized until much later he never put weight on the bar when he let her climb up and get in his way.

She'd come a long way since being that girl, her father was gone, his flag tucked in her things. Her grandparents were gone as well, some keep sakes and pictures accompanied her memories of them. She had come through a war as bloody as any in history and into a new world; a new life.

Everything changed, there were few things that were constant; that she could control. Her body was one, she could train and keep herself ready; until now she had. It was going to be such a fight to come back from this, the brace strapped to her leg was driving her mad.

So she pushed her upper body workout harder, it made her back ache. A sound behind her made Alicia freeze, raising the bar towards the rack she was aware of someone behind her. Strong hands framed hers, taking the weight of the bar until it rested in the rack. Alicia arched her back a little more to look up at Nathaniel, he stood at the head of the bench.

Her hands were still on the bar, his shifted to cover hers the contact made her sigh; she wanted that. She wanted him close to her more than she was willing to admit. His hands shifted and slid slowly down her arms, his thumbs rubbed her forearms.

"How long have you been lifting?" Nathaniel asked her, his exploration continued until his hands slid under her shoulders and pulled.

"A while, I'm not sure." She murmured and braced her feet to sit up, ducking under the bar she leaned back against his hip. "I need to be busy."

His hands slid over her shoulders, massaging her gently; Alicia moaned a little. His hands felt so good. "You're tense."

Alicia nodded, hoping he would keep going, rolling her shoulders forward offering her back. He chuckled and slid his hands down. "That feels good."

"Good." Nathaniel leaned down, she shifted wanting to be close to him; he was thinking about something. "If you want something to do tomorrow you could plan Skye's training. I could help if you wanted."

"I can manage a class of fifty recruits, I think I can handle one." Alicia shifted as he found a sensitive spot.

"I don't doubt your abilities Alicia." His voice was soft, she realized she'd gotten a little defensive. "I thought you might want some company; Skye may take a bit to adjust to things."

"They all have questions when they start." She'd heard plenty over the years, some took awhile to learn rank and file; didn't understand that rank meant she wasn't to be friends. She wasn't exactly sure how Skye would be, at least not after all this.

"Doesn't matter. I'd also like you take back some of your duties." She looked up, he was watching her closely. "The security teams miss you. They're used to reporting to you, and they trust you; that's important. Only as much as you can manage."

"I can manage everything but PT and patrols." The two things she really wanted to be doing, though working her way through a stack of paperwork was going to be satisfying.

"Good." He actually sounded pleased Alicia thought, it made her smile; the next made her frown.

"We hold basic in the Command Center." Alicia tried to mask the pain in her voice, she wasn't sure she was ready to face that. Even the thought made her body tighten.

"Set up where ever you want Alicia, I'll have everything moved for you." He answered a little too quickly and she realized he'd already thought of it.

"I can't avoid it forever." She murmured softly.

She wanted to, and yet it would only be weakness. Alicia knew that and the fact he had considered it; he understood. But it was impractical if she was to remain as second in command, she couldn't avoid the hub of command. It was the center of activity, it was where Nathaniel spent most of his day.

She'd nearly gone up once before, but she'd been angry then. Somehow she knew anger was not the right emotion to motivate her. Anger only hurt more, it wouldn't change anything. She'd dealt with pain before, she hated that this time it was so different.

….

He watched her shift through emotions silently, he wanted her to speak; to tell him how to help her. Nathaniel kept his hands on her back, hoping she would lean back into him again; give some sign that she wanted him here. He wanted to help her through this, a small wishful part of him wanted to tell her they would build another Command Center, one that wasn't tainted with the past; she did that to him.

Yet he knew she wouldn't accept that either, and even if he could it wouldn't make her happy. She'd want to deal with this, and it would help her to do that. She was fighting back now, pushing her body and taking on her duties. Her face had fallen as she told him she couldn't do physical training and patrols. He knew she was one of few people who truly enjoyed physical labor; putting her body through the ringer.

He had told Skye to expect to start training within the week, a look at colony financials had showed him he needed to get something set up and soon. He'd given her the contract, when she showed up for her first day of training it would become effective. First they had to sort out where it would be held.

His mind recalled the image of her backed to that wall to quickly; and there were others that he pushed back. He didn't want to force her back there but work would help her; and she wanted to be back at work. Somehow this was much easier to deal with, it was work; it wasn't their relationship.

"What do you want to do?"

"I've got to try." She sounded anything but confident, rubbed her back; he didn't know how to fix this. It was a feeling he hated.

She pushed back, he gave her the space to get off the bench, holding out a hand to steady her. She was stronger than she had been in the last few weeks, but the way the brace held her leg was setting her off balance. The doctor wanted it on her for six weeks, he knew it was the effect on her movement that bothered her; Alicia rarely cared about appearances.

The only thing he enjoyed in this was that she was willing to reach for him, his hand on her back or shifting her weight into his side. Alicia preferred to use him to the crutch. He didn't ask where she was going, it was an easy assumption to make.

As they left the house he felt a fresh sweat break out on her back, he tucked her closer to him. If this was what she wanted she wasn't going to be alone. He caught a few glances as they walked, people needed to begin adjusting to this. It wasn't just support anymore; and the colony needed to know that.

She was slowing as they got closer to the Command Center, at the base of the stairs she gripped the rail tightly; her knuckles were white. He stepped to the side and ordered the soldiers to leave their post. No one needed to witness this, the Command Center was safe for now.

She was shaking as she reached the top of the stairs, and he knew it wasn't from effort. Nathaniel rubbed her back, he could feel her pulling away as they entered a place they had worked together for over seven years.

"Will you tell me?" He didn't know if it was right but he needed to do something. She'd been debriefed on countless missions over the years; this was different.

He wasn't ordering her, or even asking as her CO. Alicia stood against the wall, hardly inside the door, his hip rested against the door; his weight would keep it shut. She was slowly edging her way further into the room, finally she looked at him; brown eyes were masked.

"Just watch your tapes." It was like a slap in the face, yet it was fair. "I don't remember all of it."

"Alicia." He whispered.

"I don't remember all the pieces of it Nathaniel, I can't." She faced him now and the mask slid down. "I just want to forget."

"Okay." He couldn't blame her for that, he had too many things he wanted to forget.

"Nathaniel what I remember clearly is pain. You have the tapes, just watch them if you want answers. I can't give them to you." She stepped away from the wall, her palm running over the desk. Her hand was shaking.

"I don't want to watch the tapes."

"I don't remember doing it, but if I thought that I would be on there; like that. You won't destroy them though, will you?" He wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or desperation in her voice. "Protocol."

"Don't do this." She was accurate, she always was; and she was doing it from across the room. "Alicia forget about protocol."

"They sat right here." Her palm ran over the desk as she rounded to where he sat and did his paperwork. "Lucas stood in front."

She stood there and stared at the wall, he watched and slowly she took deep breaths; then squared her shoulders ever so slightly. He finally crossed the room, standing in the spot she was staring at; she was slipping away from him.

"Don't do this alone." He reached out to touch her, she jumped; but didn't pull away. "Alicia."

He took her into his arms, she remained stiff and he sighed. Even like this she relaxed him, she was still here; she was close. But when she turned her face into his neck and whimpered, her body relaxed into his. Nathaniel held her tightly, his arms clenching around her middle.

"I can't work here." She whispered. "I can't breathe in here."

He guided her to the stairs, tempted to pick her up; hurrying up the steps. The upper level was a covered balcony; all of the colony was visible. A breeze cooled the heat of the day, and Alicia gulped in the air, turning away from him to lean on the balcony.

Nathaniel stood behind her, rubbing one hand on her back; comforting her in the only way he could think. She gripped the rail for a long moment before turning into him, her arms sliding around him; tightening. Alicia was holding onto him, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. Sliding one hand into his pocket he rubbed the small box there; he wanted this.

…..

His shoulder was damp with her tears, embarrassed Alicia rubbed the fabric keeping her cheek close to his so she didn't have to look him in the eye. She eased back ever so slightly, the pressure from his hand telling her where he wanted her; Alicia closed her eyes. She wanted to stay there, she felt safe pressed against his chest; she could breathe again.

The panic that had closed around her when she stood in the room was still close; he was her lifeline. She wasn't used to depending on anyone, and but she couldn't analyze it either; he wouldn't like it. Alicia couldn't think about the day when he was going to pull away from her again. The man wasn't wired to let people be close to him.

She could feel his breath on her neck, his hand on her back; gentle pressure encouraging her to lean into him again. Alicia could only see a shadow of is face, skin tanned from too much sun and short silver hair. She knew this man and knew him well.

"Let me hold you Alicia." He murmured against her cheek, making Alicia want to do little more than fold into him again.

Her hesitation made him step back, nervous Alicia tensed her back, feeling the pressure of his hand. Blue eyes raked over her; she thought he looked hurt. "You will get sick of it."

"No, no I won't Alicia." His other arm slid behind her, his arms locked around her.

"Don't pull away from me. We aren't perfect be we are good. I want to be with you." Alicia wanted to squirm under his intense gaze; his words were not like him.

Nathaniel Taylor was not expressive, and she'd known him when he was married. He was good to his wife but often distant, closer to the members of the unit. The man was not a romantic. But she didn't love him because of romance; and she could admit she loved him.

"We are going to fight." She whispered, he liked everything to run his way; so did she. Where he exerted his control in the military and over the colony she took hers at home; they were going to have to learn to share that.

"Couples do that Alicia, but that doesn't mean we don't love each other." He let her go and stepped away; why did he have to move away when he was being reassuring. "I want to be with you, I want to be your husband."

"Stop." She whispered as he knelt, the man was down on one knee. "Nathaniel please stop, we talked about this."

"Talking isn't the way to do this Alicia." Nathaniel spoke softly, his hand holding onto hers; something in his hand. "Will you be my wife Alicia Washington?"

"I thought we talked about this, we don't need to do this." She murmured, pulling uselessly on his hand; this was embarrassing.

"Alicia marry me today or tomorrow. Or a month from now. We are good together, and we will make things work." He stood slowly, and she could tell which option he liked.

He was still holding her hand, massaging her palm gently, a delicate ring glinted in the sun; he was waiting for her answer. All she managed was to nod, he took it as an agreement. The ring was slid onto her finger and she was pulled to him in one fluid movement.


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

His relief was obvious, at least in his mind; Nathaniel did not want to let her go. They walked back to her unit and he caught her looking down at the ring. He could never remember her wearing jewelry in the time he had known her; he didn't count her tags. The fact it was jewelry he had given her gave him a primitive sense of pleasure, and he'd thought about that when he bought it from Casey.

The one he gave her today was a white gold band with an inscription, her wedding band was simple gold band also inscribed. She wouldn't wear anything more, or she wouldn't wear it happily and Nathaniel wanted her wearing it. He wanted the woman as his wife, and maybe a small part of him wanted that mark; letting the world know she was his.

She leaned into his shoulder as they walked, he tugged her closer. Between them physical contact was so simple, they worked; it was habits and words that they struggled with. He held the door for her, he really hoped that she wanted to do this soon for more than one reason. This was going to be their home, their life together.

"Should I call the military chaplain?" Nathaniel noticed she was toying with the ring as she sat down on the couch. He moved to sit beside her, he wouldn't do it but teasing her was fun; he hoped she didn't want to wait a month.

"Wait until the morning."

Nathaniel did a double take, she said it so calmly he wondered if he heard her correctly. Brown eyes studied him without the guard of caution he usually saw. "You are sure?"

"Don't ask too many times." She muttered a smirk teasing her features; he nodded. "I'd like to ask Elisabeth to witness."

"We can have as many people as you like." He was planning to tell the colony not long after the vows were spoken.

"Just the Shannons." Alicia slid her hand into his, squeezing softly.

Nathaniel nodded, perhaps he shouldn't have encouraged speed in her wedding; women looked forward to it. It was something a person was only supposed to do once, he believed that; or at least some part of it. He was realizing it would only feel truly right once; it hadn't felt like this before. The look on her face as she studied the ring on her finger was what he wanted. The feel of her tucked into his side was comforting.

…

The sun rose, painting the sky beautiful hues of purple, orange and red. The night banished again as a new day began so did a new union. Two thin smooth bands glinted on her finger. As the sun rose the chaplain joined them in marriage for the rest of their days.

The small group stood in the rolling hills of the agricultural sector beyond the gates. The two seasoned soldiers hoping it was enough to shield their private moment from the prying eyes of their security team on the fence. It was here that the command of Terra Nova shifted forever, a small line he included in his vows; one he wasn't she had even caught.

Alicia Washington became Alicia Taylor, his wife, partner and other half. Something she had been for a very long time unrecognized by either of them, but it was now she ceased to be his second in command. It was a decision he knew would go over well with the colony; it was going to give him far too many head aches. But it was right.

Nathaniel bent his head to kiss her again, the beautiful woman who agreed to be tied to him for the rest of their days. A moment later his hands that had held her close shifted to hold her tight; a waist height projectile collided with the both of them. He lifted his head to see her eyes bright with laughter as Zoe Shannon wrapped around her waist.

The child's parents were more conservative in their congratulations but he didn't miss the shadow in Elisabeth's eye. He may not have in laws to worry about but he had no doubt her friend would make war if he hurt Alicia again.

Nathaniel kept one of her hands tucked into his as Zoe claimed the other. The child grinned ear to ear, pleased to be included in this event. It was only the day before that they had told the Shannons and a few other close friends what they had planned. And they made up the small wedding party, close friends and old comrades.

As they entered the gates and the group began to break apart Casey hovered, waiting as asked. He wondered how to do this without upsetting her; or the child still beside her. She only squeezed his hand tighter when he toyed with the slender bands on her ring finger.

Gently he slid them over the knuckle, she turned to give him a sharp look. She hadn't been happy to learn he'd already gotten both her rings and his; he'd smoothed that over by handing his over for her to have engraved. This was his version of engraving. "Just for the morning."

She frowned as he dropped the rings in Casey's hands. Nathaniel wasn't going to explain, one part of this was going to be a surprise. He slid an arm around her, guiding his new wife towards the Command Center; she'd agreed to this. Though it had taken some persuading. She tensed as they climbed, he knew she was fighting the urge to flee; it was going to be a long time before what she felt faded.

It didn't bother him now, not in the same way; he had the assurance she wasn't going to run from him. On the balcony he guided her to the rail, shifting his stance slightly so his hip was behind hers; he was between her and the building. Below them the colony gathered, several members of the security team ducked under his gaze, he knew they had been on the gate that morning; likely watching the field through their scopes.

Others however had not been spying that morning and eyed him with open curiosity; likely wondering why he held Alicia so close. Nathaniel addressed the colony with Alicia beside him. "Much has changed in our lives in the past months, and Terra Nova will never be the same. We chose to come to this place and we chose to fight for it and so we embrace what comes."

"In this new world we are alone and so the leadership of this colony is paramount. Many of you know that Washington and I have served together for many years and through many wars. What you may not have realized is how heavily I've relied on her. Or what she has come to mean to me." Nathaniel felt her tense and glanced down to find her staring intently at the rail in front of her. "Alicia Washington has done me the honor of becoming my wife. We will share our lives and our duties to this colony; we will share our rank as well."

There was a moment of tense silence as he watched people process his words; and Alicia's hesitant smile. His wife relaxed at his side, her gaze flitting up to him and then back down. People clapped and cat called as chatter took over. With his duty done he tugged Alicia away from the rail.

"Coordinate with Guzman, I don't want to hear from any of you until oh nine hundred Monday." Shannon had been warned of his plans and waited at the bottom of the stairs. He was only taking a two day honeymoon, but he wanted two days; and he wanted it alone with Alicia.


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

Alicia stretched lazily in bed, Nathaniel had ways of making her do what he wanted before but he had even better ones now. Especially when the man spent two days spoiling her, she wasn't sure he'd taken an entire weekend off since they came here. For being a stubborn pain he could change pretty quickly into an attentive husband; she just wondered if he would flip back as fast.

She had thought being married would be awkward at first, sharing a place and knowing they had to go to work; especially sharing a bed. But it wasn't, she struggled to identify what it was and the best she could come up with was so far it was just comfortable.

Alicia couldn't remember the last time she had willingly taken two days off, being laid up with injuries excluded, she could never remember Nathaniel doing it. But they had and spent the last two days home, together. So far the colony hadn't fallen apart, she figured Shannon must be managing.

Yet Monday just had to come and with it the reality of life. They were married and he planned for them to share command; nothing like making work personal. Today it all began, she had to face the colony as Alicia Taylor, and it had a ring Nathaniel seemed especially fond of. She maintained that she would go still go by Wash or Washington when they needed to distinguish orders.

She dressed for the day, glad to be free of the brace, Elisabeth had cleared her to remove it but the taste of freedom was not enough; she wasn't putting it back on. She was only a week out from the deadline and running basic training with a brace on her leg was frustrating. For the first time in a long time she fastened on her holster for day to day; a first generation pulse with a semi auto function.

It was still unnerving to have the man who could control and run a military handing her a cup of coffee in the morning. He was dressed and had already been scanning a plex, she wasn't willing to let him make her feel guilty for running late; he had been the one who dragged her back to bed.

"Good morning." She murmured, rounding the table to press her lips to his; unsure if he would allow it once they left the unit.

"It was." He smirked, looking all to pleased with himself and she rolled her eyes; he was being so possessive. "You going to be alright without the brace today?"

"Fine, Skye's the one who'll work." And she would work hard today, Alicia had a feeling it was going to be a lot of work training Skye Tate; interesting might be a better word. She intended to learn a bit more about the girl; and any secrets she may still be keeping.

"Good." He reached for a stack of plexs beside him. "The orders she has received as of yet, all others yours; things go well keep her on your unit. I want to keep a close eye on her."

"Yes Sir." She smirked, his expression shifted suddenly and then was masked. But he said nothing, they left the unit and went their separate ways, she pushed it back but it didn't slip her mind.

She found her recruit waiting at the back of the Command Center as ordered; the training center and barracks lay just beyond; they would work in the compound today. The uniform was right, neater than most of the soldiers on duty and for the duration of her training it would stay that way; regulations were relaxed but in training rules were important. It was a decent start.

"Your father was in the military, and you've lived in a secure colony for the past few years. I expect you understand the basic rules of our military, we value bravery, courage, honor and loyalty. We will train you to defend yourself and to defend those you have sworn to protect. The contract is binding for two years, your training will take six months after that you will be assigned a unit and added to the roster." Generally she gave this speech to groups of recruits, she always got a range of reactions; today she just got calm nods.

"Training begins at oh seven hundred Monday through Friday; you will be required to log a certain number of hours in physical training each weekend in addition to any other tasks assigned." She continued, deciding to add a personal note. "We all have a history Tate, here that does not matter; here we have our duty. Prove yourself as a soldier, don't try to compensate for the past."

"Yes Ma'am." A wave of emotion crossed Skye's face, the girl pulled it back fast. "Thank you Ma'am."

Two hours later Skye was not thanking her but gritting her teeth, likely to avoid complaining as Alicia pushed her through the obstacle course. This was not the time for being friendly, a soft soldier was of no use and only put themselves and their unit at risk. Skye had six months of intensive training and she was going to spend a good portion of it sore.

The day passed quickly and she dismissed an exhausted young woman at the end of it. Alicia remained behind in the training center, it had been a long enough day and she planned to give Skye a week to adjust before she began to start endurance training; those days would be long for her as well. Skye had done well for the first day in, but the girl had a solid sense of what was expected; happened when you were a military brat.

Alicia had trained a lot of recruits, she had a good eye for who could last and who would wash out; Skye could do it. But there would be moments when she doubted herself; Alicia would push her and do her best to push the girl through those times. Though she needed to push herself again and eyeing the punching bag she thought she might do a little of that.

…..

He watched Skye leave the training center, watched the men scoping her out from their posts; he scanned their faces for any malice. He saw none, interest and curiosity as well as a few who seemed to be taking stock of her. It was a start, and given she was walking out of her first day of training with her shoulders straight and chin up she had done well; he'd known Alicia to reduce grown men to tears in the first hour.

There were times when he missed the entertainment of some soldier underestimating the skill of the lithe woman. It was a fault of all men, one he couldn't claim exemption from but to any man who met one of his soldiers and said a woman was less was a fool. On bases around the world his unit had gotten entertainment from other soldiers making assumptions of what Alicia was capable of; she was quick to correct them. Here every soldier knew what she was capable of and if they had any questions they need only remember the occupation.

This morning he'd been given some news, Shannon had on good accord that the story of Alicia's torture was making the rounds in the military; a Sixer had gotten chatty in the brig. The kids were doing a good job of keeping it quiet, he had a feeling it would have stayed that way if not for a young romance. Nathaniel wasn't sure of how to handle it, but he knew he needed to have a word with his wife about it; before she heard from another source.

He had verified the lockdown on the video footage after talking to Shannon; and moved it to the safe at home. On this he took no chances and Alicia would have access to it wherever it was; no matter what she said she wouldn't destroy it unless they agreed. He was waiting to see her leave the training facility but Skye was long gone and there was no sign of Alicia.

Smirking to himself he headed down, the temptation had been too much for her; she wasn't really supposed to be out of that brace. But Elisabeth Shannon had pity on her spending her honeymoon in it and had relented; he hadn't let her do much walking anyways. And now the stubborn woman wouldn't put it back on.

He found her working the bag viciously and couldn't help but watch for a moment. Sharp powerful strokes, quick tight jabs as she attacked and he could tell she was loving it even if she would pay for it tomorrow.

"You know if you come home with me soldier I won't rat you out to the doc." He grinned at the guilty look on his wife's face.

"Sir." She masked her expression and forced him to do the same; never had his title brought a wave of bitterness until today. He'd never minded her saying it, not until it made her sound like she was taking an order.

"Let's go Alicia." Nathaniel reached for her and felt himself relax when she came to him, falling in step beside him; he wanted to get her home; to touch her. "Let's go home."

"It was a long day." She murmured as the walked towards their unit, he nodded in agreement; he was only going to make it longer. "Skye's got potential."

"Good, watched the reaction to her in uniform. Ours will treat her right, we may need to watch some of the civilians." People amazed him sometimes, he wasn't sure how it was justified but there was always an answer; and it was rarely good.

"We're attracting enough attention ourselves." Alicia had noticed, he smirked; the colonists were watching them with interest.

"They'll adjust." He held the door for her, glad to be within the privacy of their home; his day had been long too.

They both took a few moments to strip off their holsters and stow the weapons they carried. Alicia disappeared into the bedroom and reappeared with her hair loose around her shoulder, she'd traded her uniform for a worn tank top and loose shorts; he was tempted to take her right back.

She wasn't favoring her leg but the scar was still fresh and sensitive; he was careful when he touched it. Scars were a road map of her past, the marks of her bravery and loyalty. She'd squirm when he traced over them with the pad of his thumb and whimper when he did more.

When she settled on the couch and stretched out he joined her; pressing their bodies together. Her tank top was worn and soft from being washed too many times, he spread a hand over her ribs and enjoyed her reaction.

"No." She couldn't make her tone match the word, or hide her grin; he knew it. "Nathaniel if we go to bed we will do nothing else tonight. We both have work to do."

"Most couples take a few weeks honeymoon. Work will wait for the morning." Her protests were half hearted even if valid. "And you don't need to worry about doing my work, Skye will keep you busy."

"Sixers, Phoenix and normal duties, Nathaniel I thought we were going to share this."

"I thought we were sharing the rank." He countered, she was right; the list of threats had grown. "I am trying not to order you around."

"I know." Her thumb stroked his cheek, he was glad she knew that.

"It's an adjustment, one for the both of us." He admitted that, and he was willing to admit there were going to be challenges; but it was worth it. "Work will wait for the morning, we will both get an early start but tonight let's not."

"Okay."

"There is something we need to discuss. There is a rumor doing the rounds." He didn't want to do this, it would spoil her evening and yet putting it off wasn't an option.

"When is there not."

"Someone in the brig got chatty, I haven't hammered down the source but someone was aware of what happened during the occupation; it is making the rounds within security."

She was silent and he felt her tense, he searched brown eyes for panic; she couldn't pull away from him now. This wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either, their security were good people; they respected Alicia and this would not alter that. Nor would this ever be something they could leave in the past, no more than any of the wars they had served in; at moments it would come up as real as yesterday.

"Then I guess there is not much to do." Her voice was hollow and he slid his arms around her; she was still trying to accept it herself.

"No, but I didn't want you to hear somewhere else. And it doesn't change anything." Nothing was changed by people knowing, it was bound to happen eventually. "It will blow over."

"I know, it's probably common knowledge in both other camps; our own might as well know." She sighed and curled her face into his neck; a sign she didn't want to talk about it any more.

Nathaniel lay still, his arms around her, they had come a long way for her to lean into him. Gently he shifted her until he could pick her up, she protested as soon as he hauled her up against his chest. With a smirk he dropped her on the bed.

"I guess you got your way." She shook her head at him, but there was a little laughter in her eyes.

"If you want I'll put you to work?" She had wanted to work as soon as she got in the door; they could work in bed. The romance was gone for now, they both needed a distraction. He turned back to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" She called after him.

He returned and dumped the never-ending stack of plexs on the bed. "Work then play. We'll do things your way; but I am not starting early."

"Bossy." She grinned and reached for one, then frowned as she picked up another. "How many of these are research requisitions?"

"Too many, Malcolm feels our only purpose is to provide security for his researchers. I've given him a mile long list of research the colony needs done but these still turn up almost daily."

"Ah." She rolled her eyes and sat back with half the pile on her lap and began a commentary that him trying not to laugh. "So he'd like to go out to the badlands to investigate where the prow was found, I agree we should send the Phoenix some leverage because his scientists always follow every order given; that would be handing candy to a baby. Or we could go and climb a mountain to get some sort of altitude atmospheric reading, not that we have balloons for that."

Nathaniel chuckled, he couldn't agree more. "Could always send him out on his own. He'd trot off happily enough."

"You wouldn't do it." She grinned, sorting out all the plexs from Malcolm into a separate pile, something he should have done weeks ago; and then tossed said plexs in the trash. "Best we can hope is something he decides to study decides to make a snack of him within the perimeter when he doesn't need a security escort. Oh this one is really good, we really should send a team up the waterfall to do mineral analysis because we are on such good terms with the Sixers."

"True, the waterfall alone is enough of a threat." He shook his head, it was something the scientists never seemed to understand. "They don't consider the risk they put themselves at or the soldiers we have to send with them. It would be a different story if they had any sense of what this place is."

"I think that's why they're scientists, and why they drive us nuts. Can all of these go in the pile for when we decide to give up?" She held more than half the plexs and he felt a little embarrassed; there was a reason she screened requests for him.

"We should give him a response other than our security is not suicidal. How many of these did you field out for me over the years?"

"He sends them like clockwork; I usually passed one or two a month that were reasonable; kept him quiet." She climbed off the bed with the stack of plexs and began to plug them into the hard drive; he smirked as she it to wipe them. "The ones he doesn't get permission on he will send again in a week or two; and keep doing it."

"He is nothing if not persistent. We have other concerns about now." Nathaniel held out an arm and was glad when she settled against his side with another plex, this might not be normal for most; but it was for them.


	32. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One**

She groaned as she stepped into the unit, finally able to let it out. Skye was making good progress in physical training, book work was a little more tedious but then the history was from a world neither of them would ever see again. It was peppered with the seven years of Terra Nova history but the regulations from the past world had carried over along with a few that had been added due to their unique environment.

And Alicia herself had done the training so many time she knew it by heart. So breaking up the book work appealed, teaching patrol routes had been a good idea this morning. Twelve hours later not so much. Why was it that she only felt the pain when she stopped moving? It couldn't kick in to warn her to stop before her entire body ached.

Nathaniel had beaten her home and stepped out of the bedroom looking all to comfortable in a snug black shirt and cargos, his weapon already stowed and the plexs they would both undoubtedly work on this weekend away for the evening. She couldn't help but be a little envious, she'd been OTG all day showing Skye the perimeter patrols, check in points. It was something she usually enjoyed, but her leg was not as strong as it had been and all day on foot, because a recruit did not get it easy, was exhausting. But she had made Skye do it with a weighted pack and full gear, her body armour had been hot enough.

"You've done yourself in this time." He studied her as he invaded her personal space, Alicia eyed him up in return; she'd been off colony all day and had no idea how his had been. "You are half dead on your feet. Doctor Shannon is going to take a strip off you."

"No, I am cleared for active." She protested, her husband was not above sic'ing Elizabeth Shannon on her over the leg that was still supposed to be healing.

"You were cleared for training Alicia, not running patrols." Deftly he slipped the zipper on her vest and tugged the buckles securing the lower plate to her back. "We're safe Alicia, you don't have to kill yourself to train Skye; delegate it. Get back on your feet."

The body armour hung loosely around her and Alicia felt defeated, it was small and petty of her but she longed to remind him of his own willful disobedience of doctor's orders. There were times when married was frustrating, it was like a free pass to pick at each other and they had more history to use than there was ammunition in the colony. She knew she made a mistake, that didn't mean she wanted to admit it. "I need a shower."

She sidestepped him quickly, not wanting to see his expression; he wouldn't delegate that. Neither would she, it was something she valued; there was nothing that made her better than her men. If she asked them to do it she would do it herself. And if she wanted to trust them at her back they had to trust her with theirs. That didn't happen by delegating physical training, running exercises with someone else. He knew that.

Shrugging off her gear she threw it on the bed, she could clean it up later. Far too aware of the man that had followed her as she jerked off her tank top and squirmed out of her cargo pants. Sports bra and the rest followed; a hot shower would help so much. As she turned to the bathroom she caught his expression; he may as well of cut out her heart. He looked nearly sick, sadness and pity riddled his face where she wanted to see desire, she wouldn't take it; not any more. Not from him.

Alicia cranked the temperature up and stepped under the hot spray, it would ease some of the strain in her muscles. In a matter of minutes she was slumped against the wall, letting the hot spray pummel her body. She had a job to do just like him and she took pride in it just like he did. But he didn't have to prove himself.

It had been months since she had felt like herself, really felt like herself and that left the frantic feeling of fear. What if a part of her was gone that she couldn't get back? Not a memory, not a scar and not something she could fix. If her unit couldn't turn to her, if her body couldn't hold out she would be a liability. Yet when she pushed herself muscles responded, they tried and they worked; but endurance was low.

Alicia finally stepped from the shower and wrapped herself in a soft fluffy towel, the glint of her wedding band caught her eye. She'd hung it from her tags, wanted it with her but wasn't willing to risk getting caught up on something; she'd wanted it close. Marriage wasn't just name or deed, it was promises. Promises she had made to him and ones he had made to her. One was to honor her, to respect and to honor; she had made the same to him.

He was going to have to respect and honor her choices; she was going to have to respect his fears. He had lost his first wife, and given her history maybe his fears were valid; her life held a far greater element of risk. Ayani had been a safe woman, a home maker and mother who shopped and baked and cleaned yet had died a horrible death she hadn't deserved. It had taken a long time for Nathaniel to face that, he would never really get over it; Ayani Taylor had lived a sheltered life within military bases.

And she, Alicia Taylor stood on the front lines, took the risks and the shots. Toying with her wedding ring she called herself into check, a woman without a scar on her had left Nathaniel a widower with a son and a scarred heart. A soldier covered in scars ran the likelihood of leaving many more.

He could worry, because she knew she would do the same over him, but he couldn't pity her or threaten her. No matter how good he was at the latter, he had both a military and colony to order around and threaten; he could check it at the door. And so could she.

Taking a few moments to dry her hair so it fell in damp waves she opened the door to find the room tidied and her things put away. Her favourite ratty top was on the corner of the bed and under it a pair of soft light shorts. Clothes she'd had the better part of a decade, washed and worn to be as comfortable as anything could; her favourites for at home. And no sign of her husband.

Alicia dressed and then took a moment to detach her ring from the chain around her neck and slid the twisted band onto her finger. She found Nathaniel in the living room pouring over a plex, focused and tense. He looked up as she sat next to him, rubbing a hand along his thigh.

He frowned and caught it, his thumb lightly brushing her ring. "Is this to make peace?"

This time she frowned. "No."

"You haven't been wearing it." He murmured softly, still keeping her hand trapped.

"Yes I have." She protested and immediately saw his jaw tighten; he thought she hadn't been wearing her wedding ring. "Nathaniel I don't wear jewellery on duty; I can't. The only thing I can stand are my tags; I put it on the chain at work. It is always on me and it isn't like anyone missed your announcement."

His frown remained in place for a moment longer. She knew the wedding ring probably fit him comfortably, he had always worn the band, worn it over a year after Ayani's death and hadn't taken his one off since she gave it to him. Jewellery wasn't as simple for her, but that didn't mean she didn't wear it.

….

He hadn't the heart to tell her that no one missed the announcement but not everyone agreed with it; and he didn't entirely blame them. Nearly sixteen years his junior Alicia was a strong and beautiful woman with a solid career and the desire for a family; things every man wanted in a woman. Most of the colony was happy for them but there were a few men who he had a feeling figured he'd stole their shot.

It wore on him quietly, but he'd caught the looks of one man whose eyes seemed to follow her a little too often. Alicia hadn't been seeing anyone since well before they came to Terra Nova and given her rank she wasn't an easy person to approach in that regard.

It didn't justify why he felt so possessive of her, but he figured it all played a part. And it had been bothering her the past few weeks when her ring was absent; but he hadn't been paying attention to her tags. She took them off before bed and set them on her dresser with her communicator, if her ring had been on the chain it had stayed there and he wouldn't have noticed. Knowing that made him feel better, and it made sense.

He couldn't be sure why he was rattled but there was something in the back of his mind sending up a warning. And Alicia sitting quietly beside him working on a plex wasn't reassuring; she hadn't asked about his day or offered anything about hers. It didn't take much to figure she was a bit upset with him and he had a pretty good idea why.

Nathaniel had spoken without thinking things through, he'd been looking at his wife who slunk through the door looking ready to drop, barely masking her pain and given an easy answer. Alicia would delegate difficult aspects of training about as soon as he would welcome the Phoenix inside the gates. Neither would ever happen, he would try to keep peace with the enemy as long as they stayed far away, it was better for the colony but if a day came when there was another war he would cut them to the ground for what they did to his wife. And since they came with out families every member of their camp was guilty and he'd end them to a one.

"I know you worry." Her soft tone pulled him from his thoughts and he glanced down at the woman beside him; her plex was in her lap. "And you've got enough reasons but Nathaniel we both live with some risk."

"I know." He murmured, sliding his arm from around her side up to tug her closer; resting his cheek against her hair. "But I love you; and I'm not going to make excuses for that. I love you and I worry about you."

"I love you too." She whispered, resting her cheek above his heart and picking up her plex again.

Things weren't fixed, but they were better; they'd talked. Each made some effort and the evening passed quietly; he spent most of it lost in thought. She seemed to sense he needed it because he knew she realized he'd hardly dealt with one plex. But he had a lot on his mind.

That night Alicia settled against his chest to sleep and Nathaniel lay awake long after her breathing settled. And he realized when the dream hit her, she'd struggled with them for awhile now but usually they hit when she was sleeping alone. When she pitched away, her body writhing he gathered her close, murmuring softly to reassure her.

It got worse and he struggled to keep a hold on her, suddenly she fought him and a sharp blow across his chest threw him back as she propelled up off the bed. Stunned it took Nathaniel a moment to get himself up and after her.

Alicia leaned with her head against the far wall, her body still trembling. He approached her with caution this time, he was tempted to reach for one of the communicators. The dreams had made her jerk around, fight in her sleep and cry out but never run.

When he rested a hand gently on her shoulder she spun quickly, eyes filled with fear and panic. In that moment it felt as thought there was a wall between them as she pressed back against the wall as though cornered.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, staring at him as if afraid; her voice squeezed his throat. "I'm so sorry Nathaniel."

Shaking ever so slightly himself he held out his arms, almost afraid she wouldn't move. But she did and this time it was the solid thud of her body against his that stole his breath as she pressed her face into his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

They stood like that a long time, her body still trembled and her chest heaved but she held onto him. After a time he lifted her up and carrier her back to bed, laying her down gently before sliding in beside her. She reached for him and Nathaniel slid one arm around her waist laying so they faced each other. His other hand slid into her hair, it was damp with sweat.

"This is getting worse Alicia." He murmured, still shaken, maybe it had been wishful thinking that his presence was enough to keep the dreams at bay.

"I didn't mean to hit you, I thought…."

"Hush, I know that. That doesn't matter." He had a feeling trying to hold onto her had been his own mistake and she had been caught in the dream.

"It isn't getting worse. It is coming back together and I couldn't move."

"I am sorry, I was trying to wake you; this time I couldn't. Have you been having these dreams all along? Since we've been married?" He felt his own pulse hammering as he waited for an answer. Had he slept right beside her while she relived it in her dreams unable to move and unable to tell him she needed to escape?

"No, only sometimes. Only when I'm alone. This is the first time…" She stopped and closed her eyes, hiding her face again and he tucked his chin against the top of her head; they'd argued this evening.

He had known they hadn't settled it but he had figured they had time to do it later; it was not a mistake he would make again. She may not have been alone in bed this time but that didn't mean she didn't feel that way.

Nathaniel didn't fall back to sleep that night, he lay awake holding her until dawn. She drifted to sleep in exhaustion in his arms but she slept peacefully. He had one meeting this morning and verify the patrols for the weekend but he didn't want to wake her.

As shafts of sunlight began to filter into the room she stirred and he smiled when she stretched, arching like a cat beside him. He let his hands slide the length of her back resting on her hips as she twisted to work the kinks out of her shoulders; she was so beautiful when she was waking. Somehow the challenges of the night faded with her mischievous shy smile before she eased up to press her lips to his.

"Alicia I have to work this morning." He whispered, he didn't want to go but the meeting had been arranged with the heads of several divisions to sort out some plans; and straighten out some scientists.

"I know. I'm babysitting." And he remembered the conversation.

Mark Reynolds had the weekend off and was making plans to take Maddie out, Josh Shannon was still working for Boylan and he'd called both Shannons into the meeting. The sheriff because he was in charge of monitoring the other camps with Guzman and the doctor to try and help him get some sense through the head of the science division. It seemed they had one sane scientist in the colony and he was not above using Malcolm Wallace's crush on the doctor to his advantage, the woman was happily married; but Wallace would listen to her.

The end result of that was Alicia had volunteered to skip the meeting of the minds to babysit the youngest Shannon while he tried to hide his jealousy; it was going to be a tedious meeting. And so both of them had to get up; he didn't have a whole lot of motivation.

Alicia was first to crawl out of bed and it seemed to torture him she decided to strip on her way to the shower. With a growl of misery Nathaniel got out of bed and went to start the coffee; otherwise he was likely to join his wife in the shower and they really didn't have the time.


	33. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two**

Alicia had enjoyed her morning with Zoe and let herself into the house to find her husband looking tired and annoyed as he poured over one plex and took notes on another. The little girl beside her cocked her head to study the man.

"He looks busy." Zoe whispered to her, the noise was enough to disturb him and Alicia bit her lip as she smiled; he looked up to sight the child. His expression brightened a little.

"That's okay. I think your question is very important and beside he promised me he was only working this morning. And the morning is almost over so we better get our request in before he keeps his promise to me." Alicia reassured her, she was looking forward to his reaction to the little girl.

"Is there something I can do for you Miss Shannon?" Nathaniel's voice was so gentle and friendly as he scraped his chair back; both plexs on the table ignored.

The man was nearly precious as he waited for the child to ask her question; his eyes bright with entertainment. "I know we are supposed to be nice to the dinosaurs and some of them are mean. But Maddie says some are nice, they only eat plants and not all of them are really big. I'd really like to have a pet, there were no pets before we came here and I really liked Hank but he had to go be with his friends because Mommy said he would get to big. If I had a pet I would take really good care of it and it could be a really really small one."

Alicia grinned as he considered the little girl's request; Zoe looked so hopeful. Nathaniel rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to consider the child's request. "Do you think your parents would let you have a pet?"

"Yes. I would take really good care of it and if it only eats plants then it wouldn't get eaten by a mean dinosaur. And some of my friends would like pets too." Zoe gave him an adorable grin and Alicia was glad she wasn't the one making that choice.

"Will you give me a little time to see what I can do?" His chin rested on his hands as he studied the child.

She nodded sweetly and turned back to Alicia, the little girl practically skipped back to her; their eyes met over the child's head. Alicia grinned and took Zoe's hand, hopefully once she dropped the child with her parents she would get to go on an adventure with her husband.

Following Zoe into the house Alicia hung back a little looking for Elisabeth. While Zoe went to hang up the pictures they'd made that morning she joined her friend at the counter. The woman poured a second cup of coffee and pushed it towards her.

"Long meeting?" Alicia asked, secretly she was very pleased to have missed it; she knew Nathaniel had been planning to give Malcolm and ultimatum.

"It was interesting." Elisabeth sighed, staring into her coffee. "I'm afraid Malcolm did not take the Commander's instruction well and his comments were out of line."

"When does Malcolm ever take instruction well?" She smirked, that was no surprise.

"Malcolm asked when he planned to get you pregnant to do your part to preserve the colony." Elisabeth was studying her reaction but Alicia wasn't sure she hid her shock all that well.

It took her a moment to respond to that. "I don't think we are going to have any family, he already had his son and with everything that's happened. We've got each other."

"You should talk to him about that, I think he does want a family but he nixed the idea of a woman's duty. It was a rather sexist thing for Malcolm to say and given his math I would still need to have another to have done my duty, no one can dictate how many children a family must have. It wasn't a good thing in the future and it wouldn't be a good thing now." Elisabeth explained, Alicia sipped her coffee.

"I think without the laws people will expand their families naturally, some are already above two; the Davis' have five already." Everyone had been surprised when Michaela Davis had found out she was having twins, but she knew Nathaniel celebrating them as the first twins born in the colony set a precedent.

Many families already had three and many were young enough to just be figuring that sort of thing out; growing a family took time and love. Elisabeth nodded, family was a private thing. "That comment came after the Commander denied Malcolm's suggestion of assigning a few soldiers to the science department so he could stop submitting research requisitions."

She laughed, she knew that would have thrilled Nathaniel. "The man has plenty of work to do within the colony."

"Ah but there is no adventure in that. He is a researcher and he doesn't see things the way you do; he hasn't seen any of the dangers you and the Commander have." She saw the reason Nathaniel had wanted Elisabeth in the meeting; she was solid researcher but also safety conscious.

Alicia visited a little longer before heading home, but hesitantly she did tell her friend about the dream last night. It had put a few things into place and slowly the dreams were filling in the holes in her memory. But it wasn't a pleasant way to remember, the doctor suggested another method and it was one Alicia was going to have to give some thought to.

She got home to find Nathaniel had put the plexs away, he was also wearing his side holster. She smirked at the idea of him assigning two soldiers to Malcolm to escort his researchers at their whim. Not only would Nathaniel be miserable about it but so would the soldiers he assigned; that would be one way to shrink their security team.

"So I take it you want to go OTG?" He rose from the couch, watching her with amusement; she wondered how she would get him to tell her about the meeting.

"Are we going to get some little pets?" She asked, taking her holster from him and fastening it around her hips; it was a tranq gun.

"Some really really little ones. Kids should have pets, it's the way things used to be, and in the future those kids had no hope of a creature to play with." He chuckled as he fastened the straps on her body armour, he seemed to be developing a thing about checking it; even though she'd taken care of her own gear for over fifteen years. "Something about that little girl gets me, they raised her in hiding for so long; sent her father to prison for having her. Never right to make a child illegal."

Alicia smiled, and so she had a feeling Zoe Shannon had a way to wrap the Commander of the colony around her little finger. But since it included a trip OTG with her husband Alicia was happy to encourage the child on this one.

She slid into the rover beside him and they headed for the gates. It was probably a good thing that Malcolm Wallace was nowhere in sight as they rolled out. Given they weren't going far he had informed Shannon but made no other arrangements; Alicia didn't bother to hide her excitement.

She knew he enjoyed being beyond the gates, she loved it; but they were both keenly aware of the dangers. He headed towards the northern ridge and Alicia smirked, there was a double meaning to this trip; the Sixers were settling along the ridge. It would be interesting to see what would happen when they encountered the Sixers outside the control of the colony.

In this region raptors lived in the canopy but many herbivores made homes on the jungle floor, among the roots of towering trees and within various burrows. She kept a careful watch as they travelled, Alicia wouldn't deny that it was really good to be travelling by rover rather than foot; she wasn't up for that today.

"Elisabeth said the meeting was interesting." She only knew what Elisabeth had told her, she wondered how he felt about it.

"Malcolm lived. The man can't do the research assigned to him but he will do the math on our population." Nathaniel growled and shook his head, muttering as they took a turn on the track. "Tell me to get on that; I'm married."

Alicia smirked, if there was going to be a quiet feud between the scientist and her husband she was going to watch. "What was his math?"

"I don't trust his math. Asked the doc to check it." Nathaniel gave her a guilty smile, it wasn't about trust; he was trying to get at the man. "He's still hung up on that prow. I'm not letting him or any of his science boys out there."

"It might be worth exploring more." Alicia couldn't deny her interest in the prow found in the badlands.

"I agree, so long as a security team." Nathaniel grinned then, that would drive Malcolm Wallace up the wall. It was petty but entertaining.

"It could be a good exercise for Skye, get her into the unit." Alicia hinted.

"Could be." He agree, she saw his eyes slide over to study her and she knew his mind was not on the possibility of Terra Nova having a history before they arrived.

Alicia let the silence hold for a little while, giving her attention to the underbrush they passed; watching for any little creatures that might show themselves. Her mind however was on what Alicia told her; his was too.

"Elisabeth told me what Malcolm said." She commented calmly. "I know you don't want family, you don't have to justify it."

"What?" He turned to face her and Alicia caught his eye for a split second before she lurched forward nearly colliding with the dash; he'd hit the brakes hard.

"Really?" She growled, rubbing her wrist, she'd slammed it as she tried to brace herself.

"Why do you think I don't want a family?" Blue eyes studied her intently.

"You and Ayani only had one. And you always talk about it being you and me. I'm okay with that." She justified slowly, not willing to indulge the emotions she felt when remembering he'd already had his family; raised his child.

"No, you aren't." He called her bluff and had Alicia biting the inside of her lip to maintain composure. "Alicia I'd like to have a child with you, I would like us to have a family but not to fulfill some idiotic duty. And I don't think some time first would be a bad thing, you are still healing whether you admit it or not."

He'd reached out and tugged her across the bench towards him, Alicia nodded silently; not fully trusting her voice. It had been a long time since she had really held the idea of a family close, since it had been a possibility. And before now any relationship she'd had was tried by her career; Alicia was away more than not.

They had a different opportunity here, she had made a home within the colony and now it was one she shared with him. When they were both home nearly every night unless one was OTG, Alicia was grounded for the first time in her life. And the idea of that home growing and filling with a family was good; but almost too good to be true.

"Alicia, we are out here chasing a dinosaur to make a pet of for a little girl. This isn't how I planned to spend my Saturday, but my wife brought home a little girl and set me up. I remember that same little girl curled up with my wife when she was fighting the chills from an infection." Nathaniel stroked her cheek lightly, Alicia knew she had been stacking the fight against him; but they both had a soft spot for Zoe.

"She's a good kid, and the kids of the colony have dealt with a lot. It is an opportunity they wouldn't have if we weren't here."

"Well we will have to do our best." Nathaniel promised, his hand sliding down to rest on her knee; squeezing gently. "The rest let's talk about tonight."

She nodded and eased back to her side as the rover began to move again. The ridge was a couple clicks further, she figured they would soon see some creatures rummaging around; the sound of the rover was likely making some timid. But it was a flash of movement that caught her eye; certainly not what they were looking for.

Glancing over she saw Nathaniel was tracking the movement as well; the Sixers would soon know where they were. And the reaction would be interesting, Nathaniel slowed the rover and cut the engine. Knowing the strengths of the Sixers she eyed the trees looking for the spotter undoubtedly still watching them.

She knew they had both removed the safety on their weapons. It would be foolish for the Sixers to try and show force, alone the colony was a good ally for them to have. It didn't take long before more spotters began to take position around them, likely checking if they were alone.

Finally two approached on foot, Mira and another, she frowned; it wasn't Carter. Watching the woman she felt waves of emotion she wasn't prepared for, somehow there was relief mixed in; she had no desire to see Carter again. Nathaniel slid from the rover and Alicia followed; they met Mira at the edge of the clearing.

She the woman and all the spotters she could see carried makeshift weapons, the Sixers had lost what little luxury they had when the Phoenix came. Yet even with the hardships they had to face she thought they looked healthier than when they had returned from the badlands.

"Taylor, Washington." Mira acknowledged them both, clearly taking stock of them just was they did of her.

"It Taylor now." Nathaniel growled, Alicia hid her smile, apparently he wanted everyone to know that.

"That's new." Mira commented and Alicia saw her gaze drop to find the rings they both wore. "Is this some sort of honeymoon?"

"Afraid not." And he probably meant that.

Conversation was cautious, she knew no one intended to reveal their play and there was no trust between them. Alicia was happy to let him do the talking, it gave her the time to check out the positions the Sixers took. Nathaniel was slowly working out the territory the Sixers had claimed and made notes on his plex. She knew they would probably be dispatching a team to lay mines along the boundary on Monday.

Soon Mira was hinting at what it would take for Nathaniel to consider trading with them. Alicia bit the inside of her cheek, the colony had limited supplies and a lot of research to be able to continue to provide for their own. Especially weapons, ammunition and medicine.

"We may be able to reach a deal, but right now we will see our borders can be respected." Alicia smiled, Nathaniel was not usually so diplomatic, but it was better than telling them no; as that would likely lead to more scrimmages and attacks on their supply runs.

There was an outpost beyond the ridge and at some point they were going to have to run patrols along this boundary. But with some work perhaps the region could be divided up and peacefully used. Mira agreed to that but Alicia felt the woman's eyes on her. "May I have a word with your wife?"

"Perhaps you should ask my wife." Nathaniel looked over at her and Alicia narrowed her eyes; she did not want to have a 'word' with Mira.

"We have a few things to get done." Alicia felt no shame in using a poor excuse.

The Sixer leader nodded and backed up, her men doing the same. Nathaniel rested a hand on her back as they waited for the Sixers to fade back, she knew they would only go so far. But his touch was comforting, and she appreciated that.

They returned to their rover and turned away from the boundary the Sixers claimed, following the shadow of the ridge. She kept an eye on the spotter who watched from high on the ridge for a while. When he was gone she put a hand on Nathaniel's knee and the rover stopped.

"It bothered you to see them." Nathaniel shifted in his seat to face her.

It did, but she didn't want to talk about it. Not right now, he had handled it well and it was their first encounter with the Sixers since their return and their first peaceful encounter since the faction split away. Movement in the underbrush caught her attention and Alicia raised her weapon.

A raptor burst out of the trees with a small creature limp in its grip. The raptor wasn't interested in them and tore away with its catch, as the noise from the larger creature's race faded they heard weak cries from the brush. The raptor's dinner had babies; potential pets for Zoe.

"Let's go." Nathaniel sighed, a slow smile spreading on his face; Alicia grinned and slid out of the rover.

Alicia began hunting through the underbrush and roots of large trees. Nathaniel started a few feet away, out of the corner of her eye she saw him dive and a small creature slip through his grasp. As he picked himself up she tore after the escaping creature and took her own dive.

"Yes." Her hands closed around the small creature as her body slammed into the ground. It squeaked and cried madly, scratching at her hands and trying to escape. "Reflexes slowing down Nathaniel?"

Her husband had picked himself up and rolled his eyes as she scrambled out of the dirt. "Catch the other and I'll be impressed."

Unable to resist a challenge she held out the critter she had captured, when he took it she pivoted to look for the other. She scanned the area around them slowly, not willing to eat dirt again without cause. The little creature was perched on the root of a tree staring at them with huge eyes. It seemed to know enough to be quiet, the one Nathaniel held had not given up hope in being rescued and cried loudly.

The second realized she was onto it and took off leading her on a merry chase around the tree before darting into a hole under the tree and hiding. Nathaniel smirked as she lay in the dirt and tried to reach for it, she growled at him.

"Here honey." He held out the creature he held and knelt beside her; his tone taunting.

With a snarl she took the thing and moved out of the way. She had done the work of cornering it but he was going to catch it and gloat for days; she'd have to tease him about his nose dive earlier. At least Zoe would have her pet, they'd have to figure something out for the other.

"How far does it go?" She asked as he frowned, maybe they were out of luck on the second.

"It's got its self in behind something." Nathaniel lurched back and came up with an object. They both stared, Nathaniel held a skull.

"Is that human?" She asked, glancing around for any markers or signs of recent burials; could this be where the Sixers buried their dead?

"We can have Malcolm test it." He mumbled, leaning back down and came up a moment later with the critter they had been chasing; now it protested loudly. "It's too old to have been any of the Sixers."

Alicia held out her hand and took the second tiny dinosaur, if the things would stop squirming they would be easy to hang onto and could probably sit in the palm of her hand. She couldn't deny the things were cute, one was black and the other a dark brown, their hide was pretty smooth and they had huge eyes.

But their catch was overshadowed by the skull Nathaniel held in his hand. It was proof that there had been others here before them who had survived the trip through the portal and presumably made it this far from it; but where had the portal spit them out? It raised too many questions and some Alicia wasn't sure they would be able to find the answer to.


	34. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three**

Their trip OTG the day before had sparked a lot of questions within the colony, and rumors spread fast; the science division was worse than a leaky faucet. It left Nathaniel with too much extra work and feeling frustrated; he hadn't crawled around in the jungle just to make Zoe Shannon happy. He'd been hoping to have a little fun with his wife; their discovery had canned that.

Now it looked like she would be going OTG for a very extended period of time and he wasn't thrilled. Yet he could hardly leave the colony that long and she wanted to do it. He knew his support mattered more than she would ever admit. He wasn't above admitting he was possessive of her, perhaps it was because he'd clued in late to the opportunity they had; and nearly lost her more than once. The idea of not seeing her every day hurt.

But he couldn't change her, as much as he wanted her safe and close by he had served with her long enough to understand the adrenaline she fed off of and the life she loved. It was an adventure, there would be plenty of challenges to it but there was no one more capable.

Nathaniel did however have plans for after this operation and as the planning meeting wrapped up and people began to file out he caught his wife's eye. She tucked her plex away and moved to join him as the door swung shut and they were alone.

"You don't like it." She murmured softly.

"No, I don't but there is no one else I trust to do it more than you." Nathaniel took her hand, they had been married a month and she was likely to be gone twice as long. "I am going to miss you and worry about you."

"We can talk every day. Nathaniel we need to know and it is better we learn about it before anyone else does. Especially with the size of this land mass, if they travelled cross country it is possible some are still alive. Unlikely, but possible." And he could see the excitement in her eyes, if that proved to be the case the operation would stretch even longer. If it became an overland tracking mission they had only one person trained; he wouldn't see his wife for a very long time.

"I know." That had been lectured at them by both Malcolm and Elisabeth. "You know when you get back the colony could be very different."

"When we get our answer it might be the last extended mission we have to do." Alicia eased her hip off the table and his hands moved easily to her sides tugging her down into his lap. "When I get back we could take a vacation of sorts; just the two of us."

"Count on it." He pressed his mouth to hers and held her tightly. "Until then we move forward."

"That's the way of it isn't it?" Alicia's fingers trailed lightly along his cheek. "Fighting for our second chance?"

He nodded, everything worth having was worth fighting for and as time wore on the colony would keep fighting; but things would have to change. Their way of life would have to go back to basics in many respects, and their future would never be certain. But one thing was sure, they would face it together; he didn't want to do it without her.

End


End file.
